Finding Purpose
by Nytel
Summary: When your whole life gets flipped upside down, you need to find a reason to go on. KaraLee, AU after 213.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This fic is AU after 213 (Epiphanies), so there are spoilers for up to and including that episode.  
**Disclaimer:** I'm merely borrowing them. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Finding Purpose 1**

Kara stepped out of the shower stall, nearly dead on her feet. She pulled her towel off the hook and wrapped it tightly around her body to fight back the chill of the cool air. It had been one hell of a long day. Not one, but two CAP rotations. Normally that wasn't a big deal. Hell, she'd done it tons of times since the attack, but not on so little sleep, at least not since the cylons had attacked every thirty three minutes.

She sighed as she made her way to her locker and began the tedious process of getting dressed. Sleep was definitely something that had been eluding her lately, at least for the majority of each night. It was impossible to rest when she was worrying herself sick over her best friend.

Lee was… well, not Lee. She wasn't even sure that anyone else saw it, but he'd been acting differently ever since his emergency ejection from the blackbird. It scared the crap out of her, because Lee was supposed to be stable. He was the one person she could always count on to be the same, but now he wasn't.

She shut her locker with excessive force and the two other pilots in the head turned to look at her oddly. She just glared at them and they went back to whatever they had been doing before. On her way out, she tossed her damp towel in the overflowing laundry hamper.

The hallways weren't quite as deserted as the pilot's head had been, but she still didn't run into many people on her way back to the bunkroom. She slipped through the hatch, expecting to find it empty. Instead she saw that there was one other occupant in the room. Lee.

He was lying on his rack, staring up blankly at the bottom of the bunk above him. Kara's heart started to race as she experienced a creepy sense of déjà vu. The last time she had seen Lee like that he had told her that he didn't want to live any more.

She rubbed sweaty palms against the legs of her pants and walked over to stand next to him. He didn't even acknowledge her presence.

"Hey," she said quietly, after a few seconds, not knowing what else to say.

The only indication that he heard her was the slight tensing of his shoulders. He was just lying there and she didn't know what to do.

"So…" she began, but stopped when she realized she had nothing to finish the sentence with. She simply stared down at him for a few moments, watching as he did nothing. He was really starting to scare her.

"I'm fine," he said sullenly, not even turning his head to look at her. "Go back to playing cards or whatever."

"Lee," she said quietly, shocking herself a little with how concerned her voice sounded.

"I'm fine," he repeated, this time with more force, almost like it was a task to say it.

Hesitantly, she set her boots down on the deck and perched on the edge of his mattress, as far away from him as she could get without falling off. She had no idea what she was doing.

She suddenly found her hand reaching towards him, but she pulled it back when she realized what she was doing. She settled instead for placing her hand on the bed, in the space between them. It seemed like she sat like that for an eternity, the silence stretching out into a chasm between them.

"Just go," he said quietly. He didn't seem angry, just sullen.

"I want to help," she said quietly, the words almost catching in her throat.

"Go," was his quiet reply.

"Right," she said as she stood up, making sure to grab her boots. As she crossed the room to her bunk she couldn't help but feel that she had failed him somehow.

* * *

Lee sat alone at a table in the mess the next morning. There was food in front of him, but instead of eating it he was just pushing it around the plate. The grating noise of the metal fork on the ceramic dish was annoying, but he didn't stop. He just kept on with the monotonous movements, letting his mind drift. He knew that there was something seriously wrong with him.

It'd been nearly two weeks since his "space walk" as Kara had called it. He had no idea what had caused him to react like that, to just give up. He suppressed a shudder as he remembered the last few moments before he had lost consciousness. It had been so cold.

He reached blindly for his mug of coffee, taking huge gulps, hoping to somehow spread warmth through his body again. Instead of succeeding he managed to choke on the bitter liquid. He wiped a few stray drops of coffee from his lips with the back of his hand when the coughing finally subsided, and he tried not to think about how pathetic he had become.

He nearly jumped when a hand reached in front of him, pouring sweetener into his coffee. When he looked up he saw Kara, and he wasn't all that surprised. She'd taken to hovering around him lately. Sometimes it pissed him off, but other times he found that he didn't mind. He didn't know which one it was at that moment.

Lee watched as she gave him a tentative smile, one that he couldn't quite bring himself to return. After a few seconds of uncomfortable staring she turned to leave. Suddenly he felt guilty. It wasn't like any of this was her fault.

Using his foot, Lee pushed out the chair across from him and indicated to it with a tilt of his head. Kara let out a sigh that sounded like relief, but Lee couldn't tell for sure. She sat down and when she moved to slide her legs underneath the table, Lee pulled his foot back, another after effect of his "space walk". He couldn't bring himself to touch anyone else. He was afraid that he'd somehow contaminate them. Thankfully Kara didn't notice his actions. She was however looking at him oddly as she set down her own mug of coffee on the table. Lee figured that he should at least try for some normalcy, for her sake.

"So," he said softly, pointing at his mug with raised eyebrows.

Kara gave him a small grin. "The sweetener makes it bearable at least. Then you don't have to choke it down."

Lee felt his cheeks get warm with embarrassment, or possibly anger. Kara must have noticed because her face fell and she began to twist the ring on her thumb nervously, staring at it and not meeting his gaze. He knew her well enough to realize that she was wondering what the hell she'd done wrong. In that moment, he was sure that what he hated the most about his ejection from the blackbird, was that it had somehow caused a rift between him and his best friend.

He was pushing her away again, and it wasn't intentional. Even the night before, he hadn't wanted her to go, but the words had been out of his mouth before he could stop himself. What he wanted to do, and what he ended up doing were two completely different things. He was disjointed and the feeling was unnerving.

Kara placed her palms flat on the table and made to push her chair back. She was obviously leaving, probably fed up with him. He couldn't help but let out a disappointed sigh, leaning forward to rest his head in his hands, elbows braced on the table.

He hadn't yet heard the telltale scraping sound of chair on deck that meant Kara was leaving, and he was tempted to look up and see what was taking her so long. Before he could, he heard her soft and tentative voice.

"Do you want me to leave?"

He couldn't help but look up, startled at her words. Her gaze locked with his and he was surprised at what he saw there, a myriad of emotions. Concern, frustration, sympathy, even traces of building anger. In the end it was Lee that shifted his eyes away from hers.

"I don't know what I want anymore," he admitted quietly. It hurt him to acknowledge that, but it was true. It was like someone had taken his life, turned it upside down and shook it. Now everything was mixed up and he didn't know what to say, what to do, he didn't even know what he wanted.

"I'm trying Lee," she said quietly, causing him to look toward her again. "I'm really trying, but I don't know what to do." Her voice was still quiet, but it had taken on a hard edge.

He broke away from her gaze again, unable to take all of the emotions he could see written on her face. He knew that she wanted to help, and it didn't take her words to tell him that she had no idea how. Hell, he didn't even know what he wanted her to do. Kick his ass into gear maybe? Force him to tell her everything? Just be there for physical comfort? He shuddered at the last thought. He didn't want to use Kara, never.

"And you think I do?" he asked, his voice growing louder and angry as he found his eyes inexplicably drawn to hers. "Cause I sure as hell don't."

The concern was still there, but he was pushing her. He watched as her face tightened and she clenched her jaw. "I'll see you on the flight deck," was all she gritted out before she walked away.

* * *

Kara knelt down to check the undercarriage of her viper. Everything seemed to be where it should be, looking like it was supposed to. She checked off the last box on her pre-flight checklist. She motioned a nearby specialist over and handed it to him.

As she was turning back around to face her viper, she caught a glimpse of familiar broad shoulders over to her left. By the looks of it Lee was just finishing off his pre-flight routine too.

She took a minute to just watch him. To any untrained eye he seemed to be a normal and diligent CAG. But she had been watching him for years and she could see that something was off. She wasn't sure if it was in his posture, or just his lack of emotion, but she could see it. And it worried the hell out of her. Lee was supposed to be the strong one out of the two of them, the fighter. Except now he wasn't and she had no idea what to do.

She hadn't been lying when she talked to Lee earlier. She wanted to help him; she was trying to help him. It just wasn't working. Maybe it wasn't enough; maybe she wasn't doing the right thing. Actually, it was obvious that she wasn't doing the right thing. She tightened her hands into fists as the frustration flowed through her.

Abruptly, she turned away and tried to clear her head. She couldn't think about that. She was going to be stuck in her cockpit for the next three hours and the last thing she needed was to be dwelling on it. She spent enough time doing that when she wasn't on duty.

She zipped up her flight suit and did up the buckles as she walked up to the side of her bird. Cally was waiting with the ladder and she climbed up the steps and sank down into the worn out seat. She was passed a helmet and collar that she put on. She stole a glance and saw that Lee was doing the same thing not that far away.

After sliding the canopy shut, she waited impatiently for them to track her viper over to the entrance of the launch tubes. Naturally she got the one beside Lee, but when she glanced over again he wasn't looking at her.

Her heart fell as she remembered back to about three days before Pegasus had joined them. Lee and her had been in front of these exact same launch tubes, waiting for the jump to be completed so that they could launch and fly CAP. It was nearly the exact same situation as now, except now they weren't laughing and joking, they weren't smiling or having fun, and it hurt.

* * *

As Lee sat and waited for Galactica to execute its jump, he could feel Kara looking at him. He didn't even need to turn and see her to be sure. A part of him was glad that she cared, another was angry that she hadn't given up on him yet, even though he had, and the third just didn't care.

She was the only person so far who had noticed that something was different with him, that something was wrong. Everyone else just saw the CAG working harder, nothing wrong with that. It was true though; he was working harder. Well… he was working more anyway. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he was not only caught up on his paperwork, but ahead. Of course doing all of that work left him little time for anything else. He hadn't played a single card game, been to the rec room… Hell, he didn't even think that he had gone to the gym since he ejected from the blackbird, and he had always been one to work out religiously.

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt the all too familiar tug of the FTL jump. Once the feeling subsided and the jump was complete, deckhands worked in a flurry of organized movement to bring the pilots on CAP into the launch tubes.

It was only a few seconds later, just before the mag locks on his viper had been secured, when the alarm claxons went off. He heard Gaeta's voice over the speakers. "Action stations, action stations. Set condition one throughout the ship."

The next thing Lee knew he was giving the launch supervisor a sharp nod before he sped out of the side of Galactica. The jerk of acceleration threw him back in his cockpit and when he entered into the black of space, he hit the reverse thrusters lightly, needing to take a second to get a look at the situation. There was someone calling out the position of the enemy over the comm system, but sometimes a visual worked better.

From the looks of it they had jumped into the middle of a cylon fleet. There were three basestars and two smaller ships, ones that he couldn't identify.

Immediately he started barking out orders over the radio. He told Kat and Duck to go and set up a defensive perimeter around Colonial One. It had somehow managed to jump in close to one of the unknown ships and raiders were heavily guarding the cylon vessel. They hadn't attacked yet, but Lee wasn't taking any chances.

He nearly swore as he saw that Kat and Duck's approach was not helping the situation. The vipers were too much of a threat and as they got closer the raiders started firing on them and the President's ship. A quick scan of the battle scene told him that most of the raiders were guarding the two small ships. Without a second thought he ordered the alert fighters to join up on him. They were making an attack run on that ship, whatever the hell it was. He knew what the best type of defense was.

As they got within firing range, the cylons shifted the focus of their attack, easing up fire on Colonial One and hitting the vipers as hard and as fast as they could. Vipers and raiders laced together in a complicated pattern, shots being fired by both sides whenever there was a chance.

Lee was vaguely aware of Kara flying his wing as he darted underneath the belly of a raider, unable to get a clear shot off. He pulled back on the throttle, intending to arc up and turn to shoot down the raider he'd just missed. Instead he had to bank sharply as a different raider appeared out of nowhere, directly in front of him. At the sensation of the turn, and seeing the ship coming straight for him, he froze.

_"Starbuck, Apollo, target's FTL is history. She's all yours."_

_"Roger that Apollo. Redwing initiated attack run Alpha…"_

He didn't ever hear the rest.

_Kara's voice was filling his ear and he was smiling. It had worked, now they could take out the resurrection ship. He turned around from watching it and the next thing he knew he was spinning out of control and all that he could see was fire._

Somewhere, distantly, he heard chatter over the comm, but it didn't register.

_He ejected, more out of instinct than from conscious decision. The flaming piece of metal that had been his ship grew smaller and smaller as his seat shot clear of the debris, the thrusters on the underside of the chair doing their job._

"Apollo!" He could hear Kara's voice calling out, but he couldn't answer. It was as if he mouth was glued shut.

_Then it was black; black and cold._ He remembered the cold most of all, how it seeped in through the hole in his flight suit, creeping up to settle itself in his bones, even deeper maybe; right at the very heart of him. If he had been able to move, he would have shuddered.

His hands were clutching the throttle tightly, but he was still. Panic started to set in as he realized that he would die out there, at that very moment. He was a sitting duck in the middle of a cylon shooting gallery.

There was a raider heading straight for him. Its red eye filled his vision. That was it; his life was about to end. He heard a sharp intake of breath and barely registered that it had come from him. He could only sit there and watch, his body completely paralyzed.

* * *

Kara followed Lee's sharp and precise turns through the fight, but she was having a damn hard time keeping up with him. It didn't stop her from offing cylons any time she had a clear shot though.

She swooped around one raider as Lee darted under it at the last second, not quite quick enough to get a shot at it. Then she saw a raider coming straight for Lee. He banked hard at the last second and she was able to take it out.

She shot down another raider as it approached them from the right. When she turned her bird back around and took in the sight in front of her, she knew that something was wrong. Lee's viper wasn't maneuvering. For a second she felt her stomach clench with guilt, thinking that he'd been hit when was she turned the other way. She'd failed him again.

"Apollo!" she said loudly, not able to keep the panic out of her voice. As she was waiting for a response, she flew in close by his viper. He still hadn't answered her, but she couldn't see any damage on his ship, there was no way that he'd been hit.

"What the frak!" she muttered angrily. What was he playing at? Was he trying to get … She gulped, not wanting to finish that thought. Another raider swooped in close to them and she flipped her bird quickly to take it out.

She made an upside down pass over the canopy of Lee's viper; she needed to know what the hell was going on. He was just sitting there. "Shit," she swore as the thought came to her. That had to be it.

This was the first time they had run into the cylons since their attack on the resurrection ship. More importantly, this was Lee's first time in combat since he ejected from the blackbird. He'd flown dozens of CAP rotations, but not a single fight. Normally a seasoned pilot wouldn't seize up, but close calls like that would mess with anybody's head.

She started shouting orders at the squadron from Galactica. There wasn't much to be said, but they needed some direction, and they sure as hell weren't getting it from Lee. He had frozen up, like a nugget in their first dogfight. Without a moment's hesitation she ordered Kat to take command of the pilots. Kara couldn't be keeping track of the fight; she needed to focus all she had on making sure that she kept Lee's ass alive. There was no way in hell she was going to let him die.

She shot raider after raider as they came near, needing to fly with true Starbuck style to catch them all. The case of vertigo she was experiencing was nearly overwhelming, but that didn't slow her down. Just when she thought they were in the clear, a raider swerved out from behind the cylon ship and headed straight towards Lee. She tried to fire and swore vehemently when she realized that she'd used up all of her ammo.

Kara did the last thing that she could do and flew her viper between Lee's and the oncoming raider.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thanks to Dani for the beta on this, and all of her support. :)

**Chapter 2:**

Lee took what was supposed to be his last breath as he watched the raider close in on his position. Then there was a sudden flash of movement and an explosion of light.

It was as if a veil had been obscuring his sight and suddenly it was lifted. All at once he took in what was going on around him. As soon as he saw which viper had flown to intercept the raider, his stomach dropped. "Kara!" he cried out as he watched her ship spiral out of control.

"I'm hit, I'm hit, I'm hit!" she yelled loudly. He could hear her heavy and frantic breathing from the other end of the comm channel.

"Frak!" he swore as he pulled back on the throttle, bringing himself back into the fight. He swerved and dodged, taking out a few of the straggling raiders as he tried to pull in beside Kara, who was slowly drifting away from the fight. He did his best to ignore the cold and clammy sweat that had broken out over his entire body, and the way that his hands were beginning to shake.

"My left thruster's shot," she said, her voice coming out in a rush.

For a few seconds his heart began to pound even harder. This was his fault, it was all his fault. He pushed the guilty thoughts to the back of his head; he'd have long enough to dwell on his mistakes later.

Before he had time to even think about coming up with a plan, the spiral that Kara's viper was in slowed a bit. He watched as she miraculously got her bird back under control. He let out a sigh of relief and had he been listening more carefully he would have heard Kara's as well.

When she straightened out her flight path completely, Lee caught a glimpse of her undercarriage. Something wasn't right. She flipped her bird end for end in a shaky and barely controlled move. He swore when he saw the damage.

"Starbuck, Apollo," he said, trying to gain back some measure of control by reverting to call signs. "Your landing gear is in pieces." He couldn't stop his voice from faltering slightly at the end when his throat tightened.

Her viper was facing his and he was just close enough that he could make out her face. She grimaced and bit her lip, a sure sign that she was worried. Then, all of a sudden, her eyes widened as she looked at something past his ship.

"Behind you!" she yelled.

* * *

Kara watched, heart racing and breathing shallow, as Lee turned his viper over and shot. The raider exploded, blood flying in all directions. He had been quick, too quick. There was no way that he had targeted that raider first. He was either flying on pure instinct or following her instructions blindly. She didn't know which was the scarier of the two.

Just then she heard Dee's voice coming in over the comm channel. "All vipers report back to Galactica, I repeat, all vipers report back to Galactica." Her voice was oddly calm in comparison to the blatant chaos of the battle.

All of the other vipers were punching it hard for home, except for Lee. He was hovering next to her viper.

"Eject," he told her. "I'll get Galactica to send out a …"

"No. There isn't enough time!" she yelled, thinking frantically at the same time. "They're jumping as soon as all of the vipers have landed."

"Frak!" he swore animatedly, shooting down a raider that had drifted toward them.

Kara struggled to breath as she realized what she was going to have to do. It was risky, hell it was downright insane, but it was the only option if she didn't want to be left behind.

"Cover me," she said sternly, leaving no room for argument.

"What are you doing Kara!"

"Shut up," she said tensely. "I'm flying back to Galactica and I need you to cover me because I sure as hell can't fly this busted up ship and shoot cylons out of the frakking sky too."

After a moment's hesitation Lee said, "That's great Kara, but how are you going to land?" His voice was sarcastic and she felt a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. If she'd had the time to think about it, she would have realized that it was because for a few seconds she'd gotten a glimpse of the old Lee.

"Not nicely," was her reply.

"Kara…"

"This is the only option," she stated firmly.

Kara said a silent prayer to the gods as she started towards Galactica, Lee followed beside her. It took all of her talent and concentration to keep her viper heading in a straight line. By the time they were within Galactica's defense perimeter her entire body was covered in a sheen of sweat. The muscles in her arms were tense and shaking from the exertion. She knew that it'd be hard to fly with one less thruster, but she didn't realize exactly how much precision and accuracy it would require.

Somewhere in the background Kara could hear someone from Galactica demanding a status report from them, and she heard Lee respond. As she got closer and closer to the landing bay her heart beat increasingly faster and a bad feeling began to grow low in her gut.

She told Lee to land his bird first, but he wouldn't. Instead of arguing with him, she just went for it. It would be pointless anyway; Lee was the most stubborn person that she knew.

As she entered into the flight pod she started shaking as the strain on her muscles started to get unbearable. Just a few more seconds…

She was closing in on the deck fast. She needed to slow down and soon. Without any landing gear she needed the gentlest touch down possible. Kara moved to hit the reverse thrusters but they didn't fire.

She closed her eyes and braced for impact.

* * *

Lee was out of his viper faster than he thought possible. He watched in horror as they tracked in the mangled remains of Kara's viper, her still inside. The glass of the canopy was laced with cracks, and they were just able to make out Kara inside. She was moving but her wireless and transponder had cut out when she hit the trap. They had no way of knowing how badly she was hurt. Lee wished there was a possibility that she wasn't hurt, but he knew the truth. There was no way, not with a landing like that… The guilt threatened to take root inside him but he did his best to push it aside for the time being.

Having passed off his helmet and collar to a nearby deckhand, Lee ran a hand through his sweat drenched hair. His eyes were transfixed on the twisted metal and he watched them pull it the final distance. The tip of the right wing scraped against the deck as the viper shifted slightly. The contact was enough to create a spark, just a small one. It landed in a puddle of fuel that was leaking from Kara's viper. The next thing Lee knew the viper was surrounded by flames.

Without thinking Lee ran forward as he yelled at the chief, "Get her out of there right frakking now!"

He could see Kara trying to open the canopy from inside, but it must have jammed. He began to panic. Before the Chief or any of the deckhands could do anything to help her she'd slammed her elbow through the already weakened glass. Somehow she managed to pull herself out through the opening, immediately throwing herself onto the wing and sliding to the ground.

She landed hard on her back in the flames. Lee darted forward through the crowd of deckhands and grabbed her arm, pulling her up bodily. She stumbled through the flames and crashed into him. He automatically brought his arms around her and dragged her away from the viper. He only stopped when they were a safe distance away.

Kara was sagged against him and they stayed like that for a few seconds. Lee couldn't help but tighten his arms around her, reassuring himself that she was there, and she was alive. He was more than a little surprised when her arms tightened around him too, leaving absolutely no space between their bodies.

He moved to pull off her helmet, a certain desperation leading his movements. He tried to be gentle, but she still winced in pain when it accidentally brushed against her forehead. There was a nasty bruise spreading across her pale skin and Lee looked down into her eyes frantically, needing to make sure that she was going to be ok.

Somewhere in his peripheral vision he registered the deckhands extinguishing the fire before it spread any further. He would have sighed with relief because the fuel tank hadn't ignited if he hadn't been otherwise preoccupied. She was looking at him with such intensity that he thought he might be shaking. He needed to look away, he couldn't take it, but his body wouldn't obey his commands. Their eyes were locked together, and it was like nothing else even mattered. Suddenly that isolated world was abolished.

Medics were pulling Kara away from him and lifting her onto a stretcher. He started to panic, and instinctively reached out to pull her back to him. He had to force his hands back to his sides. She would be ok; she was in the hands of professionals, but that didn't mean he could bring himself to leave. They peeled off her flight suit and Lee saw that her skin was covered in bruises and tiny scrapes, but thankfully no burns. He had never been so frakking glad that their suits were fire retardant than he was right then.

Lee's breath caught in his throat as he saw her knee. It was bruised and swollen, very swollen. She bit her lip and squinched her eyes shut as one of the medics touched it lightly. It was bad, Lee didn't have to be an expert to know that. He had to turn away as she let out a gasp of pain when one of the medics prodded her leg again. The guilt hit him like a freight train.

He had done this to her. He fought back the tears as he strode across the hanger bay, fists clenched in anger at himself. He should stay, but he couldn't. He was a coward, but he just couldn't face the damage that he'd done.

* * *

Kara remembered very little of her landing and her subsequent evacuation from the viper and rush to sickbay. What she could recall was very blurry, but Cottle assured her that was due to the concussion. Thankfully the throbbing in her head had subsided. Not completely, but enough for her to think without wincing in pain. Her head wasn't the only thing causing her pain though.

It felt like someone was stabbing a knife into her knee repeatedly, and the burning pain had started to spread through the rest of her leg. The painkillers weren't even helping with that. She had to close her eyes tightly to hold back the tears as she shifted her position, trying to ease the horrid feeling. If anything it only made it worse.

Sickbay was relatively quiet given the heavy losses they had endured. Kara didn't know specifics, but she'd caught fragments of other people's conversations in the medical wing. The Greenleaf Freighter and some other three ships had been destroyed. A handful of additional ships had sustained serious damage, including The Rising Star and Colonial One. She didn't even want to think about how many people they'd lost.

Kara closed her eyes and since she wasn't allowed to sleep yet, she just lay there. The heavy white curtains were drawn closed around her bed, but she could still make out sounds. Cottle giving orders, a few cries of pain and the sudden crack from a little to her left as a bone was set. She suppressed a shudder and clasped her hands tightly together.

The hours passed by slowly as she remained there. Every once and a while a nurse would check in to see that she hadn't fallen asleep. Kara was waiting for Lee, making the option for sleep non-existent. She thought that he would have followed her to sickbay straight from the hanger deck, like the time when she had crash-landed on the moon. He had gotten to sickbay and stayed by her side, refusing to leave. In the end it was only Cottle's threat of having him escorted out by marines that got him to go. But even then he had come to visit every chance he got.

She knew that he'd have CAG things to do, but it had been at least three hours and he should have made the time to see her by then. Deep down she knew he wasn't coming, but she refused to accept the fact. He was her best friend; he was supposed to be there with her.

She tried to shift positions again, but it just sent another sharp stab of pain through her knee. She winced and when she opened her eyes she saw that the curtain to her 'room' was being pulled open. She felt a surge of hope. It was quickly squashed when Helo stepped through and closed the curtain behind him.

"What?" he asked as he walked over to the side of her bed. "Not happy to see me?"

She put on a smile for his benefit, but quickly dropped it when he gave her a look that said 'nice try'.

"Sorry," she said quietly, settling back against the pillows more comfortably. "I thought you were someone else."

"I know," Helo said sadly as he sat down on the left side of Kara's bed. He placed on hand gently on her shoulder. "Apollo's in his rack."

Kara just nodded, looking past Helo to stare blankly at the expanse of white. He hadn't come, and he wasn't going to.

"Hey," Karl said quietly, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "He'll probably stop in tomorrow."

She just shrugged; she doubted that he would come. Helo leaned in and wrapped his arm around her shoulders in an awkward hug. When he placed a gently kiss on the top of her head she gave in and wrapped her arms around him too. He chuckled lightly and pulled her against him gently, so as not to move her leg.

"So," he said after a few seconds, pulling back to look at her. "What's the verdict?"

She sighed as she leaned back against the tilted bed. "Concussion." He pointed to the bruise on her head and she nodded. "And a frakked up knee."

"How frakked are we talking?" he asked tentatively as he repositioned himself on the bed.

She looked up to meet his gaze. "Frakked."

He grimaced. "That bad?"

She tilted her head from side to side, easing the tension in her neck before she responded. "I guess not," she said degradedly. "A week in here and then two or three more before I can fly again."

Helo looked relieved. "It could be worse," he said, and she knew he was trying to be encouraging. "I didn't see your landing, but I heard about it." He paused for a moment. "Plus I saw what was left of your viper."

She looked at him questioningly and he explained.

"I was on a maintenance shift." She nodded, noticing for the first time that Karl had remnant streaks of grease and oil on his arms. She had known he was helping the knuckle draggers, but somewhere in all the action she'd forgotten. The concussion probably wasn't helping with that either. "I came down here as soon as I could."

He had come straight there, that's what Lee should have done. It wasn't that he didn't care. No, she knew that he did. He'd pulled her out of the frakking flames, probably burning himself in the process. She couldn't remember for sure though. It didn't matter anyway, she clearly remembered the way that he had looked at her as he pulled off her helmet, concern and care written all over his face. It wasn't that he didn't care.

Kara nearly jumped when Karl shook her shoulder lightly.

"What?" she asked automatically, focusing her eyes on his face.

"You ok?" he asked in a worried voice. "Want me to get Cottle?"

"What?" she repeated. "No, I'm fine."

"Uh huh," Helo responded quietly, fixing her with a skeptical look.

"Just thinking," she said quietly. "Anyway, what were you saying?"

He continued to look at her before he answered. "I have to go. I'm part of the raptor scouting party and we leave at 0600."

"What raptor party?"

Helo gave her an odd look. "I'm surprised you don't know."

She shrugged like it didn't matter, but she was actually upset. She knew that things were hectic after all the events of the day, but someone should have at least given her an update on the latest information.

"We're scouting all of the nearby star systems for raw materials, specifically tyllium. One of the fuel tankers got hit hard, lost all of its refined tyllium. It's salvageable, but we need to get more fuel. And to get more fuel, we need…"

"More tyllium," Kara said finishing his sentence. "How much is left?" Kara asked, unsure if she really wanted to know the answer.

Helo sighed and she knew it wasn't good. "Enough for about three, maybe four more jumps. Assuming that all the ships are capable of jumping without falling apart, which at this point they aren't. Nearly half of the fleet is down for repairs of some kind. A few ships, including Colonial One can't jump any more right now. Just using their FTL drives to get here put them under too much strain. Another jump would finish them off." Helo paused for a moment before continuing. "We got hit, and we got hit hard."

Kara just nodded. She knew that, she'd been out there and had seen it first hand.

"So what's the plan?" she asked, bringing her mind back to the present. But before Helo could answer she continued. "No, let me guess. We stay here and repair the ships, only jumping if the cylons find us. And in the mean time we use the fuel we have to search for more tyllium."

The look on Helo's face told her she was exactly right. "Simple enough," he said.

"As long as we can find some tyllium," Kara replied quietly. "Let's just hope it works."

Helo moved to stand up. "It should." He levered himself up off the infirmary bed and stood for a few seconds just looking down at Kara. "Get better," he said quietly as he squeezed her shoulder lightly.

"Kay," she said, giving him a small smile. She watched as he slipped out of her little alcove, leaving her alone to think. Her mind of course drifted back to the thing, or the person rather, who was always haunting her thoughts these days.

By the time Cottle came in to check on her during his nightly rounds, Kara was still thinking about Lee. She was torn between being sad and being furious. Why did Lee always have to make her head spin?

Cottle stood by her bedside and glared at her, looking as if he hated her being there, which he probably did. He passed her two small pills and a glass of water. "This'll reduce the swelling, _if_ you take them. If not, then we'll be spending a lot more quality time with each other, and I'll start billing you by the hour."

Kara glared at him angrily, she wasn't happy about being stuck with him for the next week either. Looking down at her knee she saw that it was still swollen, along with being mottled with blue bruising splotches. The brace hid most of the rest of her leg, but she knew it'd look the same if she could see the skin.

Kara made a face, but otherwise didn't complain as she forced the medication down her throat, nearly choking in the process.

Cottle fixed her with an odd look, but didn't comment verbally. On his way out he turned and looked over his shoulder. "You can sleep now," he said as if it was just an afterthought.

She muttered something, acknowledging that she had heard him. Then he was moving on to the next patient. She was by herself again, not that Cottle even counted as company to begin with.

Kara sighed and closed her eyes, not even bothering to try and get comfortable, it would never happen. Sickbay beds were bad enough to begin with, but adding a busted and throbbing knee into the equation made comfort truly impossible to attain. But sleep seemed like the best option at that point since her mind was simply wandering in circles. Plus her head was starting to hurt again and it felt a little better when her eyes were shut.

After what seemed like an eternity, Kara drifted off into a restless sleep. Dreams came to her, fragmented and brisk, just clips of scenes playing themselves out in her head. Some were actual memories, but others were just things conjured up by her mind.

_She was falling through a cold and dense, cloudy atmosphere in her viper. Suddenly she was yanked up and out of the cockpit as she ejected._

_The next thing she knew, she was on the barren ground, being dragged along roughly as the high speed winds caught in her chute. She was sliding across the terrain quickly and her knee connected with something hard. It was a rock. Her vision exploded into tiny white lights as the pain flared up._

_She was flying through the black of space, looking for Lee. She was his wingman and it was her job to keep him safe. There. He was over to her left. A raider was heading straight for his unmoving bird and Kara moved in to intercept. She was a fraction of a second too late and she watched in horror as her best friend was blown into pieces in front of her eyes._

_This time she did make it in time. The raider fired and it was her viper that took the hit. The shot didn't graze the undercarriage. Instead it hit the cockpit. She was dead._

_She stood in the ready room, staring at Lee as he stood directly in front of her. He was yelling at the top of his lungs. He was screaming at her so hard that his face was contorted. "This is your fault! You screwed up. I wanted to die, but YOU wouldn't let me!" His voice turned cold and quiet at the last second. "I hate you_."

Kara's eyes flew open so fast; it was as if someone had flicked a switch. She sat upright, but then grasped the sheets tightly as her stomach lurched, the movement too quick for her injuries. She was breathing hard and beads of sweat were gathering at her temples.

Blindly she reached for a glass of water from the bedside table. She drank it quickly, ignoring the luke warm temperature of it. It took her a few minutes, but eventually she got herself back under control.

She lay back down hesitantly and ran a hand across her face. When she closed her eyes images from the last scene ran through her mind and she had to open them again. She used the heel of her hand to roughly wipe away the tears that were building in her eyes.

Sleep wouldn't come easily, not now. It was the same with most of her other nightmares. Once she had one, she wouldn't be able to sleep for the rest of the night. Every time she tried she'd be assaulted with images.

Most of the images she could have dealt with though. Crash landing on the moon, frakking up her knee, hell… even dying. It was seeing Lee yelling at her, telling her that he wanted to die, that was what she couldn't handle.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It took Lee three days to work up the courage to go anywhere near sickbay, and even then it was only to pick up some paperwork from Tigh's office. He had the newly approved flight schedules in hand as he closed the hatch behind him, leaving behind a grumpy XO.

On his way back to the CAG's office he detoured around the medical wing. It was unlikely that he'd run into Kara unless he actually went in to sickbay, but he wasn't taking any chances. He still wasn't ready to face her, not after he'd nearly cost her her life.

Lee rounded the last corner to get to his office, and had to side step to avoid running into a person coming from the other direction. It was Helo. The taller man stopped and glared down at him.

"You need to go see her," he said severely, not even bothering with pleasantries. "If you're really her friend then you would." He paused for a few seconds, allowing the words to sink in. "Plus, you can't avoid her forever."

Lee felt himself getting angry at Helo's words. He had no idea what the hell was going on. Lee was willing to bet that he didn't even know what had happened out there during the dogfight.

"I'm busy," Lee gritted out through clenched teeth, trying to fight the urge to deck the raptor ECO. "We lost a hell of a lot of pilots and I'm the CAG, that's left me doing a lot of rescheduling."

Helo raised his eyebrows at him. "For three days?" The look on his face told Lee that his excuse just wasn't going to fly. "I doubt it. Look," he said, his voice losing only a tiny bit of its harshness. "I don't know what the hell happened between the two of you. What I do know is that Kara is sitting in an infirmary bed, beating herself up over this, wondering what the hell she did wrong."

Then he just walked away, leaving Lee standing there. He watched Helo's retreating back for a few seconds as he thought about what he'd said.

"Frak," he muttered under his breath. This wasn't Kara's fault. For gods' sake why couldn't she see that? She didn't do anything wrong, he was the one that had screwed up, not her.

When Lee looked down he saw that his fists were clenched and the flight schedules were crumpled. He forced himself to loosen his grip and take a few deep breaths.

Maybe he should go see her. He ran one hand over his face and turned back around, heading the final distance to his office. He knew that he should, hell it was what any good friend would do. He guessed that made him a bad friend.

He didn't even know if he could pinpoint why he couldn't face her. She'd been willing to sacrifice her life for his, but if he was honest, things had always been like that. She was his wingman and he was hers, they had to be prepared to protect each other at all costs. It wasn't even that it was such a close call; they'd had many of those before.

He thought that maybe it was because she'd be angry with him, but then again, it's not like that was anything new. He didn't think he wanted to deal with her sympathy either, because if she wasn't angry that's what it would be. There would be embarrassment too. He was a seasoned pilot; he wasn't supposed to freeze up like that. And then there was the guilt; his gut started churning at the mere thought.

It wasn't that he couldn't handle Kara's reactions. No, it was that he wouldn't be able to handle his own. He wasn't strong enough to walk in there and see her lying in a sickbay bed because of him. He couldn't do that, not without breaking down and he was barely holding himself together as it was.

Just as he was opening the hatch to his office, he heard Gaeta's voice come across the speakers. "Attention: Pass the word for Captain Adama. Captain Adama report to the CO's quarters."

He had a vague memory of his father needing a report of some kind from him, but for the life of him, Lee couldn't remember what. He tossed the schedules onto the middle of his desk and headed back out of the office and towards his father's quarters.

When he got there he rapped lightly on the hatch and heard a commanding, "Come in", from the other side. He entered into the Admiral's quarters, making sure to close the hatch behind him.

"You wanted to see me sir?" Lee's voice sounded tired, even to his own ears.

His father nodded and indicated that he should sit next to him on the couch. Lee did, although he made sure to leave some distance between them. Not so much as to set his father questioning, but just enough so that they wouldn't accidentally touch.

"I need a mission report Lee," Adama said, cutting straight to the chase. "I know things have been hectic lately, but we can't just let these things slide."

Lee remembered and nodded automatically, even though he dreaded writing up the report. The last thing that he needed was his father knowing the truth about what had happened out there. "I'll get to it tomorrow," he said regretfully. There was no way he was getting out of this one.

"Good."

Lee moved to stand up, thinking that their conversation was over, but he stopped when his dad started talking again.

"I went in to see Kara yesterday."

Lee turned his head quickly to look at his dad. "How is she?" he asked, the words rolling off his tongue before he could hold them back.

The Admiral gave him an odd look. "She seemed fine. A bit restless though." A small grin spread on his face. "She's not one to be stuck in one place for too long."

Lee shook his head. "No, she isn't."

"Cottle's keeping her under observation for four more days."

"That long?" Lee asked, suddenly worried. He'd expected her to be released later that night, or at the very latest the day after. "How bad was it?"

Adama gave him the same look from before as he replied. "There are no lasting effects from the concussion. But it's her knee that Cottle's worried about."

Lee nodded and felt the familiar surge of self-hatred.

"But you'd know that if you'd been to visit her." His father's voice had taken on an accusing tone with his last sentence, although it didn't really surprise Lee. His dad loved Kara.

"I was busy," Lee said in an angry voice, even though he knew it was pointless. The excuse hadn't worked on Helo and it sure as hell wasn't going to work on the Old Man.

"Not that busy," Adama said sternly. "You need to go and see her."

Lee opened his mouth to protest, but before he could get any words out his father was talking. He felt his fists clenching again.

"She doesn't blame you for what happened. I don't know why you won't go."

Lee had had enough. He stood up quickly and strode across the quarters to the hatch. His father didn't know anything; he couldn't even see that his son was on the verge of losing control of everything.

"Lee!" he heard his father call out, but he ignored him. He exited the room, barely able to stop himself from slamming the hatch closed behind him.

* * *

Lee was lying in his rack, unable to sleep. The events of his day… hell, his entire week, were all rolling around inside his head.

Helo was right though; he couldn't avoid Kara forever. He had four more days with her in sickbay, but when she got out, she'd be furious. She might never forgive him. Lee shuddered. He wasn't ready to face her, but the last thing he wanted was to lose her as his friend. Although he supposed he might have already.

He turned onto his side as he tried to sort out the frakked up situation that was his life. He needed to see Kara. Gods, he hated that both Helo and his father had been right and that it had taken him that long to realize the truth. He checked his watch and noticed that it was 2200.

He slipped out of the bunkroom, making as little noise as possible. Some of the other pilots were already sleeping. Lee made his way down the hallways, pausing only when he got to the entrance of sickbay. He took a deep breath and plunged through the invisible barrier that was separating him from reality.

He didn't feel any different once he was inside, but he knew that as soon as he saw Kara that would change. Lee made his way toward the back of sickbay, to where they kept the 'long term' patients. There were a handful of beds that had curtains drawn around them, but he didn't hesitate and headed for the farthest left one. Kara called it her second rack.

The closer he got to it, the heavier his feet seemed to be. He stopped completely in front of the curtain, his hand hovering near the edge. He could go back to his bunkroom now and nobody would know that he'd chickened out, except maybe a stray nurse or too, but they never said anything anyway. The idea was tempting, but he managed to not give in to it.

At one point he had been the best friend that anyone could ask for, or so Kara had told him once when they were sparring. Opening the curtain and seeing Kara's sleeping form wouldn't make him that man again, but it would be a start, even if there were some selfish motivations behind his reasons.

He grasped the thick material tightly with his shaking hand and opened the curtain just enough so that he could slip through.

* * *

Kara couldn't sleep again and it was pissing her off. The only thing that someone could do in sickbay was sleep, and she couldn't even accomplish that. So instead, she got to sit on a tilted up bed and stare at a white curtain. The Old Man had offered to give her a book to read, but she had politely declined. She was beginning to wish that she had taken him up on the offer though. Then she could be staring at pages instead of that frakking material.

The last few days had been hellish. When she wasn't being bored, she was contemplating the whole Lee thing, and even after all that time she still couldn't figure out what she should do, if she should even be doing anything. She'd thought about the situation so much that she wasn't even sure that it was straight in her head anymore. Normally she didn't over think things. Hell, she rarely thought about things period, she just jumped right in and did whatever the frak felt right. But in this case she didn't know what felt right, because the entire situation felt wrong.

Kara heard heavy footsteps growing closer and she pushed herself up on the bed, wondering who the hell would be walking around sickbay at this time. Cottle had already done his rounds and none of the nurses walked that loudly. It was sad, but she'd spent enough time in sickbay to know the difference.

Whoever the hell it was paused outside the curtain. Kara had to wait for a good long minute before she saw the material move under the touch of a hand. Her jaw nearly dropped open like in some stupid child's cartoon, gaping and wide, when she saw who it was. She had been expecting Helo, the Old Man… anyone other than him.

* * *

Lee faltered when he was greeted with the sight of Kara sitting on the bed, very much awake. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that it had been a possibility, but he guessed he'd just ignored it, wishful thinking or some such.

She was staring at him and he couldn't do anything but stare back. He knew that he should be saying something, but even if he had been able to form a coherent thought he doubted that it would come out of his mouth properly.

Eventually it was Kara who broke the silence, and what she said made him realize just how wrong he'd been to stay away.

"Why are you here?"

He gulped as he heard things in her voice other than the anger he'd been expecting. Self-doubt, tentativeness, hope, and sadness all mixed together.

"I needed to see you," he said honestly, keeping his voice quiet.

She let out a humorless laugh and if Lee didn't know her better, he would have said that she was holding back tears. "Right," her voice was completely sarcastic. "And what?" she asked, her voice starting to get a bit louder. "Now was the only time that fit into your busy schedule?"

He felt his cheeks get red with shame. "It's not like that Kara," he said, hoping that he'd have some chance in hell of fixing his mistake.

"Well then what's it like Lee? Because honestly, I don't even know anymore."

He had the sudden urge to tell her, to make her understand, but didn't even know where to start.

"I know that I screwed up ok?" she said, her voice getting louder still. "I'm sorry Lee. I'm sorry that I can't be what you need me to be."

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked, so damn angry that she could twist this to blame herself for what he had done wrong. Without even realizing it, he had taken two steps toward her.

"Something's wrong and I can't help you fix it. Do you know how frakking frustrating that is? The only thing that I want to do is help, but I can't. Everything that I say or do is wrong and now I'm pushing you away!"

"You aren't…"

"Yes I am," Kara yelled angrily. "You don't even want to come visit me, so you sneak in, in the middle of the frakking night, just so you won't have to deal with me!"

"No!" Lee yelled. Helo was right, she was beating herself up over this and it wasn't her fault. He felt like smashing her head against the wall to make her see that. He shuddered as the image flashed through his head and a wave of nausea passed over him. Had he changed so much that he would even consider, no matter how briefly, hurting Kara?

He finally snapped. "I couldn't see you alright!" He watched her reaction and realized that that had been the worst possible thing to say. "No," he said quickly, feeling the desperate need to clarify. "I can't handle seeing you in here Kara. Seeing you and knowing that I'm responsible for this."

That quickly, all of the anger left her face and she even seemed to lose some of her physical presence. But he'd started and he couldn't stop.

"If it weren't for me you'd be ok. I froze up out there, I made a huge frakking mistake and it nearly cost you your life. How the hell do you think I can live with myself knowing that I almost got you killed!"

Kara opened her mouth, looking like she was going to say something, but he just kept talking.

"You're my best friend Kara, the only person in this whole frakking fleet that even comes close to understanding me." Lee dropped his eyes to the floor and started fidgeting, shifting his weight from foot to foot slightly, as the words continued to spill from his mouth.

"You're the one person that I can count on, and it's supposed to work both ways, you're supposed to be able to count on me too. But I can't even be that person for you! I've almost got you killed twice in the past three weeks and I can't even look at myself in the mirror." His voice dropped off in disgust near the end, and the next thing Lee knew, he was sinking down onto the bed along side her good leg. The action wasn't even the result of a conscious decision.

Lee had his head turned slightly to the side and down, away from Kara. He flinched when he felt her hand on his shoulder. He wanted to tell her to stop, not to touch him. But before he could get the words out she was whispering his name. He hated how he couldn't stop himself from turning to look at her.

He only caught a glimpse of her tear filled eyes before she reached forward and pulled him into a hug. His initial reaction was to fight it, but Kara wouldn't let him, so he leaned into the embrace and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She held onto him firmly and his head instinctively came to rest against her shoulder.

She was so warm.

* * *

Kara watched as Lee turned away from her as he fell completely silent. She felt her heart constrict, knowing that this was her chance to do something right for a change. Everything that he had said… She knew that Lee had been dealing with a lot lately, but how could he ever blame himself for all of that? How did he get to the point where it seemed like he hated himself? She shuddered at the thought.

He wasn't moving, he wasn't talking… he was just sitting there. She watched him, feeling the burning urge to do something, but not sure what. She realized that his cheeks looked damp and it took her a few seconds to realize why. She had never seen Lee cry before…

Thinking wasn't getting her anywhere, so she reached across the distance between them and placed her hand lightly, tentatively on his shoulder. Tears began to build up in her eyes as she realized that he was shaking slightly.

"Lee." His name came off of her lips tentatively and softly. She was afraid if she said or did the wrong thing he would leave. No, she knew he would leave.

As soon as he turned to look towards her, she reached out and pulled him into a hug. She didn't want him to go through any of this alone, no matter how little help she'd actually be.

Maybe her movements were too quick, but he tried to pull back. She wouldn't let him, and it didn't take long until he stopped fighting. A part of her was glad, but another part wasn't. Lee was a fighter; he wasn't supposed to give up.

Either way, she held him tighter against her body, ignoring the odd angle and strain on her knee while hoping that she was actually doing the right thing. She let out a sigh of relief when Lee wrapped his arms around her and turned his face in toward her neck. It was awkward and uncomfortable, and normally she would pull away from such things, but that wasn't what Lee needed and she was going to do the right thing for once.

She wasn't sure how long they stayed like that for, but eventually Lee pulled back from her and she let him. He tried to inconspicuously wipe his eyes and she pretended not to notice.

He wasn't meeting her gaze and she knew that he was embarrassed. "I should…" he let his words drift off as he turned to look at the small gap in the curtain.

Kara reached out and touched his arm lightly. "You ok?" she asked softly.

He turned to look at her and apart from the reddish eyes, she thought that he seemed to be looking a bit more like before. "I don't know."

"It's not your fault," she said quickly, her voice somewhat tinted with desperation. She needed him to realize that.

He nodded, but she could tell that he was only doing it for her benefit; he didn't believe her. "Hey," she said quietly, reaching out to lay her hand on his arm. "Switch it around. Pretend that I'm you, and you're me." She waited for a few seconds. "Now would you be blaming me because you're in sickbay?"

"Gods no," he said, and she could tell that his response was automatic, but more importantly truthful. As soon as the words left his mouth she could see the realization on his face.

"I'm being an idiot," he said. She couldn't help but smile slightly as she heard an almost joking quality in his voice.

"Well I wasn't going to say it," she said before she laughed at the indignant expression on his face.

He gave her a small smile back, but he didn't chide her in return. She knew they still had a ways to go before they were back to being simply Starbuck and Apollo, but she knew that they would get back to that at some point.

Lee braced his hands on the bed and pushed himself up so that he was standing. "I should leave."

Kara nodded. She didn't want him to go, but he probably had an early shift, plus if Cottle happened to come around he'd get kicked out anyway. "Okay," she said, looking up at him.

As he started to walk away, she thought of something. Despite everything that had just happened, Lee hadn't really opened up to her. Things were ok between them, but that didn't mean that things were ok with Lee.

"But Lee," she added in an unsure voice and he stopped to look at her. "If you want to talk about … you know, anything…" She paused and took a deep breath. She still wasn't good at this. "I know I'm not a good listener, but I can try," she said honestly.

He nodded his head once before saying, "I know."

She nodded. "Ok." She was hoping that he would take her up on that offer, but she wasn't going to push, not now anyway.

When Lee reached the curtain he stopped and turned around to look at her.

"So I'll see you later?" she asked hopefully.

He nodded and smiled at her. "Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

A sudden loud beeping noise emanating from above Lee's head woke him up the next morning. He reached up groggily and without opening his eyes, turned off the alarm. Still half asleep, he rolled over onto his stomach and pulled the flimsy pillow over his head. He did not want to get up.

He lay there for quite a while and although he wanted to go back to sleep, he didn't give in to the temptation. There were quite a few people who would kick his ass if he missed his early morning briefing - his father the first and foremost. Then there was also the fact that neglecting his duties in some way would only falsify the façade he had constructed.

Lee finally removed the pillow and sat up, half-heartedly stretching his arms above his head and trying not to hit the bunk above him. The movement pulled at his stiff muscles, creating a sensation somewhere between pleasure and pain. He ignored it, knowing that it was just another sign telling him he needed to exercise.

He slid the curtain open on his bunk, nearly wincing as he heard the scrape of the metal rings on the rod. The first thing he saw was the empty bunk across from him. Immediately his thoughts jumped to Kara. He stared at her bunk as scenes from the previous night began to flit through his head.

In a way he still couldn't believe that it had happened, although it was clear and very real in his head. It was just that he hadn't been expecting anything like that to happen, but in hindsight maybe he should have been.

As he sat there for a little while longer he realized that he felt different, not substantially, but the feeling was there nonetheless. It didn't take a genius to pinpoint why.

Through everything that had been going on in the last few weeks, Lee had been most afraid that he would push Kara away. Well, he had pushed her away, but he was scared that the damage would be irreversible. Now he knew that it wasn't.

He couldn't help but also dwell on what she had said right before he left. It wasn't his fault. Lee knew that, but that didn't make the guilt go away. If he thought about it logically, he knew she was right. But when he just thought about it period, the guilt automatically surfaced.

Even if the situation were switched around, with Kara in his place, and him in hers, he knew that she would be feeling that guilt too. It was just something that happened, and something that he'd have to deal with. Knowing that Kara didn't blame him though made that task less daunting.

Lee braced both hands on the mattress and pushed himself up slowly. He really needed to get a move on if he was going to meet Tigh in time for the briefing. He opened his locker and grabbed a fresh set of tanks, pulling them over his head. Then he pulled his blue uniform pants on, followed quickly by the jacket. As he was buttoning it closed, his mind began to drift back to his previous thoughts.

He had told Kara that he'd drop in to see her today, he even wanted to drop in to see her, but he had doubts. He wasn't sure if having his reservations being driven by embarrassment was any better than having them driven by guilt, but that was the truth of it.

He was glad that it had been Kara present, instead of someone else, but the thought didn't do much to ease the humiliation. He had promised to go see her though, and he would. He needed to do everything he could to make up for what he'd done wrong, and what he hadn't done at all.

Lee closed his locker door and stepped around Duck, heading for the hatch. He'd go to his office, grab the paperwork he needed and then go meet Tigh. After that he'd drop by sickbay to see Kara.

* * *

Kara hadn't gotten much sleep, so when Cottle stepped through the curtain to check on her during his morning rounds, she fixed him with an icy glare. He just ignored it, apparently immune to them after being on the receiving end for too long.

She sat back against the tilted bed and waited impatiently while he checked some numbers on her chart. Morning rounds had to honestly be the part she hated most about being stuck in sickbay, but nightly rounds came in as a close second. There was absolutely nothing that she enjoyed about Cottle coming in and poking around at her knee, or whatever other injury she was in there with. Her lack of sleep didn't help with that either.

Once Lee had left the night before, she had been too wound up to sleep. Even thinking about sleeping was impossible when she had that many things running through her mind, and that much worry gnawing at her.

Lee and her… their friendship was on the mend, but Lee wasn't. If anything, what had happened the night before only confirmed that something was terribly wrong, and she still had no idea what had caused it. He had told her that he didn't want to make it back alive after he ejected from the blackbird, but she could only guess at the reasons why. And in this case, just like the Old Man, she didn't like guessing. Mostly because her mind could come up with many reasons for the change in Lee, each one of them worse than the last.

If she knew… But that would mean asking him. Lee was closer to her than anyone had ever been, with maybe the exception of Zak, but they didn't do the talking thing. She could think of a number of times where they had been on the verge of having a real conversation, but it always ended with one or both of them walking away, or changing the subject abruptly. Before she could even begin to think about why, Cottle was standing beside her bad knee.

He reached down, and without any preamble, began to remove the brace from her knee. The only sound that filled the area was that of the straps being undone. She could have punched him for his horrible bedside manner, but she managed to restrain herself.

"Up," he said gruffly.

With a groan she obeyed his command, lifting her right leg off the bed. She hated this part. Cottle poked and prodded at her swollen knee while she tried not to wince in pain.

"It's getting better," he stated.

Kara looked at her knee, really looked at it, and all she saw was a discolored and very swollen joint. It looked the same as it had yesterday, and the day before. How the hell it was getting better, she didn't know. Even the pain felt the same, just on the verge of excruciating, and that was with the drugs. For a second she thought he might be lying about it getting better, but she dismissed the idea. It wasn't something that he would do. He was a cranky old bastard who could care less about keeping her hopes up.

"How much longer?" she asked suddenly, unable to look at her knee anymore.

"Till what?" Cottle questioned in return.

Before she could answer he began to extend her leg until her knee was no longer bent, before bringing it back up near her chest, bending it as far as it would go. She was pretty sure that testing the flexibility of her knee was not so important that she needed to go through the amount of pain she was experiencing.

It was bad enough when she was just sitting there, not moving at all, but when you added movement into the mix it felt like there were knives being stabbed into her knee at every point. She had to close her eyes and bite her tongue to stop her from crying out as Cottle kept on moving her leg. When she felt the burning sensation that meant tears, she suddenly realized how bad this might be. As much as she tried to burn all memories of her sickbay visits from her mind, she was pretty sure that her knee had never hurt to that extent before.

Suddenly she was scared - actually scared. What if she never flew again? No, she was not going to think about that. Cottle had told her that it would be two or three weeks of physiotherapy after she was released, and then she'd be flying again. No, his exact words had been 'most likely flying again' and she had contorted them to be what she wanted.

"Until I fly again," she said quickly during a pause in the movement.

She opened her eyes to look at him, awaiting his answer.

"I told you," he said shortly as he lowered her leg back down to the bed and motioned at her to put the brace back on. "Two or three weeks of physio and then _we'll see_."

She nodded, really wishing that he had given her a better answer.

* * *

When the Old Man came in to see her, less than an hour after Cottle had left, she was mostly sitting, but partially lying on the bed, staring at the entrance. He looked at her a little oddly as he entered, and she figured it was probably because of the intensity with which she was staring at the curtain.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he walked over to the side of her bed.

"Peachy," she lied. The look on his face told her that he didn't believe her.

He gave her a sympathetic smile before pulling a chair over from near the partition to her left. "Anything I can do?" he asked as he sat down.

Kara shook her head as she looked over at him. "No, I'll be fine."

"I'm sure you will," he said encouragingly. She felt a small smile begin to tug at the corners of her lips. He really was like a father to her. His confidence of her meant a hell of a lot more than he would ever know.

"Thanks," she said, her voice almost a whisper.

He reached over and squeezed her shoulder lightly and she did smile. "What'd Doc say about your knee?"

That quickly, her smile faded and she dropped her eyes, bringing her gaze to rest on the joint in question. "It's getting better… apparently."

"Apparently?" the Admiral questioned.

She shrugged, still staring at what little bruised skin she could see through the brace. "That's what he says, but it doesn't feel any better." She felt another small surge of fear as the thought of never flying again crossed her mind.

She turned to face him again, trying to appear nonchalant. "I'm sure Cottle's right though." She put on a smile for his benefit, and he smiled back. It took her a few seconds to realize that the smile wasn't reaching his eyes.

"Sir, are you… are you ok?" she asked tentatively, wondering if there were two broken Adama's that needed fixing.

It was like he was lost in his thoughts, and it took him a while to answer. "Yes, I…" he broke off, as if he was pondering his upcoming words. "No," he admitted. "I'm worried about Lee."

Kara nodded, even though she hadn't really been expecting to hear that. "So am I." There was no point in lying, or beating around the bush with this.

"He's been different since…"

"He ejected from the blackbird," Kara finished. "I know," she added quietly. She knew that too well.

The Admiral leaned back in the chair and wearily ran one hand over his face. It was the same thing that Lee did when he was exhausted.

He let out a sigh before he started talking. "I was hoping that he'd come talk to you. I figured it might do him some good." Before Kara could say anything, he kept talking. "I know he won't talk to me, but I thought that maybe he'd open up if it was someone he trusted."

For a second Kara couldn't say anything, she was still trying to take in what she just heard. "He does trust you," she said certainly.

The Old Man shook his head and looked Kara in the eye. "No he doesn't, not since the Pegasus arrived."

Kara opened her mouth to protest the absurd statement, but stopped before she got any words out. Silently she shut her mouth again. Shit. Was that why Lee… It had to be, or at least partially, but didn't he understand that his father's decision had been the right one?

"What should I do Kara?" His voice was so earnest that she was startled. He was asking her for relationship advice. He'd be better off asking Tigh.

"Give him time," she said quietly. It was the only advice that she could think to give, especially knowing how unstable their father-son relationship could be. It was something that she still felt guilty about.

He nodded, but didn't look reassured.

"I'll talk to him later," she said.

The Admiral smiled. "I appreciate that Kara, but you don't have to."

"No," she said quickly. "I want to help him too." It was more than a little awkward telling that to the Old Man, Lee's father, but she'd passed the point of caring about stuff like that. All she wanted to do was get the old Lee back.

The Old Man's smile broadened a tiny bit. "I'm glad that you want to help, but quite honestly I don't know how you'll manage that."

She felt disappointed. She knew that she probably wasn't the best person to help Lee, but she didn't need someone else, especially the Old Man, pointing that out to her. "I can try," she said, her voice taking on an angry tone.

"You're in sickbay Kara, and I can't very well order him to come and see you."

The anger faded away as she realized what the he was getting at. "Actually sir," she said timidly. "He's supposed to be dropping by later."

The surprised look on the Admiral's face would have been comical if it were under any other circumstance. "He's what?"

She nodded. "He came by last night too."

A relieved smile spread across his face and Kara got the distinct feeling that she was missing something. Before she had a chance to ask, the Admiral was standing up. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head lightly, just like the last time he had come to visit her.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

Even though she didn't know exactly what he was referring to, she heard herself respond with a quiet, "You're welcome".

Just as the he was leaving her 'room', Kara called out, "Sir."

He paused and looked over his shoulder.

"Do you mind leaving the curtain open?" she asked. "I need some fresh air."

He left the curtain open just enough so that she could see out of it. But he glanced over his shoulder on the way out and gave her a knowing look. There was no such thing as fresh air on a battlestar and he knew her real reason for asking.

* * *

Lee made it to the conference room only a minute before his meeting was supposed to start. He'd had to skip breakfast to make it there, but it was better than the alternative. He entered to find Tigh shifting through a large stack of papers, while nursing a mug of… something. Lee hoped it was coffee.

"You're late," Tigh said, without even looking up at the clock.

Lee automatically bristled at his words. "Actually Colonel, I'm exactly on time."

Tigh merely snorted, and without looking up, indicated that Lee should sit down at the table across from him. Lee did so reluctantly and waited for the Colonel to finish whatever he was doing.

Not more than a few seconds later, Tigh looked up from his work. "Well, do you have the viper and raptor maintenance reports?"

Lee's fists clenched under the table, and he managed to grit out a "Yes, sir" as he slid the papers in question across the table. The older man picked them up and began to flip through them, obviously not really reading them. He was flipping through way too quickly for that. At random intervals he would nod his head slightly, or make an odd sounding noise at the back of his throat. Lee had gotten used to that after months of being the CAG.

As soon as the XO had finished with the maintenance reports, Lee handed him the flight schedules. The early morning briefings weren't exactly meetings so much as times when Tigh monitored all of Lee's CAG duties. He would sit and wait while Tigh read various reports and they'd discuss them if they needed to. But normally they didn't, and that was why Lee was surprised when Tigh took one glance at the flight schedule before tossing it back at him.

"What's this?" he asked angrily.

"It's a flight schedule… Sir."

Tigh glared at him. "Well why the hell aren't there more pilots on each rotation?"

Lee didn't understand. He had scheduled just as many pilots for CAP as he normally did, no more, and certainly no less. "What are you talking about?"

"We need more pilots flying patrol if we're going to secure and refine all of that tyllium." Tigh responded sharply, obviously pissed off now.

Tyllium? When had they found tyllium? As far as Lee knew none of the raptor scouting parties had found any of the essential ore. He opened his mouth to ask what the hell Tigh was talking about just as the hatch opened behind him.

Closing his mouth and turning around, he saw his father. Their eyes met for a second and the Admiral gave Lee a small smile. He had no idea what that was about either.

"Good morning gentlemen," he said as he walked over to the table and took a seat next to Tigh.

It took Lee a second to realize why the entire scenario seemed odd. Hid dad never came to the morning briefings. Not unless something important was going on, and even then it was rare. In that case he would more likely be called to a separate meeting, specifically about whatever crisis they were dealing with. What was even more odd was that Tigh did not look surprised to see him.

"I talked to the president last night, and we've decided how we're going to go about this," the Admiral said, effectively interrupting Lee's confused thoughts. That quickly he had the unwavering attention of both other occupants of the room. Tigh looked like he was actually interested, and Lee was too, but mostly so he could know what the hell was going on.

"Our initial estimates of the tyllium were short, by a lot."

"How much is there?" Tigh asked quickly.

"More than we could ever hope of refining."

"We were damn lucky," Tigh said bluntly.

They were damn lucky to have found any tyllium, let alone more than they could use. Lee just didn't know how the hell he didn't know about the discovery. Had he been so caught up in his own thoughts that he'd missed out on the most important piece of information in the entire fleet?

He felt shame burn through his veins. That had to be it. Gods, he was supposed to be the CAG and now he couldn't even do that properly. His father's voice brought him back to the present, and Lee just hoped that he hadn't missed anything else that was vital.

"It will take us three, maybe even four weeks to refine all that we can store."

"That's a hell of a long time," the XO stated. "How are we supposed to manage that?"

The Admiral sighed. "We jump the fleet to the tyllium."

"The entire fleet?" Lee asked, suddenly very apprehensive about the plan.

"Yes," his father said, meeting his eyes. "The president and I have deemed it to be an appropriate risk."

Lee gulped down a nasty response about the president and his father's joint decision making.

"We'll stay until the cylons come. Except for a few days ago, we haven't encountered them, and even then we found them, not the other way around. We can only assume that after the destruction of the resurrection ship they're hesitant about engaging us in combat." Bill looked at Lee and Tigh respectively. "We'll get as much tyllium as we can while we're there."

Lee found himself nodding along with the Colonel. Given the circumstances it probably was the best plan, but jumping the entire fleet would use up a hell of a lot of fuel. If the cylons showed up early into the recovery of the ore, they were screwed.

"What about the civvie ships?" Tigh asked. "I thought that they were still doing repairs."

The Admiral nodded. "They are, but thankfully they're almost finished. The reports I got said that all the ships in the fleet will be FTL capable by tomorrow."

The repair teams that Lee had helped organize a few days ago must have been quick and efficient. It made him feel slightly better, knowing that he wasn't fully inept.

He didn't dwell on the thought for long; his mind was still reeling over their miraculous discovery of tyllium. Whatever the case was, it seemed like the shortage would be short lived. The search was over and it left only small minute details in need of discussion. When they finished Adama stood, Lee and Tigh standing along with him.

"Well, I believe that's all," his father said, the words feeling almost empty to Lee. It barely felt like the conversation had begun at all. It had just sort of rushed by him.

Together Lee and Tigh saluted the Admiral and watched him leave. Once he was gone, they both sat back down to look over the now unfinished flight schedules. Lee only needed to figure them out, and then he could get out of there.

* * *

Not too much later Lee found himself entering sickbay for the second time in less than twenty four hours. He was feeling rather nervous. A small voice in the back of his head was saying that he had no reason to feel that way. But he didn't know what or who he could trust, with only one exception.

He straightened the collar on his jacket with his empty hand, feeling oddly self-conscious, as he started towards Kara's bed. He wasn't even half way across sickbay when he noticed that the curtain around her bed was parted slightly. He could see her lying on the bed, staring out the crack. As his feet brought him a few steps closer, she saw him.

The smile on her face made him feel a bit better, and he didn't have to force his feet to go the final distance. He stepped through the small gap in the material before closing it behind him. He didn't know why he did it, but it just felt right.

"Hey," Kara said, sounding timid. Well… timid for her anyway.

"Hey," he replied, shifting his weight from his right foot to his left, and then back again. He was feeling a little unnerved under Kara's gaze. It wasn't scrutinous, but it was revealing. Kind of like she was trying to determine his thoughts by merely looking at him.

After a few seconds she said, "Sit," and indicated the chair beside the infirmary bed. He couldn't remember if it had been there the night before or not.

He sank down into it and realized how tired he felt. It wasn't even mid-morning – whatever the hell that meant in space – and he felt about ready to hit his rack. But it wasn't the exhausted listlessness that he had grown accustomed to, and that seemed better, or at least more real to him.

It took Lee a few more seconds of silence to realize that Kara was staring at the papers in his hand. It suddenly occurred to him that it might be giving off the wrong impression.

"I just need to take them to my office after this," he said quickly, glad that the words hadn't gotten jumbled on his tongue.

"Good," Kara said. "I thought you were going to make me work on flight rotations with you."

"I wou…" he let his words drop off as he saw that Kara was still smiling. He felt a surge of relief as he realized that she was joking; she wasn't mad at all. There had once been a time when he would have noticed that right away.

"What are they for anyway?" Kara asked, reaching over to pluck them from his hands.

"Mission report," he said automatically. The smile began to fade from Kara's face and he wished that he could take his words back.

"You haven't written yours yet?" she asked quietly.

Lee shook his head and sighed. "No." There was no need to elaborate why. "But the Admiral wants them on his desk by the end of the day."

"Umm, Lee," Kara began in an unsure voice. "There's something that you should probably know."

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

_Previously:_

"_Mission report," he said automatically. The smile began to fade from Kara's face and he wished that he could take his words back._

"_You haven't written yours yet?" she asked quietly._

_Lee shook his head and sighed. "No." There was no need to elaborate why. "But the Admiral wants them_ _on his desk by the end of the day."_

_"Umm, Lee," Kara began in an unsure voice. "There's something that you should probably know."_

**Chapter 5**

Lee looked at her warily. Shit. When she had been writing up her own mission report she obviously hadn't been thinking. It could have been the fact that she was damn near high on painkillers and that she wanted to get the paperwork out of the way. Or because she thought she'd see Lee that night, and she'd have time to explain her decision to him. But after everything and him not coming to see her, she'd completely forgotten about it, and now like most things did, it was coming back to bite her in the ass.

"What are you talking about Kara?" Lee asked in a demanding voice. He wanted an answer. She just hoped he'd realize that she'd done it for him.

"I…" She couldn't look at him, so she dropped her gaze down to the bed. As her fingers began to play with the frayed edge of the thin wool blanket she continued. "I didn't exactly…" She took a deep breath. "I didn't exactly tell the truth."

"What!" Lee said, getting angry.

She tore her gaze away from the bed and looked at him. She'd started and now she had to finish. She just hoped that it wouldn't tear their shaky friendship apart.

"I didn't lie," she said quickly, hoping that the explanation would make sense to him in the way it did in her head. "I just left some stuff out."

By the hardened, angry look on his face, she could tell that he knew which parts she was referring to. He opened his mouth, probably to reprimand her, but she started talking again quickly. At least that way he'd know the whole truth before he started yelling at her.

"I did it for you Lee. So that your dad wouldn't know exactly what happened. Because I thought that if you wanted him to know, then you'd want to tell him, instead of him reading it in someone else's mission report." Kara's voice dropped off near the end. She held her breath as the look on Lee's face played between anger and relief.

Eventually he leaned back in the chair and let out a disheartened sigh as he ran one hand over his face. Kara let out the breath she had been holding. After a few tense minutes of silence Lee spoke in a quiet voice.

"What did you write in your mission report?" he asked in an almost pleading voice. "I should at least make sure that ours are the same."

Kara found herself nodding. She didn't want him to have to cover up for her mistakes, but it wouldn't be good to have two conflicting reports. Not that she thought the Old Man would chastise her if he found out what she had been doing, but it was still better if he didn't know.

"I'm sorry Lee," she blurted out quickly, looking away from him again. "I wasn't trying to make this harder."

"I know," he said, sounding mostly sincere, if not still a little angry. "What did you write?" His words were half questioning and half demanding.

She inadvertently took another deep breath before she started her explanation. "The only thing that I changed was… you know."

"I know." His voice was flat and without looking at him she couldn't judge his reaction.

It didn't really matter though. She still felt like she was back in her childhood, screwing up for the umpteenth time.

Still not looking up at Lee she began to talk. "I said that you and I were engaged in another dogfight, drifting away from the main fight." Which they had been, in a way. It wasn't a lie. "And that I was shooting down raiders and when I flipped back around all I saw was a raider coming straight for you. I tried to shoot, but I had run out of ammo. So I… I flew in between you and the raider."

She just hadn't mentioned how Lee had frozen up, how she had spent at least three minutes constantly killing cylons and covering his ass while he sat there, completely unmoving. "There. That's it," she said quickly, trying to gain back some composure.

"He probably figured it out Kara." The distinct lack of anger in his voice coaxed her head back up. "My dad is a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of them." Before she could respond or get mad about him pointing out the inadequacies of her plan, Lee started talking again.

"But he doesn't know for sure." He sighed again and Kara felt less angry. "That's why he didn't revoke my flight status."

She couldn't tell if he was actually talking to her, or just thinking out loud. Either way she couldn't stop herself from saying, "He doesn't need to revoke your flight status."

Lee let out a sound that was halfway between a snort and an indignant laugh. "You sure about that?"

At first she couldn't say anything. She couldn't believe that Lee doubted his abilities in a viper. "Yes," she responded, looking him straight in the eye.

* * *

Lee had to look away as Kara's gaze burned into him. How could she not see it? There was no way that he was fit to fly, not after what had happened.

"Lee," she said quietly and he was tempted to look back at her. "It won't happen again," she said. She sounded so damn sure about it that he snapped.

"How do you know that!" he asked, his voice near yelling. "When I'm out there I'm endangering everyone's lives. Someday I'll freeze up again, and someone is going to die because of it."

She barely even flinched, and he had to admire that. "It's not going to happen again," she stated. "It was your first time in combat since we destroyed the resurrection ship."

He couldn't stop a shiver from running down his spine as she talked. If it weren't for that frakking ship…

"How can you be so sure?" he asked, his voice suddenly evolving from anger into uncertainty.

For a second he thought that he might have asked the wrong thing. Kara was staring at him with a weird look on her face and it took her a few seconds to answer.

"I just know. I know that sounds stupid, but it's true." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I don't know how many times I've seen people freeze up, but it only ever happens once."

Lee had seen people freeze up too, just like she had, and she was right, it never happened more than once. Although that was mostly because after freezing up the first time they didn't get a chance to do it again.

"Have you flown since then?" Kara asked, her voice so quiet that he could barely make it out.

He shook his head. "Not yet, I've been too tied up with paperwork. And with Pegasus here we aren't short on pilots anymore."

He tried to fight back the dread he felt at flying again. How was he supposed to even get back in that cockpit? Being a viper pilot meant flying to save people's lives, not to end them.

She must have been able to read the doubts on his face because she reached over and laid her hand gently on his forearm. "I know you'll be fine." She sounded so certain that he found himself nodding.

He had to get over this right? He felt somewhat better; that had to mean something. Maybe he would be fine. Everything was just so muddled in his head that he couldn't straighten it into something that made sense, into something that was logical.

He supposed that he'd just have to face that challenge when he came to it; there was nothing more that he could do. It wasn't like he could prepare himself for freezing up in combat. In the end he'd either be fine like Kara said, or he'd die. He shuttered at the thought. He didn't want to die.

"You okay?" Kara asked quietly, her hand still lying gently on his arm.

"I don't want to die Kara," he said softly, his voice nearly catching in his throat. He didn't know what made him say it, but once again he just couldn't stop the words from escaping his mouth.

She nodded her head slightly and let out a sigh of relief.

If he had been moving he would have paused at the look on her face. Something suddenly dawned on him. It wasn't just his absence in sickbay that had affected Kara; it was the whole thing, probably starting from the very moment he told her he didn't want to make it back. Hell, maybe even since he ejected from the blackbird, the ship she had helped create. Frak! This was his problem not hers, but he should have never expected it to be that easy. Things never were when it came to them.

"Then why…" she started quietly before pausing. She looked like she wasn't sure whether or not she wanted to continue. "Why did you say that?"

"I was tired of fighting," he admitted softly, not needing her to specify what she was talking about. "I was just so tired of it all." Lee had no idea where all the blatant honesty was coming from, but it wasn't as hard or as awkward as he would have guessed.

"Tired of what?" Kara asked hesitantly.

"Everything," he said before letting out a deep sigh. After a few moments pause he continued. "We're supposed to be doing what's right. But we can't even do that anymore."

* * *

Her guess from earlier that morning had been right, or at least partially right.

"Your dad made the right decision Lee."

It was as if her words had flicked a switch, because the next thing she knew he was glaring at her and talking in an icy tone. "That's what you call a right decision? Resolving disputes with your superior officers by attempting to assassinate them?" She pulled her hand away quickly.

"That's what you think it was Lee, a dispute?" she asked angrily, automatically shifting into defensive mode. "She would have destroyed the entire human race. He made the right decision and even then he still backed down from it."

"But he made the decision in the first place Kara, him and the president."

"What else were they supposed to do Lee? They were acting on a gut feeling, one that was right."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Kara took a few breaths to calm herself before answering. "She would have destroyed the entire fleet. Is that what you wanted?" She couldn't help herself from adding in the last scathing comment, even though she knew it would make him mad. She was just so frakking frustrated. Why wasn't Lee getting this?

"Please explain to me how she was going to single-handedly annihilate humanity," he said sarcastically. "I didn't like her either Kara, but deciding to kill her wasn't the answer."

Kara had to fight back the urge to smack Lee upside the back of his head. "She would have jettisoned our civilian fleet," Kara managed to grit out from behind clenched teeth.

Lee was still looking at her harshly. "What the hell are you talking about?" he asked, repeating his question from earlier.

Frak. He honestly didn't know. Kara gulped before answering, her voice losing most of its venom.

"Pegasus had a civilian fleet." She registered the shocked look on Lee's face that only served to confirm her guess, but she just kept talking. "Cain ordered the ships to be stripped for parts, including FTL drives. And she took some of the passengers to work on Pegasus. It wasn't voluntary. Then she left them stranded."

"You knew this and you still thought that we were better off with her leading the fleet?"

Great, she had put him on the defensive and now he was attacking her. She clenched her fists.

"I didn't know that until _after_ the funeral Lee."

Kara watched closely and carefully as Lee alternated between looking pissed off and disgusted. She felt her heart constrict.

"Well I guess I just miss out on all the important things," he said. His voice was so acidic that she flinched as the words left his mouth, then his whole demeanor suddenly softened. "Sorry," he said, his voice barely audible, as he averted his eyes.

She knew there was something else he was thinking about. She wanted to know, but she wasn't sure that asking would be the smartest plan. But she rarely did the smart thing.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, keeping her voice quiet.

"We… they found tyllium. I didn't find out until the middle of the briefing this morning. I was already supposed to know." It was silent for a few moments until he added, "Did you know?"

He turned to face her, and he looked so vulnerable… she couldn't lie to him.

"Yes," she said, nodding her head once to emphasize the point. "I heard one of the nurses talking about it this morning."

Lee let out a long shaky breath and leaned back in his chair. He looked exhausted. She wished that there was some way, any way, that she could make things less hard for him.

"What's wrong with me?" he asked quietly while staring off at the curtain on the other side of the bed from him.

Her heart constricted again. How the hell was she supposed to answer that? "You're going through a lot," she responded, her voice just as quiet as his had been. "You can't be perfect all the time Lee. No one can."

She was surprised when he chuckled. "You think _I'm_ perfect?" he asked speculatively. His gaze remained fixed on the curtain.

Kara nodded, but then remembering that he couldn't see her said, "As close to perfect as anyone can be."

Then he smiled and turned to look at her. Kara found herself smiling too. She'd done something right and it felt damn good.

* * *

Kara thought that he was perfect. Her judgment had to be skewed in some way, but it still felt frakking good to hear someone say that. But if he was being completely honest with himself, it felt that good because of who was saying it. She'd seen him at his absolute worst and she still felt that way.

He felt like a frakking yo-yo though. One second he was depressed, the next he was angry, and then suddenly he was happy. Not that he minded the happy part. It felt damn good to be smiling again.

Reluctantly he checked his watch. He had a few hours until he was due on Colonial One for a meeting with the president.

"You have to go?" Kara asked as she shifted a bit in the bed.

He shook his head. "Not really. I have to catch a shuttle in just under three hours."

Kara's face lit up and she reached over to the small table beside her bed. He wondered what the hell she could be doing. When she pulled out a deck of cards from the top drawer he stopped wondering.

"Wanna play a few rounds?" she asked. She was still smiling, but she sounded hesitant. Not that he could really blame her. He knew better than anyone how unpredictable he could be these days.

"You mean do I want to let you steal my money? You should know the answer to that," he said. He smirked as he took the cards from her hand and started to deal.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Lee spent the next three days balancing his duties with the time he spent visiting Kara in sickbay. It wasn't as hard as some might have guessed, especially given his extensive paperwork foray in the two weeks directly following the destruction of the resurrection ship. Other than changes to the flight schedule and the normal weekly maintenance reports, he didn't have much to do.

For the most part that was a good thing; it allowed him to spend his free time doing whatever he wanted, which always turned out to be keeping Kara sane during her stay in Cottle's dungeon. At first, things had been rather tentative and almost awkward between the two of them. Sometimes Lee would find himself not knowing what to say or do, unsure what her reaction might be. But with each passing minute they spent together it got easier. They'd almost reverted back to the easy banter that constituted their relationship.

There was only one bad thing about having the extra time; it forced Lee to put himself back on the flight schedule. He was still the CAG, that much hadn't changed, and because he wasn't swamped with paperwork and other various duties, he belonged out there with his pilots. His first time back in a viper had been two days after his lengthy conversation with Kara.

_Lee stood in the middle of the bunkroom and zipped up his flight suit with trembling hands while he ignored the clenching pain in his stomach. He still wasn't sure this was a good idea, but it was either that or he revoked his own flight status, and that would cause too many people to start asking too many questions. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, inhaling and exhaling deeply, hoping it would somehow calm his nerves. He hadn't felt this way since his first time flying a real viper._

_He opened up his eyes and he did up the buckles on the front of his flight suit, moving so forcefully that he nearly caught the skin of his thumb in the clasp. He'd made his decision; he was going to do this. He was going to get back in his viper, and now was not the time to chicken out._

_When he made it to the flight deck he did his best to appear unchanged, completely in control, and not the slightest bit nervous. He was pretty sure that it worked, but he was too busy focusing on that to look for reactions from any of the crew._

_The preflight routine went smoothly. He felt hyper-aware though, like the sounds, sights and smells of the hanger deck were sharper than before. It seemed more real after having lived in a puddle of confusion for the past… he didn't even know how long._

_By the time he made it to the launch tube his stomach was twisting itself up in knots even if he didn't show any outward signs of it. The launch supervisor checked off the launch systems verbally, the fuzzy sound of his voice coming over the comm channel and filling Lee's ears._

_Lee moved his hands into place, clutching the throttle a bit tighter than he needed to, only because it served to still his shaking hands. The supervisor's last words came through over the comm and Lee gave one sharp nod. It was now or never._

_As he sped out the side of Galactica, his heart rate increased two-fold and he could feel sweat breaking out all over his body. But as soon as he made it into space he felt calmer. He'd never before considered the dark void to be soothing, but it was._

_The CAP began their first sweep of the mining area, leaving the patrol around the civilians to the Pegasus pilots. With each turn and change of pitch Lee felt more like his old self._

_He wished that he could pinpoint why - why this time was so much different than the others since his ejection from the blackbird - but he couldn't. He just knew that once again, it felt good to be flying._

"_Cut the chatter," he said suddenly, interrupting Kat's punch line to a crude joke he'd heard a million times._

_There were a few responses of "Yes, Sir", some sounding relieved to be spared from Kat's joke and others resentful about his order. He didn't care; all he wanted was to enjoy the feeling of flying again._

That had been the day before and Lee was just now returning from another rotation. Duck had gotten food poisoning and his shift needed to be covered at the last minute. Instead of delegating the responsibility, Lee had opted to take it. He had been sure of his decision until his stiff muscles began to protest as he levered himself out of his cockpit. He really needed to start working out again.

As soon as his feet hit the deck he hurried across the hanger deck. The only bad thing about taking Duck's rotation was that it left him with hardly any time to get to sickbay for Kara's release, or her 'return to freedom' as she had taken to calling it. She had said that she didn't need an escort back to the bunkroom, and he was sure that was true, but it didn't mean she didn't want one.

**OoOoOoOoO**

Kara could hardly contain her joy as Cottle stopped prodding her knee and told her that she was free to leave. She had used crutches the day before and he'd only needed to keep her for one extra night to make sure that 'walking' hadn't agitated her knee too much.

"Get the hell out of my sickbay," he ordered, the words coming out more like a growl.

"My pleasure, Sir," she said as she turned on the bed, swinging her legs over the side. Moving still hurt a hell of a lot, but it was bearable and that was all she could ask for.

Cottle muttered something under his breath as he turned and left. It was probably derogatory, but at that moment she truly didn't care. _She was getting out of sickbay!_

Her spirits dropped a little as she realized that Lee wasn't there to accompany her back as he had promised, but she knew that he would have a good reason for it. No sooner had the thought entered her mind than Lee walked through the partially open curtain.

"Ready to get out of here?" he asked.

"You b…" but the words died on her tongue as she took in his appearance. He was in a flight suit, and his hair was damp with sweat.

"You were flying," she said, the words somewhere between a statement and a question.

He nodded his head as he made his way over to stand beside her. "Yeah." A small grin spread over his face.

"You didn't tell me," she said, trying not to sound hurt. It was his business after all, but she would have expected him to tell her.

He just shrugged his shoulders. "I actually flew CAP last night too, but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it."

She tried not to think about how it _was_ a big deal, for both of them.

"I figured with you worrying about your knee and getting out of here, that I'd just tell you later." His voice grew hesitant at the end of his sentence, like he was unsure how to say what he wanted to.

Kara couldn't help but notice how he still flinched when he mentioned her knee injury. She nodded her head. It did make sense, but she still wished that she would have known.

Lee extended his hand toward her and it took her a second to realize what he was doing. However, as soon as she did recognize the gesture for what it was, she gripped his hand tightly and allowed him to help her up from the bed, moving slowly so as not to jar her knee too much.

She stood there, balanced on her good leg, waiting patiently as Lee handed her her crutches.

She tucked them firmly under her arms, but before she started moving she said, "Can you grab that?" She looked down at the small duffel on the bedside chair to indicate what she was talking about.

"Sure," Lee said as he picked it up and slung it over his shoulder. There wasn't much in it, just a few clothes and a deck of cards, but it'd be rather awkward to carry while trying to maneuver the hallways with crutches.

She started moving and Lee followed her, hovering only half a step behind. She smiled.

**OoOoOoOoO**

Lee walked with Kara through the hallways of Galactica, doing his best to stay beside her and not linger behind to catch her in case she happened to fall. It wasn't that he really thought she would, but he couldn't help himself. The feeling was instinctive, and he wouldn't be able to rid himself of it if he tried.

They passed quite a few people on their way to the bunkroom. Some had warm wishes for Kara's recovery, others like Kat just had an icy glare to give.

It took a lot longer than usual to make it to the pilot's quarters, but Lee didn't acknowledge it in any way. He knew that Kara was already frustrated enough with having to use crutches, and reminding her of their slowing effects wouldn't be the smartest thing to do, not if he wanted to make it back to the bunkroom alive.

He wasn't surprised when they found the bunkroom empty. It was midday and most pilots were on either a CAP rotation or maintenance shift, and if they weren't then they were probably grabbing some R and R off-ship.

Lee hung back a little bit when they arrived, letting Kara enter first. She made her way across the room, slowly navigating past the table and a chair or two, heading for her bunk on the far side.

"It's good to be back," she said so quietly he wasn't even sure if he was meant to hear the words. She looked over her shoulder and smiled at him. It was infectious and he found himself grinning back. He wanted to say something in response, but everything that flitted through his mind didn't seem right.

Kara moved the final distance until she was in front of her bunk. She stopped suddenly and muttered something under her breath, her smile falling away. If Lee wasn't mistaken it sounded like "Crap".

"Umm," she said quietly as Lee was still trying to figure out what was wrong. "I don't think this is going to work."

She was eying the top bunk with disgust and suddenly it clicked. When the Pegasus had arrived, some pilots had been transferred and a lot of the bunk arrangements had shifted, including theirs. Kara's bunk was now a top one instead of a bottom.

Lee reached around Kara and tossed her duffel onto his bunk, directly beneath hers.

"What are you doing?" she asked, sounding half confused and half intrigued.

He shrugged. "You can have my bunk until your knee's better," he said, biting his tongue at the end to keep from adding, 'it's my fault anyway'.

"Are you sure?" she asked, rapidly switching her gaze from him to the bottom bed.

He nodded. "Yeah." It's not like they weren't already living in each other's back pockets.

"Thanks," she said, her voice unusually quiet.

After a few seconds of odd silence, Kara opened her locker, directly to the left of their racks. She reached in and pulled out her… shower kit? The Starbuck grin was back. "I don't think I've ever wanted a shower more in my life," she said, completely in earnest.

Lee chuckled. "Well, I bet we could do something about that."

**OoOoOoOoOoO**

Late that night Kara lay in Lee's bunk, listening to the quiet chatter of the other pilots as they either left for a night shift or made their way to their racks for some sleep. Lee was off in a meeting with the President and she was enjoying her freedom.

She wouldn't be back on active duty for about another three weeks, so she really didn't have that much to do. Although she supposed that it wouldn't be long before people started to hand off paperwork to her, or assigned her other tasks that didn't require a fully functioning knee. She'd welcome it actually, because doing nothing would drive her stir crazy. For the current time however, she didn't have anything to do, and her mind began to drift like it had taken to doing for the past few weeks.

Things weren't back to normal between the two of them and not even just with Lee himself, but they were on their way. There were times however when she could tell that he was thinking about saying something, probably important, but then he wouldn't. She didn't mention it to him. The last thing that she wanted to do was push. All she could do was hope that he might open up eventually, and if he didn't on his own, she could think of a few ways to persuade him.

He still felt guilty about what had happened, she could see it in his eyes every time he looked at her, and his actions only made it that much clearer. He was being protective. It was usually just frakking annoying to her, as she hated being mollycoddled, but this time she didn't mind it so much, although she couldn't think up a clear reason for why that was. She'd bet anything that it had more to do with the person who was being overprotective, instead of the situation. Lee always made her do crazy shit.

Even now, lying in his bunk, her head on his pillow, breathing in the unique scent that was him, her mind was drifting into dangerous territory. There were things that she'd vowed never to think about in regards to Lee; feelings that he stirred up inside of her, feelings that she knew were true and wouldn't be disappearing any time soon. She'd shoved them so far down, hoping that she would never have to confront them. It was complete and utter denial, but it meant that there was no chance for her to betray Zak and ruin the best friendship she had all in one fell swoop. It seemed worth it to her.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Finding Purpose 7**

Two weeks later, the fleet was still refining and processing tyllium. The cylons had yet to show up and even though the fleet was set to condition two, ready to jump at practically any moment, mining operations were still in full swing.

Lee knew how much additional stress his pilots were under because of the situation, and he wasn't surprised to see the rec room packed full every night. There were numerous card games going on, and the alcohol flowed freely… very freely. Normally he would have insisted that they cut back on the excessive gambling and more importantly drinking, but not this time. They all needed a way to unwind, and he would only interfere if the pilots' nightly escapades began to affect their flying.

Somehow Lee found himself included in the latest night of rowdiness, seated at one of the triad tables with a half-empty drink in front of him. Actually, he only needed to look to his left to find the reason for him being there. Kara had been hounding him for days to relax and take the stick out of his ass. She could be frakking persistent when she wanted to, and he had finally caved, picking tonight mainly because he didn't have a morning rotation the next day.

Looking down at his watch, he realized that it was technically the next morning already. It was almost 0100 and it wouldn't be long before what remained of the crew began to reluctantly file out and hit their racks. From the looks of it, nearly all of them would be nursing a hangover in the morning, himself included. It was his… he didn't even know how many drinks he'd had.

Kara just kept pouring them and he just kept drinking them. He didn't even think that his glass had ever made it back to being completely empty. At some point around half way or one third of the way full, Kara would fill it again. Just like now. Was she trying to get him drunk? The cards in his hands blurred in front of him – it might be too late.

She grinned just a little too widely when he picked up his glass and drank. He knew that grin. Crap, she had full colors.

"I'm out," he said, tossing his cards down onto the table after putting his drink back down. It was probably a good decision, because he couldn't even remember what had been in his hand.

Gaeta gave him an odd look, like he was trying to decide if he should follow Lee's example, knowing full well that he was playing against Starbuck. In the end, Gaeta took his chance and upped the bet. Lee watched the hand play out in front of him.

Both the Chief and Racetrack folded, leaving only Gaeta against Kara. The poor man didn't have a chance. He laid down a three on a run, and immediately Kara revealed full colors. The shit-eating Starbuck grin was plastered on her face as she raked her winnings toward her.

Gaeta just sat there, shocked that Kara had the one hand that would beat his. "Un-frakking-believable."

**OoOoOoOoO**

Kara poured herself another drink as the Chief pushed his chair back from the table and stood up.

"Goodnight sirs," he said.

" 'Night Chief," she said brightly, grinning up at him as she took a gulp from her glass. The rotgut burned down her throat and almost made her cringe.

Tyrol shook his head at her behavior, but a small smile still graced his face.

" 'Night Chief," Lee said. His words were no longer slurring together. She had stopped filling up his glass nearly and hour and a half before. She had been aiming to get him drunk, but not _that_ drunk.

After Tyrol's departure, only Lee was left at the table with her. She could practically see the wheels turning in his head. He knew that he should go catch some rack time, but then there was the fact that he had a late rotation the next… no, that day.

She smiled as he slouched down a bit in his chair, obviously not leaving. Good, she thought. She had been bugging Lee for the past three or four days to come to the rec room with her. Not only had she been missing his presence at the triad table, but she had also thought it might give her an opportunity.

_Something_ had been eating away at him, and it seemed that he wasn't going to open up about it, at least not without a little persuasion. She couldn't, or more accurately wouldn't, ask him outright. However, if she could get him to spill without asking him, then she would.

Besides, she'd known for a long time how Lee's tongue seemed to get looser and looser the more he drank. One time they had gone to the bar with Zak and he had somehow managed to get his uptight older brother to let loose, drink a little… okay, a lot. They had all been sufficiently drunk, but Lee had been pissed out of his mind. She'd _never_ heard him talk that much. There had been more than a few things she found out that night, things that she knew Lee wouldn't normally be willing to divulge. She could only hope that it would work this time.

They settled into an easy silence as the stragglers left the rec room, eventually leaving only them. Kara shifted in her seat and the muscles in her knee constricted with a twinge in pain. She slid her chair back from the table a bit, and turned it so that she was facing Lee. Then she, without thinking at all, lifted her right leg and slipped it onto Lee's lap. It was as good a resting place as any, or so she told herself.

She nearly jumped when Lee's one hand came up to rest on her leg, drawing lazy circles with his fingertips. He must _really_ be drunk.

**OoOoOoOoO**

As soon as Kara shoved her leg onto his lap, Lee's hand seemed to be magnetically attracted to it. She looked surprised when he began to let his fingers drift over the thinning material of her cargo pants, but she didn't say anything. Lee knew that it was completely out of line and entirely inappropriate, for more reasons than just one. Yet he couldn't seem to stop himself.

A few seconds later, Kara slid down further into her chair, pushing her leg so that more of it was on him. Lee watched, almost mesmerized as she swirled the remnants of her drink in her glass, the liquid sloshing up the sides, but not quite spilling.

Something was niggling at the back of his mind, something that he wanted to tell Kara, but had decided it was better not to. He couldn't put his finger on it, but the longer they sat there; the more the urge grew to figure out what it was, so that he could tell her. He concluded that his drunken state was responsible for this urge. But then, wouldn't Kara be responsible? Seeing as she was the one to get him drunk in the first place? He tried to figure it out, but all the thinking was hurting his head, so he just gave up on it.

It was quiet, and as comfortable as he was just sitting there with Kara, he felt the need to say something. Maybe she had been thinking along the same lines.

"What do you miss?" she asked quietly, looking up at him with drowsy eyes.

"Huh?"

"From before," she said. He suddenly realized what she meant: from before the end of life as they had known it.

Lee shrugged his shoulders. He missed a lot of things, and it was hard to pinpoint one, especially now. "I don't know," he said, honestly unable to come up with a better answer. "Why?" he added. "What do you miss?"

Kara appeared to think about it for a while, but when the words came out just a little too quickly, he knew that she had known her answer all along.

"Painting."

He could feel one eyebrow rising up in question, a completely involuntary motion. "Painting?" He hadn't meant to sound skeptical, but it came out that way. "I didn't know you painted."

She nodded her head as she continued to swirl her drink.

"Yeah," she said quietly, a small smile gracing her face. "You should have seen my apartment. I would have taken you there."

Lee watched as the look on her face changed completely at the same time her whole body seemed to tense. He could tell that she hadn't meant to say the last part. He let it slide, knowing that it was much safer that way.

Then Kara began to list other stuff that she missed, the first two items being real booze and stogies. As her list grew longer and longer, Lee's attention wandered. Why didn't he miss anything? Surely there should be something that he missed from before. He thought about it, ignoring the pain that concentrating caused, but instead his mind began to travel down a completely different set of paths.

"I don't miss anything," he said, interrupting Kara's list at shampoo. "But there's a lot of stuff that I regret." He couldn't believe how bitter his voice sounded, even to his own ears.

"Like what?" Kara asked tentatively, keeping her voice quiet.

"Too much," he whispered, not even sure if his voice had been audible.

He reached across the table for the near empty bottle of rotgut, and then raised it to his lips, taking a long drink. He'd started this; he might as well finish it.

"Breaking up with Gianne."

Kara's hand paused mid-swirl. "I didn't know you had a girlfriend." Her voice sounded weird, like she was straining to keep it steady.

Lee nodded his head. "Yeah."

"Why'd you break up with her?" Kara asked after a few seconds, her voice seeming quieter than before.

Lee gulped. Did he really want to tell Kara this? Then again, she'd seen him at his absolute worst already.

"She was pregnant," he said, dropping his eyes downward. But that didn't really work well for avoiding Kara, seeing as her leg was still resting firmly on his lap. When he didn't hear Kara respond in any way, he kept talking, feeling the need to explain himself.

"I was scared," he said, surprised that he had done so. That was the first time he'd ever admitted it, even to himself. "I didn't know if I was ready to be a father." She still hadn't said anything. "If I could change that, I would."

Eventually, when the silence became too much to bear, he looked up. He was scared at what he would see in Kara's eyes, but he was unable to stop his own actions.

Whatever he had been expecting to see, the look on her face wasn't it. She looked… sympathetic? No, there was no way that was right. How could she sympathize with him over that, over what he'd done?

"We've all made mistakes," she said with a haunted look in her eyes. It seemed like she was lost in a memory.

A few seconds later, her whole demeanor changed as she snapped out of it. "At least you regret it," she said. "It'd be worse if you didn't."

He nodded. "It's only one thing on a very long list," he said, the bitterness creeping back into his voice again.

"What else do you regret?" Kara prompted, even though it was very unlike her to do so.

The thought that had been bugging him, the thing that he had pushed to the back of his mind, it came flooding back to the surface. The next thing he knew the words were falling out of his mouth and he wouldn't have been able to stop them if he tried.

"It was cold," he said, averting his eyes from Kara automatically. "It was so cold." He nearly shuddered as he remembered the icy feeling sinking into his bones.

"Everything was just so hopeless," he said, his voice turning completely sullen. "I mean… now that I know… about Cain, I understand why they did it, or were going to do it, but then… when it was happening, I just didn't want to fight anymore." He paused to take a deep breath.

"I let go of the hole in my flight suit."

**OoOoOoOoO**

Kara swore that her heart stopped beating upon hearing Lee's confession.

Previously he had told her that he didn't want to make it back alive. He never said anything about letting go of the hole in his flight suit… taking action to end his life! The true depth of his situation finally clicked into place and she didn't know what to do.

It was obvious that _that_ was what had been eating away at Lee for the past few weeks. She knew better than most people how cancerous something like that could be when you kept it bottled up. She knew very well.

"I know what it's like," she said eventually. At her words, Lee lifted his head to look at her again. "Not wanting to live."

A worried look descended upon his face and if she wasn't so caught up in the conversation, she might have thought it was cute, especially with the way it made his forehead wrinkle.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, seemingly forgetting about all of his own problems for a moment.

"It was a long time ago, Lee," she said quietly.

"When Zak died?" he asked tentatively.

She shook her head. "Before that."

Lee nodded, obviously waiting for her to continue. He had spilled his guts, and she supposed that made it her turn to do the same.

"I was in the amateur pyramid league, and I was good… really good. I got drafted for the pros midway through the season. Our team made it to the finals in the playoffs and … in the last five minutes, one of the players from the other team fouled."

Kara paused to take a deep breath. She really didn't like to think about the next part. "He body checked me into one of the goals, hard. I landed at a weird angle, and the next thing I knew … my kneecap wasn't where it was supposed to be." Her last words came out a bit choked, her throat having tightened up near the end.

"Pyramid was my life," she said, looking straight at Lee. "There was nothing else left for a frak-up like me." Lee opened his mouth to cut her off, but she didn't let him. "I wanted to die," she said, the words coming out easier than she had expected them to.

"Kara," Lee began quietly. "Did you…"

"Try to kill myself?" she asked her voice taking on a caustic tone. "Yeah." She wasn't going to tell him where, or how, but she had told him.

He squeezed her leg lightly, whether out of encouragement, or if it was a completely unconscious move, she couldn't tell.

"You just… as stupid as this sounds… you need to find a reason to go on." It did sound cheesy, but it was true. Everyone needed a reason to live.

Lee was looking at her… not oddly, just questioningly. "What was yours?"

Kara smiled. "Flying."

**OoOoOoOoO**

Lee tried to return her smile, but he could only achieve a small lifting of the corners of his mouth. For the most part, his mind was still stuck on a previous part of their conversation. She had tried to kill herself.

He really didn't know how to take that. He knew that Kara had been through more than anyone should have to in their life, but he never thought that … He held back a shudder. He realized what it felt like now, when someone close to you told you that they wanted to die. No wonder Kara had been so frakking worried about him.

"Do you… uh, do you want to talk about it?" Lee asked, having no idea how she would react to that. Kara wasn't one to talk normally, but maybe about something this important…

Kara shook her head slightly. "No," she said. She wasn't mad or upset, instead oddly calm and almost detached. "It was a long time ago," she said before pausing for a few seconds. "Besides, hashing through it once is enough."

Her words almost managed to catch him off guard. She'd already talked about it?

"Zak?" he asked, although he was almost certain that his guess was right. Kara wasn't close with that many people, and hadn't been for most of her life.

Lee watched as Kara nodded her head once, the movement barely detectable. "Yeah," she said sadly, the haunted look returning to her eyes. The feeling of the moment was broken when she raised her glass to her lips and tilted her head back, finally finishing off her drink.

"You miss him don't you?" Lee asked, even though it was the dumbest question he could have asked.

"Of course I do," Kara said, her look turning harsh. "I loved him Lee. I can't just forget about him."

"That came out wrong," Lee added hastily. "You still think about him though, right?"

"Yeah," Kara said, her gaze returning back to normal along with her voice. For a few minutes she just stared at the empty glass in her hand. Eventually she asked, "Do you?" Her voice was more hesitant than he had ever heard it.

It took Lee's muddled mind a brief second to remember what they had been talking about, but when he did he nodded. "Yes," he admitted quietly. "Things remind me of him sometimes."

Kara gave him a small smile. "Yeah," she said quietly, only half looking up at him. "Me too."

"It wasn't your fault," Lee said, clearly reading the guilt behind her eyes for what it was. "He would have passed anyway."

"Yeah right," she said sarcastically.

Lee sat up a little straighter, trying to figure out why the hell Kara had just said that. She had to know the truth, the way the Colonial Academy worked behind the scenes… didn't she? He must have told her at some point, but by the way she was acting… he hadn't.

"It wasn't," Lee repeated, his words becoming more forceful to try and get his point across.

"How can you say that?" she asked suddenly, her face becoming distorted with a myriad of emotions, self-digust and anger among them. "I passed him when I should have failed him. I signed his frakking death warrant!"

Lee felt his chest get tight as he listened to Kara. Gods, it wasn't her …

"Don't say that it wasn't my fault."

**OoOoOoOoO**

She was responsible for Zak's death in every way possible. She knew that; she'd lived with the guilt for nearly three years and would keep living with it for the rest of her life. Lee had no right to try and lessen her penance.

"It wasn't," Lee said, traces of anger seeping into his voice. Great, like they needed a drunken fight.

She opened her mouth, intending to tell him to go to hell, but he held up one hand and started to talk, effectively stopping her.

"Just listen," he demanded, reverting to his CAG voice. "Even if you had failed Zak, he would have been in that viper, and he would have crashed."

Kara started to talk again, planning on making some comment about how being drunk obviously affected Lee's logic more than she would have ever expected it to.

"No Kara, hear me out. If you'd failed Zak, they would have simply retested him privately, and then passed him. I've seen it done a half a dozen times with the children of high profile Fleet members. The son or daughter fails their flight test, or almost fails, and they'll retest them again later. The second time with no witnesses so they can up the scores and say it was because there was 'less stress'."

"No," Kara said, her voice sounding too shaky for her liking. "I passed him. I put him in that viper. I _killed_ him."

"No you didn't Kara," Lee responded quietly. "It was probably better that it happened the way it did. At least then he was passed because someone loved him, and not because of who his dad was."

Her head was beginning to spin. Why was he doing this? Turning everything upside down by telling her?

"Why are you telling me this," she said meeting his gaze full on. "Why now?"

"I thought you knew," he replied quietly, squeezing her leg again lightly. "I thought that might have been the reason you passed him in the first place, because you knew that he would pass no matter what."

"So for years I've been blaming myself for something that I didn't cause?" It took all of her effort to keep her voice from cracking.

"I'm sorry Kara. I thought that you knew, or else I would have told you sooner."

She still couldn't wrap her head around the idea that it wasn't her fault. There was no way that she should have passed Zak to begin with, but his death wasn't entirely her fault. If she had failed him… not only would it have broken his heart, but it wouldn't have even saved his life.

"Kara?" Lee asked, keeping his voice quiet. "You okay?"

What the hell was she supposed to say to that?

"I don't know," she said, looking down to where her fingers were playing with a stray thread on her pants. It was true, she honestly didn't know. Should she feel happy that she had someone, or something else to blame for Zak's death? She supposed it meant that she could let go of some of the guilt, but it would change hardly anything. He'd still be dead; she'd still miss him…

"I just… need to, um, let it sink in."

"Okay," Lee whispered.

She nearly jumped when his hand began to trace invisible lines on her leg again. She could feel goose bumps rising on her skin, despite the fact that there was material separating his fingers from her shin. It should have felt wrong… only it didn't.

**OoOoOoOoO**

Lee watched, very worried as Kara began to stare off into space. He didn't regret telling her – she'd needed to know – but he wished it had been easier on her. She really had loved Zak and he'd just shifted the foundation of her complete understanding and acceptance of what had happened to him.

A few minutes went by in complete and utter silence before she said something.

"That's why you blamed your Dad." She turned her head to look at him again.

Lee nodded. "Partially."

"It wasn't his fault either."

"Not really," Lee replied. "It's not like he would have called and ordered them to pass Zak or something ridiculous like that."

Kara continued to look at him, clearly awaiting a further explanation.

"But I wasn't only blaming him because the system is frakked, I was blaming him because all of the pressure he put on us as kids too. 'A man isn't a man until he wears the wings of viper pilot'," he said, mimicking his dad's voice much like he had done when he'd come aboard Galactica before the attack.

"He said that?" Kara asked, looking at him incredulously.

"Yeah he did. But I don't think he really realized what he was doing, as stupid as that sounds." Lee paused for a moment. "Or maybe I just convinced myself of that so that I could forgive him."

"You wanted to forgive him," Kara stated. "Your dad's a good man, Lee."

He gave her a small smile. "I know."

This time it was Lee who got lost in his thoughts; remembering why he'd despised his father after Zak's death, all of the things he'd said to him after the funeral, then slowly forgiving him later, piece by piece as he made his father work for the forgiveness.

His brother's death was something that had haunted him for a long time. But he had finally managed to let go of that after the end of the worlds. The end of the worlds… gods he was glad that Zak didn't have to experience that, it was the only good thing about his death. It had spared him from this.

"What?" Kara asked, suddenly breaking his reverie.

"Huh?"

"You said something. Something about 'it spared him'."

Lee was taken aback; he hadn't realized that he'd spoken out loud. "Zak," he said quietly after a moment's hesitation. "Sometimes I can't help but be thankful that he was spared this, witnessing the near annihilation of the human race, and then having to live a life of survival."

"He wasn't naïve or innocent Lee," Kara said, getting defensive once again. "He could have handled it."

"I know that," Lee said quickly. "I just remember how happy he was all of the time. This would have changed him."

Kara nodded her head in reluctant agreement. "Yeah, but _this_ has changed everyone."

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Finding Purpose 8**

Kara woke up to the sound of Lee swearing under his breath as he stumbled down the ladder from her bunk. She grinned wryly—he didn't do hangovers well.

As she listened to him fumble around in his locker, she moved her leg to straighten it. Her knee protested with a sharp pang and she bit back a groan. Rolling onto her back, she shifted her position and alleviated some of the pain—not much, but it seemed to be enough.

A devilish grin ghosted across her face as she realized that having moved, she could now see out through the gap between the curtain and the edge of the bunk. She watched silently as Lee rummaged through his locker some more before stripping out of his boxers and stepping in to a new pair.

It was a guilty pleasure that Kara had. She wrote it off as having reached the end of the worlds and only having so many men left to admire. She was a woman after all, and since she wasn't getting any she might as well look her share, even if that meant staring at her best friend's ass, his very nice ass…

She closed her eyes and forced her thoughts back onto a slightly more appropriate path. She would let herself look, but nothing else. It really wasn't the smartest pact she had ever made with herself; it tested her willpower way too much. But going any further than looking would be a disaster. Not only would it ruin their friendship—she cringed as she remembered how Colonial Day had ended—but it would also mean betraying the only person who had ever truly loved her.

Her thoughts drifted back to the conversation that she'd had with Lee only hours before. What he'd told her still hadn't sunk it. How was she just supposed to find out the truth and then be completely okay with it? For years she had blamed herself. Hell, she had _known_ that it was her fault. But wasn't it still, at least partially? It was wrong to pass Zak, period. Whether or not he would have been retested didn't mean anything.

Kara's head began to pound and she had to bite her tongue to stop from screaming in frustration as a million different 'what ifs' ran through her mind. The man that she'd loved had died, and she had played a part in his death—that much would never change.

A single tear escaped from her eye and rolled down her cheek. She brushed it away angrily. It was confusing, too confusing. Gods, thinking about it in a semi-hungover state probably wasn't making it any better. Eventually she'd come to terms with it, and that would have to be enough.

**OoOoOoOoO**

Lee did his best to ignore the pounding in his head as he changed into his flight suit, but he was doing a crappy job of it. He rarely drank as much as he had the night before, and now he remembered why. Even the slightest movements made it feel like someone was drilling in to the base of his skull at an excruciatingly slow rate, forcing him to feel every increment of pressure.

Unable to take it any longer, Lee bent over and began to search through the contents at the bottom of his locker. He was hoping that by some miracle he'd still have a bottle of painkillers left somewhere, even though he was almost certain that he'd used them up nearly two weeks ago, after his first workout since the resurrection ship had been destroyed. That had hurt, but not nearly as much as this.

He felt the sudden urge to blame Kara, but he knew it was just his tired and hungover body talking. It wasn't really her fault; it wasn't like he couldn't have stopped her from refilling his glass at any time. Come to think of that, why hadn't he? Lee let out a quiet groan—because it was Kara, that's why. He could rarely, if ever, say no to her, even when she wasn't asking explicitly.

"Damn it!" Lee said, forgetting the need to be quiet. There was nothing at the bottom of his locker except a spare pair of boots and some stuff that had fallen off the shelf.

"Shut up," he heard Kara growl from his right. "Some people are trying to sleep."

He nearly laughed as he realized that he wasn't the only cranky person in the room.

"Morning sunshine," he said sarcastically.

She pulled back the bunk curtain half way so that she could glare at him properly. "Do you have to be so loud?" she asked, a downright peeved look plastered on her face.

Lee shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care," he said, his voice dropping a level despite his words. "Besides, I'm pretty sure it's revenge anyway."

"Revenge for what?" Kara asked, looking thoroughly pissed now.

"For this," he said, pointing at his head. "For the hangover from hell."

She smirked at him, an action he met with a half mocking glare. Or at least he tried to, but that turned into a grimace of pain when maintaining the glare hurt too much. He thought he saw a sympathetic look pass over Kara's face, though he might have been mistaken because by the time the thought had crossed his mind the look was gone.

Lee brought one hand up to massage at his temple, squinting his eyes shut as he did so. When he opened them again, all he saw was a small white thing coming straight for his face. He reacted automatically, moving his head to the side and bringing his hand up to catch whatever it was.

Turning it over in his hand he saw that it was a bottle of pills, painkillers to be specific, very strong painkillers. His gazed shifted to Kara who was still lying in his bunk.

"Here," he said quietly, making to throw them back at her.

"No," she said, looking up at him. "Take one."

He shook his head. "I can't," he said quietly. "Kara, they're for your knee."

This time it was Kara who shrugged. "So."

"So…" Lee said, drawing out his word to get his point across. "So, I can't take them."

"Why not?" Kara asked in an agitated voice, pushing herself up into a sitting position. "They're painkillers Lee, they kill pain. Knee pain, headache pain, hangover pain… any pain."

He winced involuntarily as Kara's voice got louder. "No," he said sternly. "I'm not taking any."

"Well why the hell not?" Kara questioned. "When I run out I can go get more from Cottle. You can't."

She did have a point…

"Plus CAP will be a bitch," she stated.

Okay, she had two points.

He looked down at the container in his hands, turning it over a few times as he thought about it. He really shouldn't…

"Lee, take the gods damned pill before I shove it down your throat!"

His eyebrows rose automatically as he turned to look at her, an amused smile on his face. Only Kara could be sitting in his bunk, hair still tousled from sleep while she threatened him and fixed him with a glare like there was no tomorrow.

"Fine," he said, trying his best to withhold a smirk, avoiding dwelling on the images that thinking of Kara in his bunk brought to mind. He took one pill and promptly swallowed it before tossing the container back at Kara, narrowly missing her head.

She picked it up from where it had landed on the mattress. She pulled out one pill for herself before setting the container back on the shelf beside her. Lee watched as she painfully swallowed the pill without water. He wasn't sure how she hadn't managed to master that yet, especially given how many times she'd landed herself in a situation that required her to take some sort of medication.

"What?" she asked angrily as she realized that he was staring at her.

Lee held back a chuckle. "Nothing," he said, faking sincerity as he began to buckle up his flight suit.

She rolled her eyes at him and he had to fight back another laugh. Who the hell knew that fighting with your best friend could be so much fun? But then, they weren't _really_ fighting, though they'd been known to do that too.

"What are you smiling at?" Kara asked as she levered herself out of bed. Lee couldn't help but think that it looked painful, and another wave of guilt washed over him.

"Lee?"

"Sorry," he said, breaking out of his thoughts. "Just thinking."

She gave him a wary look, but didn't question him on it, and for that he was grateful. He reached into his locker and pulled out his gloves from the top shelf.

"What do you want me to do today?" she asked suddenly, opening up her locker and pulling out a fresh pair of tanks.

Lee shrugged. "I don't know. You did the flight schedules yesterday right?" he asked.

Kara nodded.

"I guess you can start working on the maintenance reports for Tigh," Lee said. It was technically his job, but since she was grounded the Old Man had delegated some extra duties to Kara, including taking care of some of Lee's paperwork, deeming that it was too much for him alone. There were a lot of extra CAPs he now had to organize so that they could recover the tyllium they needed.

"'Kay," Kara said through a yawn. "Then the chief needs to see me about something."

Lee closed his locker door and turned to look at Kara. "About what?"

Kara shrugged. "I don't know, he mentioned it last night."

Lee tried to remember back, but honestly couldn't recall the Chief saying anything of the sort. Actually, now that he thought about it, there were more than a few parts that were blurry and hard to recollect.

"You'd better go," Kara said, turning to look at him.

"Huh?" he asked, his mind still not fully functioning.

She hobbled over to him and grabbed his wrist, bringing it up in front of his face. It took a few moments for his brain to ignore the feeling that touching Kara brought, but when he did he glanced at his watch.

"Shit," he swore as he darted across the room for the hatch. He could hear Kara laughing at him as he exited the bunkroom at almost full speed—he had about three minutes to make it down to the hanger bay.

**OoOoOoOoO**

Lee entered into the pilot's head a few hours later, desperately wanting a shower. He liked flying, but he hated the way he felt when he came off a rotation—too warm and sweaty, enough so that the rubber-like material of his flight suit seemed to suction onto any inch of bare skin that it could find.

Thankfully CAP had been completely uneventful. He wasn't sure if he could have handled anything other than a basic rotation in his condition. The painkillers that Kara had given him had helped, but his head was still throbbing.

However, with the exception of his physical condition, he felt good, and that in itself was odd. He couldn't remember the last time that he had felt completely okay, and he knew he had Kara to thank for that.

Lee sighed as he stripped out of his flight gear and headed for the nearest empty shower stall. He didn't know what he'd do without her. She'd been there for him when no one else had, and he'd told her things that he thought were secrets he would carry with him to his grave. He really didn't deserve Kara, but he was glad that he had her as a friend. She meant a hell of a lot to him, more than he would ever let himself admit.

He turned the water on and stepped under the spray, quickly working to wash away the grime before he was due for a shift in CIC. It was quite possibly the shortest shower that he'd ever taken, with maybe the exception of the first few days after the cylon attacks. He wished that he had time for a longer one, but he still needed to grab something to eat and make it down to CIC before the shift change.

Somehow he did manage to accomplish all that, and entered into CIC only minutes before he was supposed to relieve the Admiral. He wasn't surprised to see his father standing next to the dradis console, but he was surprised to see the president standing next to him.

"Captain Apollo," she said brightly as she spotted him.

"Madam President," he responded automatically, taking the time to salute his father before moving to stand beside her. "What brings you to Galactica?" he asked, hoping that he wasn't supposed to know the answer to that already.

She smiled softly at him. "The admiral and I were just going to go over some of the information from the latest raptor recon missions."

Lee nodded his head; of course she would be involved in that. They had recently started scouting all of the nearby systems, determining which ones, if any, had valuable resources that they might be able to use. For the first time they had the luxury of doing this, seeing as the cylons weren't showing up practically every other day. It relieved a lot of pressure from the fleet.

"Have you decided where we're going to jump next?" Lee asked, briefly glanced down at the scattered reports on the console.

It was his father who answered. "No. We're waiting for Racetrack and Beehive to return, then we'll have all of the information."

Lee nodded. "Didn't they just jump a few minutes ago?" he asked, looking up at the wall clock. He was sure that was what had been on the schedule.

Adama nodded. "Yes. But the president and I have other things to discuss."

Lee nodded.

"We'll be in the conference room. When Racetrack jumps back tell her to meet us there with whatever information she has."

"Yes, sir," Lee said briskly, responding automatically to the Admiral's authoritative tone.

"You have the deck."

Lee nodded again; stepping aside for the president to collect the remaining reports she'd been looking at. Just as she gathered them all up in her arms, Lee caught a small flash of something appearing on the dradis screen above him. Looking up he saw that it had a colonial signal. What the frak?

"It's Racetrack sir," the petty officer on duty said, though which 'sir' she was referring to, Lee didn't know. He could only assume that it was his father.

"She shouldn't be back yet. Something happened," Adama said, sharing a concerned look with his son.

Lee felt his heart rate increase as the adrenaline kicked in. Something was going on, he could _feel_ it.

"Patch her through over the speakers," his father ordered, moving back to the dradis console and taking up his 'commanding' stance.

Lee listened carefully, trying to make out Racetrack's frantic words over the connection.

"_Galactica, Racetrack. We found a frakking cylon fleet."_

The tension in all of CIC suddenly increased with her words.

"_I don't think they saw us, but we got a pretty good look at them. There are two base stars and another ship. I don't know what the third thing is, but I've never seen anything like it before."_

"Another resurrection ship?" the president asked, her voice tense with worry.

"No," Lee responded quietly. "I don't think so."

"_It isn't very big… I just, I don't know. I think we might have got a few recon photos though. I can't be sure, we jumped out of there as soon as we could."_

Lee watched as his father picked up phone from underneath the planning table, effectively breaking off the direct connection from the raptor to the speakers.

"You did the right thing Lieutenant," he said reassuringly. "I need you to land and bring your surveillance package to the tactical room _immediately._"

**OoOoOoOoO**

Less than ten minutes later Lee found himself waiting in the tactical room along with the president, Colonel Tigh, his father and a technician. So much for his shift in CIC—Gaeta was taking it now.

Lee stood at attention near the central table, silently wishing that Racetrack would hurry up. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind than the hatch opened and Lt. Edmonson walked in.

"Sirs," she said, saluting in their general direction.

She walked over and handed the surveillance camera to the technician and he got to work, attaching it to the projector to see if they had indeed managed to capture any shots of the ship.

It wasn't long before a blurry picture showed up on the screen. You could tell that it was a ship, but that was about it. Then the technician must have done something to resolve the picture, because it suddenly came into focus.

Lee could practically feel the blood rush from his face, not so much out of fear, but because it forced him to remember a day he would rather forget.

"Lee," his father said, his voice full of concern. It was enough to bring him back to the present.

"Sorry sir," he said quietly, but he didn't remove his gaze from the picture. He couldn't recall that whole block of time very well, but he was fairly certain that was what he thought it was.

"What is it?" the president asked gravely. Lee could feel her walking to stand beside him, giving her a better view of the screen.

"Captain," the admiral said, his voice utterly commanding. "Do you recognize this ship?"

"I…" He thought he did, but he couldn't be sure, and this wasn't a time for maybes. "Get Captain Thrace down here right now," he ordered, his voice taking on a hard edge as he looked over at the technician.

The man nodded his head and placed the page over the intercom. Lee didn't know for sure, but he knew that Kara would.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Kara was just returning from her meeting with Tyrol when the page came over the intercom. All thoughts of raptor repairs immediately flew from her mind as she headed towards the tactical room, thankful that it wasn't all that far. As she made her way through the crowds of people that accompanied a shift change, she tried to think of any good reason for the page. Unless they had been planning a mission without her knowledge, she couldn't come up with anything.

When she pulled open the hatch she was a little surprised to see both the President and the Admiral, but she covered her reaction swiftly.

"Sir," she said, briefly saluting Adama. "Madam President," she added, acknowledging the older woman.

Looking past the two leaders of the fleet she caught sight of the other people in the room: Tigh, some technician, Lee and… Racetrack? What the frak? Kara could have sworn that she was supposed to be on some scouting mission or something. She must have landed when she and Tyrol were looking at the downed raptors on the far side of the hanger bay.

Before she had a chance to ask what was going on, the Old Man started talking. "Lee seems to think you can help us," he stated bluntly.

Her gaze instantly turned to where Lee was standing by the central table in the room.

"Recognize this?" he asked, even though she could tell by the tone of his voice that he was fairly confident she would.

Without delay she turned at looked in the direction that Lee was pointing. She wasn't sure how she had missed it when she first walked in, but right there on the viewing screen was a large recon photo of a cylon ship. She moved toward Lee and the photo, a purely unconscious decision that allowed her to get a better look. A sudden sense of recognition hit her as she realized that it wasn't just any cylon ship, she'd seen it before.

"Would someone please tell me what that ship is?" the President asked, clearly frustrated at having to wait for her answer.

Kara glanced at her briefly, before turning to look at Lee. "You think I know?" she asked incredulously. "I've seen it before, but that doesn't mean I know what it is."

"Alright," Tigh said, finally speaking up. "Let's cut through all this crap. When the hell did you two ever encounter this ship?"

Kara had to grit her teeth to stop from making a remark that would land her in the brig. Luckily Lee saved her from having to respond.

"We saw two of them the last time we engaged the cylons," Lee explained.

Kara almost cringed as she remembered what else had occurred the last time they'd encountered the cylons—no wonder Lee had wanted a second opinion on this. She was surprised that he even remembered the ships in the first place, considering he'd frozen up that day.

"That was nearly three weeks ago," the President stated.

"That doesn't matter," Adama said, interrupting. He turned to look at Roslin. "I'm sorry Madam President, but what we need to know is what these ships are for, and why there's only one left now."

Kara only half listened to the conversation that followed, instead focusing most of her attention on the picture in front of her.

"Can you resolve that more?" she quietly asked the technician a second later.

"No," he replied, shaking his head slightly.

She thought that she might be seeing something on the starboard side of the ship, but the picture was too blurry to be sure.

"Are there any other shots?" she asked. "Different angles maybe?"

"I can check for you Captain," he responded, setting off to do just that.

Lee made his way over to stand beside her. Tilting his head towards her, he asked, "What do you see?"

She shrugged her shoulders slightly. "Maybe nothing," she replied as she folded her arms in front of her. Her voice sounded loud to her ears and it took her a second to realize it was because everyone else had stopped talking—they were looking at her and waiting.

Kara watched the screen closely as the technician cycled through the various pictures—she was watching for something very specific.

"Stop," she said suddenly, as a picture taken from the right angle popped up on the screen. "Zoom in on the bottom left and focus it as much as you can."

A few seconds later, the area that she'd been looking at was centered on the screen. She nearly shuddered; there was something distinctly creepy about her guess being right. That was definitely…

"A window?" Racetrack asked, breaking the silence. "Sorry sirs," she added, obviously apologizing for her outburst. "But what the hell do the cylons need windows for?"

"Or who," Kara muttered under her breath.

* * *

Lee heard Kara say something, but despite how close they were standing he still couldn't make out what it was. Though he was curious, it probably didn't matter, and he focused his attention back on the picture of the cylon vessel.

"Wait," he said quickly, his eyes widening as he noticed something else. Unfortunately he couldn't quite make it out. It could be important, or it might be nothing, but it was better to know for sure. "Zoom back out and focus in on the back of the ship."

"Yes Sir," the technician replied automatically.

"Lee, what do you see?" his dad asked, his voice remaining quiet.

"Scorch marks I think," he replied a few seconds later.

Before anyone could ask him what the hell he was talking about, the picture came up on the screen.

"Here," he said, walking forward so that he could point it out on the screen. Circling his finger around the area he added, "We made an attack run on one of the ships. It must have been this one."

"So?" Tigh asked gruffly. "It doesn't matter whether or not we made an attack run on this ship. What matters is what the hell it's doing out there." He let out an angry sigh as he moved a bit closer and focused on the picture more intently. "It's probably planning an attack on _us_."

"Well," Kara said in a would-be-innocent voice. "I'm not sure how it's going to manage that. You know, without any guns or weapons."

"Kara's right," Lee said before Tigh could match Kara's scathing remark with one of his own. "There aren't any weapons."

"Well if it isn't a resurrection ship and it isn't going to attack us, what _is_ it? And _what_ is it doing out here?" Laura asked, getting frustrated. She obviously wanted some answers, and she wanted them now.

When she turned to look specifically at him, Lee could only shake his head. "I don't know Madam President."

"None of us know," Kara stated bluntly.

She had a point; they were all just standing around and speculating, none of them knew a thing about this ship, whatever it was.

"Then I guess we should ask someone who might," the Admiral said. Everyone else in the room turned to face him as he continued. "These pictures need to be taken to our _illustrious _cylon expert." He paused for a second and glanced sheepishly at Laura. "Sorry Madam President."

If Lee didn't know any better he would have thought she was holding back a laugh. "That's quite alright Admiral."

"I'll do it," Lee said, the words leaving his mouth before he could even think about it. The looks on the faces of the other people in the room confirmed that everyone else was just as shocked by it as he was. His … _dislike_ for the Vice-President was something that was well known.

But he did have a reason for volunteering. If he didn't, then it was more than likely that the responsibility would get delegated to Kara, and he couldn't stand the thought of her being alone with that slimy bastard.

"Fine," Adama said, turning to look at Kara. "Captain, I need you to take another copy of these down to the brig and show them to our prisoner. See if you can't get her to divulge anything."

"Yes Sir."

"And bring Helo with you," he added.

Kara nodded and made her way over to the technician who had printed off copies of the pictures. On her way back to the door, she took half of the printed pages and held them out toward Lee. As he took them from her she gave him a small smile that looked more grateful than anything else.

He returned it without hesitation and followed her out the door. It was time to get to work.

Kara entered into the brig with Karl at her side, refusing his offer of help to step through the hatch. She might be in excruciating pain, but that didn't mean that she needed help.

"Let's go see if your girlfriend knows anything," she said to him quietly as they made their way over to the special holding cell.

"You don't have to resent her so much you know," Helo said. "All she's ever done is help us."

Kara had to stop herself from rolling her eyes at his comment. "She's a _cylon_ Helo," she said, tired of going over this with him. "I feel how I feel about her, okay?"

"She's a person," Helo replied, even though it was more out of habit than because he thought he might convince her. They had this discussion at least once a week. Kara didn't think any less of Helo for falling in love with a cylon, but that didn't mean that she had to like the idea, or Sharon.

They made their way over to the guard on duty.

"Open up the cell," Kara ordered.

The marine looked at her questioningly. "Sir?"

"I said open up the cell, Corporal," Kara repeated. "I'm here on Admiral Adama's orders."

"Of course," he replied as he followed her command and opened up the door to the cell.

Kara stepped through with Helo following close behind her. She motioned at the marine to shut the door. He retook his vigilant stance just outside, ready to aid them if need be.

"Helo?" Sharon asked, sounding shocked as she got up off the bed in the center of the room and made her way towards them.

"Hey," he said quietly, briefly embracing her once she made it to them. "Listen," he said after releasing her. "We need some help with something."

"With what?" she asked, her tone becoming slightly guarded as she looked back and forth between them.

Kara held out the stack of papers to Sharon. "With these," she said, using no more words than were necessary.

"We need to know what they are," Karl explained. "The last time we encountered the cylons there were two of these ships with three basestars. Racetrack just found this one on a scouting mission accompanied by two basestars, and because of the scorch marks the CAG thinks it's one of the ones from before."

Sharon's eyebrows knit together as she shuffled through the various pictures, taking more time on the better quality ones. "I've never seen a ship like this before."

"Of course you haven't," Kara muttered as she fought the urge to roll her eyes.

"I'm serious Starbuck," she replied angrily. "Why don't you believe me?"

"Gee, I don't know," Kara responded sarcastically, her tone acidic.

"Hey!" Helo said indignantly, instinctively stepping halfway between the two of them. "If she says she hasn't seen one, then she hasn't seen one."

"Whatever," Kara said quietly. "If you can't tell us anything about this ship, then we're out of here." She turned to look at Karl. "Let's go."

"I didn't say that I couldn't tell you anything, I just said I'd never seen this ship before."

"What are you talking about?" Kara asked cautiously. She moved half a step to the side so that she could see past Helo and look directly at Sharon.

"Maybe I've never seen this ship before," she said, pointing at the pictures still in her hands. "But I have seen cylon ships, and there's a lot of stuff I can tell you." She paused. "That's if you're willing to listen."

Okay, maybe she had jumped the gun a bit… but she'd never admit that here. "Start talking," Kara commanded. Sharon didn't seem the least bit taken aback by her blunt nature and for that Kara almost wanted to give her credit.

"This is a transport ship for prisoners," she stated matter-of-factly.

"Wait," Karl said as he placed his hand on her forearm. "How do you know that?"

"There's only one thing that cylon basestars weren't designed for, and that's the transport of prisoners. They have to use separate transport ships instead."

"But it's small," Karl replied.

Sharon nodded. "It probably only holds six or so prisoners, plus whatever human models and centurions they need to have on board to monitor them."

Kara tried to digest the information that she was being faced with—it wasn't working so well. "How do you know that it's not being used for something else?"

Sharon let out a frustrated sigh. "Listen," she said. "All the ships I've ever seen were the ones you have: basestars, raiders, heavy raiders and a resurrection ship. As far as I knew, other than that, the cylons hadn't made any more ships. But they had been talking about designing new ones for prisoner transport. So unless they've come up with some other ship for an entirely different purpose, this is a transport ship." She emphasized her last words by pointing at the picture.

It made sense. "Fine," Kara assented. "Now tell me what the hell it's doing out here, in a system that doesn't even have any resources."

Sharon shrugged. "I don't know for sure, but my guess is that it's headed to Caprica."

"It's going to Caprica?" Helo questioned. "Then where's it coming from?"

"The cylon home world," Sharon answered without delay.

"What the hell's it going to do on Caprica?" Kara asked, racking her brain and coming up with nothing. All the people on Caprica were dead with the exception of the resistance, and they would die fighting, never letting themselves be taken prisoner.

She had to do her best to shove thoughts of the members of the resistance into the back of her mind—dwelling on it wouldn't help to change the President's mind about sending a rescue mission. But maybe someday…

Sharon shrugged her shoulders. "They could be transferring women from the farms back to the cylon home world, hoping to use the superior technology there to make their program successful."

Kara felt her entire body tense up at the mention of the farms. Her hands clenched at her sides and she had the sudden urge to strangle Sharon, not only for being a part of the _things_ that had done this, but also for calling it a 'program', like it was something trivial. They were raping human women in order to impregnate them, and then hooking them up to machines. That wasn't a 'program'—it was torture.

"So it's gone then," Kara said a few seconds later, fists still clenched and teeth gritted together tightly. "It stopped to power up its FTL drive again before moving on. If we were to send another raptor back there, they wouldn't find a thing."

Kara did a double take when Sharon shook her head. "I don't think so," she said as she began to flip through the pictures again, clearly looking for a specific one.

A few seconds later she held up the same picture that Lee had had the technician zoom in on, it was the one with the best evidence of the scorch marks.

"See that?" Sharon questioned, turning the paper so that both Kara and Karl could see. She was pointing at the scorch marks. "That's a cylon version of an FTL drive." She paused for a second, letting it sink in. "Or at least it was."

Kara looked at her suspiciously, silently prompting her to explain.

"Whatever the squadron did when they attacked this ship, they must have hit the FTL. It's possible that it wasn't completely destroyed originally. But one jump with an unstable drive and you're sure to destroy it completely."

Kara drew a deep breath and then let it out slowly before she began talking. "So you're telling me that after the last time we engaged the cylons, they jumped away, and that frakked up their FTL?"

Sharon nodded. "Simply put, yes."

Whatever Kara had been expecting to find out from her visit with the cylon, that definitely hadn't been it.

"But I should warn you," Sharon said. "If you're planning on doing an attack on this ship, or another recon mission there, you'd better do it soon."

"Why?" Kara asked warily, automatically tensing up at the warning.

"Because you said there were two ships, right?"

Kara nodded.

"That means that the other ship and the basestar probably headed to Caprica. Once the prisoners were secured on the planet, the basestar would have made its way back with another set of jump coils for the ship." She glanced between Kara and Helo before continuing. "It might take them a while to construct a new set, but it's been weeks since you damaged the ship. You can probably expect a basestar to be returning in the next couple of days."

* * *

Lee must have spent a good half hour searching for the Vice-President, only to finally find out that he was off ship on Cloud 9 and he was scheduled to return in the next ten minutes. Lee was currently on his way back to Baltar's lab, planning on waiting there for the illusive Vice-President.

Leaning against the hatch, he waited, checking his watch every few seconds and wishing that Baltar would just hurry up. He wanted to get this over and done with as soon as possible.

Lee was watching the corridor to his right so intently that he failed to notice the person approach him from his left. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whipped around to look at whoever it was.

"Sorry," Kara said, giving him a slight smile.

He smiled back. "It's okay." After a second he realized that she was holding a copy of the exact same papers he had in his hands—specifically the recon pictures. She must already been done with Sharon.

"Find out anything?" he asked hopefully.

She nodded her head and he felt relieved. At least they knew something now.

"It's a prisoner transport ship," she said, shifting her weight to relieve pressure from her knee. "Or at least that's what Sharon said."

Lee nodded, doing his best to not feel guilty about her actions. "Okay. Anything else?"

"Yeah," she replied, holding out one picture for him to look at. It was one that highlighted the scorch marks. "That _was_ their FTL drive."

Lee raised his eyebrows questioningly, but didn't say anything, letting Kara continue on with her explanation.

"They were headed to Caprica, probably to get some of the women from the farms," she added. Lee saw an almost frightened look cross her face as she mentioned the last part. She still hadn't told him what had happened to her on Caprica, but he could tell that it involved the farms, and it hadn't been good.

"Anyway," she continued. "It's stranded now, waiting for another basestar to come back with the supplies to repair it. Sharon thinks that it'll only be a couple more days, so if we're going to do something, we need to do it soon."

"Okay," Lee said slowly, allowing some time for the information to sink in. "Have you told the Admiral and the President yet?"

He was surprised when Kara shook her head. "No, not yet," she said. "I'm going right now, but I thought you might want to know what we found out before you…" She paused as she looked at the door to Baltar's lab. "You know," she finished implicitly.

Lee nodded. He knew.

"Thanks," he said sincerely. "You should probably go let my Dad know what's going on."

He was prompting her to leave, it was fairly obvious. It wasn't that he didn't want her around; it was that he didn't want her around Baltar. But he should be thankful, she seemed just as reluctant to be in the same room as the man as Lee was to let it happen.

"Right," she said as she turned and started walking back the way she'd came. "See you later."

He nodded—he would see her later. After he finished with Baltar there would no doubt be a tactical meeting that needed his attendance. It would be a long night.

Lee didn't have to wait much longer until he saw Baltar strolling around the corner of the hallway, coming from the direction of the hanger bay. He looked like he was deep in thought, and possibly talking to himself.

His head jerked up suddenly and he saw Lee. "Captain Adama," he said coolly as he made his way over to him. "To what do I owe this honor?"

Lee wanted to cringe at his tone. Maybe some people found him suave and charming, but to Lee he was just nauseating.

"The President and the Admiral need your help with something."

"They do, do they?" he asked rhetorically as he pulled out a package of cigarettes from his pocket. "And what would that be?"

"It's confidential," Lee replied through gritted teeth. He looked at the closed hatch. "Why don't we step inside?"

Baltar looked back and forth between him and the hatch a couple of times before replying. "Oh," he said. "Of course." He punched in the access code and swung open the hatch. "After you Captain."

Lee walked in and turned around to watch as Baltar followed closely behind him, lighting his cigarette as he stepped over the threshold. He inhaled deeply and then closed his eyes as he released the smoke from his lungs, a smile forming on his face. His did this two more times, and just before Lee was going to interrupt him, he opened his eyes and looked at him.

"So what exactly," he paused, taking another drag. "Is that it that you need my help with this time?"

Lee handed him the recon photos and began to explain, telling the doctor everything that they knew so far, including what Sharon had told Kara.

"Well," Baltar said immediately after Lee had finished his explanation. "Sharon's wrong about one thing."

"And what's that?" Lee asked suspiciously, feeling more inclined to trust a cylon than Baltar.

"Well," Baltar said as he began to gesture with his hands, tendrils of smoke from the cigarette making obscure patterns. "I should have to say that it's… well, it's quite obvious… uh, that…that the ship isn't going to get women from the farms."

"Really?" Lee asked, his tone half way to sarcastic.

"Yes, really," the Vice-President replied. "The cylons are starting anew on the colonies, and there would be no reason for them to relocate the farms to, uh, anywhere else."

"So if they aren't taking prisoners _from_ Caprica, what are they doing?"

Baltar let out a frustrated sigh. "I should think it's rather obvious," he said, looking at Lee as if he was some stupid child. "They're moving prisoners _to_ Caprica."

What the hell? "They're moving prisoners _to_ Caprica," Lee repeated, finding it extremely odd that Baltar knew this. "From where?"

"Well, from the cylon home world of course."

Lee forced himself to unclench his fists, despite the Doctor's continuous condescending tone. "Right," he said flatly. "And what kind of prisoners would they have to move?"

Baltar sighed again. "I don't…" Lee watched as he paused mid-sentence at looked over to his right, staring intently at the empty space beside him. It was times like these when Lee was certain the Vice-President wasn't a genius, but just insane.

"Well actually," he continued, turning back to look at Lee again. "I do know, what kind of prisoners those would be."

As Baltar tapped the ashes of his cigarette into an ashtray, Lee asked, "And what kind of prisoners are those exactly?" This time he didn't even try to stop the malice from entering his voice.

"The human model…prototypes, if you will."

Lee's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "Prototypes?"

"Yes," Baltar said in an exasperated voice. "The cylon human models had to have come from somewhere; they didn't just invent new sets of DNA. Not even the cylons are that advanced." He took another drag of his cigarette.

"If someone were to even _attempt_ to create a new strain of DNA, they would no doubt encounter problems. One single protein in the wrong spot and the individual has a genetic disease. One amino acid too many and another problem arises. I think you get my point." Baltar paused for a second, probably for a dramatic effect. "It's much easier to manipulate an existing strand of DNA, and 'upgrade' it, if you will."

Lee's heart started to beat a little faster as a bad feeling sunk into his gut. "Are you telling me that the human cylon models are cloned from _real_ humans?"

"Yes," Baltar said, looking around as if he was bored. "That's exactly what I'm telling you."

"And these humans are still alive?" Lee asked, not able to wrap his head around that concept yet.

"Yes."

He sounded so definite that Lee had to question him. "How can you know that?"

Baltar's head snapped to his right for only the briefest amount of time, before turning back. "Well, if the cylons want to make new bodies for their human models, they'll need a fresh source of stem cells. That means keeping the prototypes alive."

Lee couldn't believe it. Not only had the cylons taken human form to resemble their 'parents', but they'd done it by cloning humans. Thinking about it some more, Lee realized that that wasn't the worst of it. There were humans, Colonial citizens, in that ship who had been prisoners of the cylons for years, or possibly even decades.

* * *

"What are we going to _do_?" the President asked, looking around at the other occupants in the tactical room. "Some of _our_ people, are being held prisoner by the cylons on that ship. We can't just sit back and do nothing."

"Not to mention the tactical advantages," Tigh piped up.

Lee found himself nodding his head. Even if they could only identify one more cylon model, it would be worth it, and that wasn't even considering the moral grounds that Laura had put forward.

"Luckily I agree," Adama said from where he sat at the table, next to the President. "We need to plan an op, a way to get those people of the ship."

"Let me guess," Kara said. "That's where I come in?" She gave Lee a side-glance that told him she already knew the answer to her question

"Yes," the Admiral said. "Starbuck, I want you to get to work on that immediately. You have my permission to pull any staff that you need, and all resources are available to you."

Lee watched the muscles in her face tighten as she nodded. This was a huge responsibility, but he knew she could handle it.

"Everyone else will remain on normal duties."

All of the military occupants in the room nodded: Tigh, Lee, Fisk, and Taylor.

"Starbuck, I want to know the second you have something."

She nodded her head and stood up from the table. "Yes, Sir."

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Kara took a deep breath and closed her eyes—trying to ignore the background noise in the situation room and focus on the problem at hand. They needed a plan, but for some reason all she could do was draw a blank in the creative department. She was supposed to be the master of op planning, but faced with one of the toughest challenges yet, she couldn't seem to think up anything more intelligent than a nugget could.

She stayed like that, racking her brain for something, _anything,_ until Gaeta interrupted her.

"Here are those maintenance logs and flight schedules you requested Sir," he said.

Kara opened her eyes just in time to see him slip the papers onto the table in front of her. They wouldn't help her now, but when she did finally come up with a plan she would need them. She'd need to know which pilots to fly, depending on how many rotations they'd had lately, and which ships were in the best shape. She gritted her teeth, mentally berating herself for jumping the gun. It didn't matter who was flying, or what they were flying… not when they didn't have a plan.

"Can I get you anything else Captain?" Gaeta asked, looking at her tentatively.

"No," she said, her words coming out harsh. If she wasn't so focused on other things she might have even felt bad.

She watched as Gaeta walked across the room and back to the table he'd been working at, preparing the situation room for when they did carry out the op. Other than him, there were only a handful of other people present, most of whom were doing similar tasks.

Kara brought her focus back to the table in front of her. The part closest to where she was standing was covered in papers, but other than that and a few stray model vipers, the table was empty, another glaring reminder that she hadn't accomplished anything yet.

Kara shuffled through the recon photos for what seemed like the billionth time, looking for something that might trigger a plan to form in her mind. But with each picture she glanced at, the more frustrated she became. She knew there was an op hiding in there somewhere, but she couldn't find it. She fought the urge to scream as her patience grew thinner and thinner.

The sound of the hatch opening behind her was the only thing that stopped her from tossing the papers across the table like a child in the midst of a temper tantrum.

"Starbuck."

Before she had a chance to respond everyone else in the room was turning to salute their Admiral.

"At ease," he said to the room as he made his way around to the far side of the table from Kara. "What do you have Starbuck?"

She felt a surge of guilt as she looked up from the photos and met his eyes. "Nothing," she whispered dejectedly.

Immediately after the meeting the night before, she'd gone to work, locating the people and the resources she needed to make this successful. She'd been up until at least 0400 coming up with plans, only to scrap them later when she found a flaw. After catching a total of about three hours rack time, she'd made her way back to the situation room and started again, hoping that sleep would help her see things more clearly. Yet somehow, after spending her entire day so far in here, she was no farther along than she'd been when she left the meeting the night before. She was failing, big time.

The Admiral raised his eyebrows and gave her an odd look, like he didn't believe what she was saying. She couldn't blame him though; she could hardly believe it either.

"I'm sure I don't need to remind you of the time constraints," he said, looking at her firmly.

She shook her head as she held back a sigh. "No, Sir," she said, her voice almost meek.

He nodded once in response. "Keep me updated."

He turned to leave and Kara could only stand there and watch, becoming more and more desperate to think of some way to save those prisoners on the ship.

She forced her eyes away from the hatch that had already closed, and pulled a piece of paper closer to her, picking up a pen with her other hand at the same time. Hunching over the table she forced herself to begin jotting stuff down.

Soon enough she had half-formed ideas running through her head, but it seemed that each time she started to outline something the thought would either slip away from her, or there would be something clearly wrong with it and she was forced to move onto another one.

It was probably two hours later by the time her concentration finally failed and she snapped, dropping the papers on the table and throwing her pen so hard across the room that she heard it crack when it connected with the wall. Bracing her hands on the side of the table she closed her eyes, trying to regain some focus.

Something was wrong; she had to be missing something. There was no way that an op should be this hard to plan, no matter how important it was, or how much pressure there was riding on her to get it right.

Her racing thoughts were halted by the press of a warm hand on her lower back. She was about to whip around and deck the person who'd snuck up on her until she realized that it was Lee. A number of things gave it away, but the main one was that he was close enough that when she breathed deeply she could smell him. He had this unique sent—one that was completely Lee. She would know—she'd been sleeping in his rack for the past two weeks. Everything there smelled like him: the sheets, the pillow…

"Hey," she said, the word coming out more like a sigh than anything else as she opened her eyes and looked over her shoulder at him.

He smiled at her and she found herself wanting to smile back. "I thought you might want some help," he said, slowly withdrawing his hand from her back.

She missed the contact immediately, but the thought was shoved out of her head when she saw him extending his other hand toward her. She smiled when she saw that he was holding a mug of coffee.

"You or the coffee?" she asked, trying to keep her tone light.

He let out a quiet laugh as he pressed the mug into her hand. Her fingers curled around it immediately, savoring the warmth and the idea that it might help to keep her awake.

"Both," Lee replied quietly as he moved so that he was standing beside her instead of behind. His eyes immediately began to scan over the papers that were strewn all the way across the table. Picking up the nearest one he began to read, turning the page at different angles in order to follow her scribbled writing.

She had to hold back a laugh as his face scrunched up; he was so cute when he was confused.

"Um, this makes sense to you?" he asked, turning to look at her.

The smile fell from her face and she sighed, brushing away stray strands of hair wearily with one hand. "Not really," she admitted.

"Okay," Lee said slowly, turning back to look at the papers again. "So, uh… what do we have?"

Kara let out a groan as she placed the mug of coffee on the table and leaned forward, resting her head in her hands. "Nothing," she said bitterly. "I'm totally frakked."

"No you're not," Lee said encouragingly, briefly placing one hand on her shoulder and squeezing lightly. "We'll figure it out."

She looked up at him. "Not that I don't appreciate this Lee, but aren't you supposed to be flying CAP?" She was certain that she'd seen him name in the afternoon slot on the day's schedule.

Lee's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

She sighed again as she stood up straighter, no longer leaning on the table. "You," she replied. "You're supposed to be flying CAP right now."

Lee shook his head and the look on his face turned from confusion to worry in no time. "No," he said hesitantly. "I finished my rotation over an hour ago."

Kara shook her head, unwilling to believe that it was that late, but a quick glance at her watch told her Lee was right. "Frak me," she muttered, the weight of her assignment crashing down on her again.

"Hey," Lee said quietly as he put his hand on her shoulder again. "Why don't you fill me in and then go catch some rack time?"

"No," she said stubbornly. She was going to do this.

Thankfully he didn't argue with her, and instead turned his attention back to the mess in front of him. "Then let's get to work."

* * *

"No," she said forcefully as the frustration began to overwhelm her again. "Lee, the cylons aren't stupid, they'll see right through that."

"Well what then Kara?" Lee asked, obviously on the verge of losing his patience completely. "What are we going to do?"

She bit her tongue to keep from lashing out. It wasn't his fault after all. "I don't know," she said through gritted teeth. "But we aren't going to do that."

"Damn it, Kara," he said as he pushed himself up so that he was standing rather than leaning on the table. She couldn't help but notice that his appearance was beginning to match her own, tired and disheveled. "_Every_ idea that I've come up with, you've shot down."

"They're textbook perfect plans, Lee," she said, turning to face him completely. "They aren't going to work, not against the cylons."

She could practically hear him counting to five in his head before he responded. "The cylons don't even know that we're coming Kara, we have the element of surprise."

"And I'd like to keep it that way, okay?"

He looked about ready to punch her, but she couldn't say that the feeling wasn't mutual. It wasn't that they didn't work well together; it was just that they had two completely different ways of approaching things. Most of the time that worked for them, but apparently this wasn't one of those times.

"Why does it have to be a full out attack?" he asked as he looked at her intently, his blue eyes catching hers and not letting go.

"What do you mean?" she asked hesitantly, a weird feeling in her gut. Was this what she had been missing this whole time?

He sighed. "Why do we have to go in, guns blazing, and have the fight of the century? Hell, we can't do that even if you want to—there's no way we can afford that many casualties."

He definitely had a point. "So what do you suggest?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even.

Lee groaned. "I don't know," he said. "You're so stubborn that you won't even give my plans a second thought."

"Oh, I'm so stubborn?" she asked rhetorically. "Who's the one that won't think outside the box for more than two frakking seconds?"

Lee glared at her for about a second before he started laughing. It took her a while to realize that in her tired state it _was_ funny. Pretty soon she was nearly doubled over and trying to catch her breath.

"Gods," she said a few seconds later as she finally managed to regain most of her composure. "We fight like an old married couple."

The words slipped out before she even realized what she'd said. That was dangerous territory to be treading in, and normally when she went there it backfired. She held her breath, waiting for Lee to react.

He gave her an odd looking sideways glance, but that was all.

She breathed a sigh of relief—the last thing she needed to do was frak up their friendship again.

"So," she said, turning her attention back to the task in front of them. "No more blazing guns?" She put on a fake pout and when Lee looked over at her he laughed again.

"No more blazing guns," he confirmed. He rested his hands on the edge of the table and looked at the recon pictures again. "What we need is a way to get those prisoners out without the cylons even knowing we're there."

Kara snorted. "Like that's going to…" She broke off mid sentence as a thought sprang to mind. "Frak me," she said while her mind ran over the details. "You're right."

* * *

"Starbuck," the Old Man said as he walked into the situation room, the President accompanying him and looking as dignified as ever. "Lee," he added, sounding surprised to see his son already there.

"Captain Thrace," the President said, walking over to stand near the map table. "Am I correct in assuming you have a way to get those people off the cylon ship?"

Kara nodded and found herself smiling. "Yes, Madame President."

"Good," Laura affirmed, a small smile gracing her face. Turning to look at Bill she said, "We're just waiting for Commander Fisk and Captain Taylor I presume?"

He nodded. "Yes, they should be here any minute."

As if on cue, the hatch opened and the two Pegasus officers stepped through. "Sir," they said simultaneously, saluting the Admiral.

"Gentlemen," he responded, returning the salute.

"So, do we have a plan?" Fisk asked as he walked around to the far side of the table, his eyes never leaving the small figurines that were spread across it.

"Yes," the Admiral said as he glanced down at the table. "Captain Thrace has informed me that she's figured out a way to get the prisoners off the ship."

Kara found herself nodding in silent affirmation of the Old Man's words. She caught the skeptical look that Taylor threw at her from across the table, but she ignored it. Given how tired and cranky she was, if she did give it a second thought she'd be in hack before the night was over.

"Right," she said, focusing her attention on the map table. "Galactica will jump in here." She moved the small replica of the battlestar in between the position of the two basestars. "We'll be sending a scouting party a few minutes before so that we can confirm the position of the basestars before we jump."

The Admiral nodded. So far so good, now she just had to get him to agree to the next part of her plan.

"Pegasus will stay behind with the civilian ships."

Immediately she saw the Old Man's eyebrows rise as he looked at her skeptically. "Galactica is going to take on two basestars by herself?"

Kara nodded. "Yes, but not in the way you're thinking." She took a deep breath before plunging into her explanation. "As soon as we jump in Sharon's going to send a computer virus to the cylon ships, like last time."

It was so silent that Kara swore she would have been able to hear a pin drop. They were all waiting for her to explain her apparently insane plan.

"I had Helo go down and talk to her; she said that if she has enough time to prepare before we jump she'll be able to do it. It won't freeze their systems for long, but it'll be enough."

She looked around briefly, and Adama caught her eye. "How long?" he asked, not willing to blindly except her idea.

She sighed as she looked at him straight on. "Five minutes, _maybe_ ten, but it's enough time for Galactica to take out at least one of the basestars, if not both."

"You're forgetting about the raiders _Captain_," Taylor said, drawing her attention back to him. "It doesn't matter how fast we're able to send that computer virus out, the cylons will still have time to launch raiders, not to mention the ones already flying guard around the ship."

When Kara spoke it was through clenched teeth. "I know," she said angrily. "But the virus will affect the raiders too. As soon as Galactica jumps in, we'll send out the virus and launch vipers. We'll be able to kill most of the raiders, if not all of them, before the cylons regain control of their systems."

"I don't like this," the President said as she studied the board intently. Looking up she added, "I'm sorry Captain Thrace, but it sounds too risky."

"It is risky," she said bluntly—there was no point in denying it.

"We're trusting a _cylon_."

"Believe me Madame President, I don't like the idea any more than you do. But this is the best way to save those people. The anticipated casualties are lower than with any other approach."

The President looked at Kara resolutely. "That's assuming our cylon prisoner will hold up her end of the bargain."

Kara nodded. "Yes, but she could have screwed us all over at any point, and she hasn't. Why would she now?" As much as Kara hated to admit it, that was the truth. But despite being aware of the logic behind her decision, she was just as nervous about this as the President. It was their only realistic option, but if something went wrong… it was all on her head. _If _Sharon decided to screw them over, she'd be more to blame than the cylon.

"Fine," Laura said. "We'll do it your way, but how are we going to get the people off the ship once the virus has been transmitted?"

Kara sighed and turned to look at the Old Man, more out of instinct than conscious thought. "Captain Adama will be leading a strike team." She wasn't blind; she saw the worried look that flashed across his face before the Commander's mask slipped back into place.

She ripped her gaze away from the Admiral and focused her attention back on the planning board. "Three raptors carrying marine strike forces will storm the ship," she said, moving the small replicas into place. "Once they get inside, they'll need to find wherever it is that the prisoners are being kept, and they'll need to do it as fast as they can, hopefully killing off as many toasters as they can on the way."

"I thought you said the cylons would be affected by the virus," Adama said.

Kara nodded. "The raiders and the ships will, but there's no guarantee that it'll knock out centurions. As for the human models… it's doubtful."

The President gave her another unconvinced look. "How do we know how many cylons are inside the ship?"

"We don't," Kara stated. "But it's a small ship, and they rely on the raiders to protect them. We aren't expecting there to be many."

Kara looked around her, waiting for another question. She wasn't surprised when it was from Stinger.

"So you're leading the squadron then?" he asked, a resentful look crossing over his face.

"No," she said bitterly. "It's another week before I can get back in the cockpit." She had the sudden urge to turn and look at Lee, but she stopped herself. Despite the fact that she'd told him it wasn't his fault, he still got that guilty look on his face any time someone mentioned her knee injury, even in passing.

"Who then?"

"Don't worry," she said sharply. "Galactica's pilots won't be the only ones getting the glory. I need you to lead the viper attack, plus we'll need a back up squadron of pilots from Pegasus."

Taylor looked surprised, but her comments seemed to have shut him up. Everyone else remained quiet too. When the silence stretched out into several seconds Kara let out a sigh of relief as she realized that she was done. After countless hours she was finally done.

"All right," the Admiral said. "I guess we have our plan."

* * *

Lee stood to the side as people began to file out of the room. Eventually only he, Kara and his father remained. Kara was hunched over the table at an uncomfortable looking angle, her head resting on the flat surface. Her eyes were closed and if she hadn't been standing he would have thought she was asleep.

His father began to head for the hatch, but paused when he got there. "You two did good," he said, a proud smile breaking over his face as he looked back and forth between them before opening the hatch and stepping out.

Kara lifted her head just in time to see the Old Man slip out. As Lee moved closer to her he could see how exhausted she was. She looked ready to simply pass out right there. A part of him wanted to be worried, but he forced it back, knowing that she'd be fine as soon as she got some rack time.

She turned her head to look up at him. "Still here?" she asked, fighting back a yawn.

He nodded. "Just waiting for you."

She smiled at him as she pushed herself off the table. He was still surprised at how easy he found it to smile back.

Lee walked beside Kara as she limped out of the room and toward the senior pilot's bunkroom. He tried not to think about how painful it looked for her to move, but he wasn't doing a very good job.

He'd screwed up and Kara had gotten hurt. Now he had another mission facing him and if he did something wrong again, more people would get hurt. It wasn't a comforting thought, not in the least. As much as he knew that he shouldn't fixate on it, he couldn't help himself—the more he thought, the more his gut twisted and churned as nervousness threatened to overwhelm him. He doubted that he'd be getting any sleep that night.

Lee was so lost in his thoughts that he was surprised when he looked up and saw they were standing in front of the entrance to the bunkroom. He moved to open the hatch but stopped when he felt Kara's hand on his arm. He turned to look at her and was quick to notice the almost timid and solemn look on her face.

"Thank you," she said sincerely, her words barely audible.

He gave her a tired smile. "Don't worry about it."

"No," she said firmly, her voice getting a little louder. Her grip tightened on his forearm. "I would have been screwed without your help," she admitted.

It was then that he realized exactly how much pressure she placed on herself. She was bound and determined to be Starbuck one hundred percent of the time, always saving their asses and pulling off miraculous stunts. It was great for the fleet, but not for her. It didn't ever really give her a chance to just be Kara.

Acting on instinct he gently pulled her into a hug. She tightened her arms around him and leaned against him tiredly. He ran one hand up and down her back and she sighed, nestling her head in against his neck. It felt right when it should feel wrong, but he was too tired to think about it much.

He had the sudden urge to turn his head and place a gentle kiss on her temple, but he didn't. That would definitely be stepping over the thin line between friendship and something more that they somehow managed to maintain. Instead he tightened his arms around her slightly and tilted his head to whisper in her ear.

"It's what friends do."

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Lee didn't wake up in the morning so as much as simply haul himself out of bed—he couldn't consider it waking up if he hadn't fallen asleep in the first place. After he and Kara had made it into the bunkroom the night before, he'd climbed up the ladder into her rack and just laid there, a million different thoughts and worries running through his mind. No matter how hard he'd tried he couldn't shake the nervous feeling that had overwhelmed him, especially when he knew there were other people doubting his abilities too. In the end he'd spent the entire night tossing and turning while his mind worked in overdrive.

Lee climbed down the ladder slowly, trying to be quiet. It wasn't quite time for the shift change and he didn't want to make any more noise than was necessary.

He slowly pulled back the curtain around his rack and looked in. Apparently Kara hadn't had the problem sleeping that he'd had—she was dead to the world. He couldn't help but smile a little as she buried her face deeper into his pillow and sighed deeply.

Letting the curtain fall back into place, Lee made his way over to his locker, trying not to shiver as the cold metal of the deck chilled his bare feet. Deciding not to put off the inevitable, Lee changed into tanks and shorts before slipping his flight suit on over top. Instead of doing it up, he tied the arms around his waist. He wasn't ready to feel the material closing him in completely and reminding him of the upcoming mission—not yet anyway.

Lee closed his locker door softly before looking up at the clock that hung on the wall. He sighed when he read the time. It was just over two hours until they were set to jump to the cylons' location.

Drawing back the curtain, Lee looked in on Kara again. She was still sound asleep, and a quick look at the alarm clock on the shelf told him she'd be like that for a while.

Rather than closing the curtain, he opened it further and gently lowered himself until he was perched on the edge of the mattress. For a second he allowed himself the luxury of simply sitting there and watching her. There were only a handful of times that he remembered seeing her look so peaceful.

"Kara," he whispered, leaning over her slightly. When she didn't stir he spoke a little louder. "Kara, wake up," he said, as he reached over and gently shook her shoulder.

She woke up with a start, her arm nearly connecting with the side of Lee's head in the process.

"Whoa," he said as he dodged the wayward limb.

Kara looked at him oddly through only half-opened eyes. "Sorry," she muttered sleepily after a few seconds.

"It's okay," he said, trying not to notice that she was sleeping in only a single tank and her underwear…in his bed.

It was dangerous enough to think of her like that—in a very non-platonic way—normally, but to have that kind of distraction on his mind during the upcoming mission…it would be practically suicide.

Lee felt his gut begin to twist and churn as he thoughts returned to the mission once again. He closed his eyes tightly, wishing that for once he could be the perfect and infallible Apollo that all his pilots thought he was.

* * *

Kara felt her stomach flip as she saw Lee close his eyes tightly—it looked like he was in pain. 

"Lee," she said hesitantly, not even trying to keep the worry out of her voice. "Are you okay?"

His eyes flew open and once they registered on her face his demeanor seemed to change and he nodded. "Fine," he said.

She held back a sigh—it was too bad she didn't believe that. She knew Lee well enough to know when he was telling the truth, and when he was lying. Right now it was definitely the second.

"You sure?" she asked, looking at him intently.

He nodded. "Yeah," he said through a yawn.

Kara raised one eyebrow at him. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"I'm fine," Lee said harshly, despite the quietness of his voice.

Those two words gave her the real answer—he hadn't slept at all, and now he was about to fly a very important mission. He was nervous, and tense—she could see it on his face and in his posture. She gritted her teeth and forced herself not to call his bluff.

She wished she could be out there with him later; they should be doing it together. For what seemed like the millionth time in the past few weeks, Kara silently cursed her old pyramid injury. It was still another week before Cottle would clear her for flight status, but another week wasn't good enough. They needed her now…he needed her now.

"Anyway," Lee said, interrupting her train of thought. "It's two hours until we jump."

Kara felt her eyes widen in surprise. It felt like she'd just fallen asleep minutes ago, but it did explain the wake up call.

"Thanks," Kara said as she swung her legs over the side of the bed and shifted so she was sitting next to Lee.

"Yeah," he replied, sounding distracted. He stood up and started to walk away, seemingly lost in thought again.

She quickly stood up, and ignoring the pain in her knee, caught up with him. She wrapped her hand around his arm and he stopped, turning around to look at her peculiarly.

"Hold on," she said. "Give me a second to get changed and I'll go with you."

"Right," Lee said, bristling at her comment for some reason.

She wrote it off as nerves as she limped back over to her locker and put on her dress blues.

* * *

Lee stared at the food on his plate…that was if it could even be considered food in the first place. He used his fork to push the … eggs maybe? Around his plate. A quick glance over at Kara told him that she found the food unappealing too, but at least she was managing to eat it. 

Every time he thought about taking a bite his stomach churned and he was certain that he'd be sick if he did. So instead he just sat there and rearranged the food mindlessly, his thoughts occupied with much more important things. The details of the plan kept running through his head, over and over, making the night before seem a lot less trying in comparison.

"Hey," Kara said quietly, drawing his attention back to her. "You going to eat anything?"

"No," he said, getting angry as he pushed his plate away and stood up.

"Hey," Kara said again, this time more annoyed.

"I'll see you later," Lee said briskly as he made his way out of the mess and into the hallways of Galactica. He didn't need her mothering him, not now.

Lee could feel the anger simmering under the surface, but there was only one problem—it was directed more towards himself than Kara. He was mad because he knew there was a very good chance that he'd screw up out there. And, as usual, he was taking it out on Kara. She didn't deserve any of it, but he just hoped she would understand, or at least forgive him for it. That was how they worked after all.

Lee's feet instinctively brought him to the situation room. He opened the hatch slowly, relieved to find that no one was there yet. The personnel probably wouldn't start filing in until twenty minutes or so before they jumped.

Lee walked directly to the center of the room and looked over the map table. He had over an hour; it would have to be enough time.

* * *

As soon as Kara forced down the rest of her breakfast, she left the mess hall in search of Lee. It wasn't long before she found him—it helped that she already knew where he would be. 

Kara closed the hatch of the situation room behind her as she slipped inside. Lee was so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn't even heard her enter. She took a second to just stand there and watch him. He was staring at the map table intently and muttering quietly to himself.

She felt her chest tighten as she realized exactly how nervous Lee was. He was so tense with worry that she could actually see the muscles straining underneath his tanks. It was disconcerting seeing him like that—it was practically guaranteed that all pilots would be nervous before big ops, but not like this. Lee was supposed to be confident, not insecure.

"What do you want Kara?" Lee asked suddenly, though he didn't turn around to look at her.

She nearly jumped upon hearing his voice, loud and unexpected in the quiet room. She had no idea what had given away her presence, but she tried to hide her surprise.

"I'm just making sure you know the plan," she said as she made her way over to the table.

"I know the plan," Lee replied through gritted teeth, still not looking up.

"Right," Kara said flatly as she stood a few steps off to his left.

She watched as he stood completely still, save for the movements of his eyes as they scanned over the plan repeatedly. When the silence and tension became too much she started to talk again.

"Galactica's going to jump in here," she said, indicating the spot on the map with her finger as she began to go over the mission. It was as much for her own reassurance as for his. She needed to make sure that she did everything she could to ensure that Lee would be okay on the mission.

Out of the corner of her eye Kara saw Lee's hands tighten, grasping the table hard.

"You think I can't do it," Lee stated, his voice angrier than she ever remembered hearing it.

Kara's eyes automatically turned upward to look at his face. It was obvious that he was on the verge of losing control of his anger.

"No," Kara said meekly, refuting his claim.

"Just admit it Kara," he yelled, finally turning to look at her. "You think I can't do this; you think that I'm going to frak up!" He paused for half a second. "Maybe you're right," he added bitterly. "But I don't need you throwing it in my face."

Kara wasn't sure what she'd been expecting to happen when she found Lee, but this hadn't been it.

"Lee, I know you can…"

"Oh, don't give me that bullshit Kara," he said. "I saw the way that you and my Dad looked at each other last night. Neither of you think I can pull this off."

"That's not true," she said forcefully. "We're worried Lee. We're worried because this is a risky mission, because there are a lot of things that could go wrong."

Lee opened his mouth to say something else, but she cut him off.

"Not because of you," she said, her voice getting louder. "This plan depends on a hell of a lot of things, and if any one of them goes wrong, things will get bad fast."

Some of Lee's anger seemed to fade away as he took in what she was saying.

"Your Dad and I care about you Lee, and if a part of _my_ plan gets screwed up, you might end up paying for that mistake." Kara paused and took a deep breath. "You're the best person for the mission Lee. I _know_ you can do this."

"Then what?" he asked, not willing to let it go. "If you're so sure I can do this, then why are you here?"

"I don't know," Kara admitted quietly as she looked back down at the table. She wasn't quick enough to miss the questioning look on Lee's face.

She sighed heavily. "I just... I just wish I could be there to watch your back, okay?"

* * *

Lee watched Kara as she began to play with one of the model vipers. To say that he was shocked by her admission… well that was the truth. He'd automatically jumped to the conclusion that she thought he was the wrong person for the job, but apparently he couldn't have been more wrong. It just made him feel ten times worse for getting mad at her. 

He opened his mouth to apologize, but closed it again when Kara started talking. Her voice was quiet and he almost had to strain to hear it.

"It's stupid, but… when it's the two of us, we always make it through. No matter how bad things get, in the end, we're always okay." She sighed. "I need to make sure that you're going to be okay."

Lee suddenly felt an unexpected stinging sensation at the back of his eyes. Kara was _never_ this emotionally honest, with anyone. He'd only ever known how she was feeling because over the years he'd learned to read her well, not because she'd ever actually told him.

"Kara," he began quietly.

"I know it's stupid," she said. "But that doesn't change it."

"It's not stupid," Lee said as he shifted closer to her. "You think I don't worry about you whenever you're out there?"

She looked up suddenly with an inquisitive look on her face.

He turned around so that he was leaning against the table and looking at her straight on. "Yeah," he said in confirmation. "Gods, ever since you crash landed on that moon I'm terrified that something will happen and you won't come back."

"Lee…"

"No," he said. "I always worry about you when you're out there, but I trust you Kara. I trust that you're a good enough pilot to get yourself out of any situation you might find yourself in."

A small smile graced her face. "I am good," she said cockily.

Ignoring her comment Lee continued. "I trust you Kara, and I need you to trust me."

Immediately she sobered. "I do trust you," she said bluntly. "More than anyone else." She looked at him directly, pinning his eyes with hers. "I trust you, but you need to trust yourself too."

Lee felt the uneasy feeling return to his stomach as Kara quickly cut to the heart of the matter. "Yeah," he said quietly as he averted his eyes. "Anyway, I should probably head down to the hanger deck…" It was partially a lie. He could easily leave later and still be there in plenty of time.

"Okay," Kara said quietly, not calling his bluff.

Lee gave her a small hesitant smile before turning to leave.

"Wait," Kara said, making him pause mid-step. "Good luck."

"Thanks," he replied quietly. The next thing he knew Kara was wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him towards her. It was so easy to just fall into the embrace, and once again he found himself wishing that she wasn't off limits to him.

"I'll see you when you get back," she said firmly, as if it wasn't an option. He almost wanted to chuckle.

"Yeah," he confirmed. "I'll see you later."

When Kara pulled away, Lee caught sight of her face. From the looks of it, if he didn't come back, she'd kick his ass. And knowing Kara, she'd find a way to do it too, no matter how impossible it might be.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

By the time Lee made it down to the hangar deck, the nervousness that he'd felt that morning had fully returned, but this time it was manageable. He'd have to be an idiot to think that anyone other than Kara was to thank for that. A small smile twitched at the corners of his lips as he entered into the crowded hangar deck.

He walked towards the raptors, weaving his way through groups of pilots and deckhands, and suddenly remembering why it seemed like the place was bursting at the seams. Taylor, a squadron of pilots and some extra deckhands had flown over from Pegasus earlier that morning. All in all it wasn't that many more people to have on the ship, especially given Galactica's size, but when they were all crowded onto the hangar deck it was very noticeable.

Lee scanned the area around where the raptors were kept until he caught sight of a group of deckhands. He recognized only one of them, but she'd be able to tell him what he needed to know.

"Cally," he called out, having to raise his voice above the commotion.

She turned around, and leaving the other two to whatever they'd been doing, she made her way over to him. "Do you need something Sir?" she asked, looking at him attentively.

"Yeah," he affirmed with a nod. "Are those the raptors for the mission?" he asked, pointing to the three that were closest to them.

"Yes Sir," Cally confirmed. "I just finished checking all of the systems. Everything's ready."

Lee found himself nodding again. "All right," he said quietly. "Listen, I'm going to go over them one last time." It was probably unnecessary, but it would make him feel better. That and he didn't know what else he could do to pass the time until they launched. Working on his viper always seemed to give him something to concentrate on other than his thoughts—he just hoped that it would work the same with a raptor.

Cally gave him an odd look, but didn't comment on his decision. "I'll be over there if you need anything Captain."

* * *

Kara waited anxiously as personnel began to file in and set up what they needed for the mission. It was mostly technical things like comm links to the pilots, CIC, and the interface Sharon needed to send out the virus. They were things she couldn't help with, and it was driving her crazy because she had nothing to do but wait. 

It seemed like forever until the Admiral made his way into the room along with the President. Checking the clock, Kara saw that it was nearly time. Racetrack was set to jump to the coordinates and scout in less than five minutes.

"Everything ready Starbuck?" the Old Man questioned as he took a spot beside her at the table.

She nodded. "We just need Sharon."

She was quick to notice the odd glance that passed between the two leaders of the fleet, but she dismissed it. Now was not the time to be second-guessing her plan. Second-guessing meant that people might get hurt—it meant that Lee might get hurt.

* * *

Lee zipped up his flight suit as he entered into a raptor with one of the three marine strike forces. Everything was set to start as soon as Racetrack and Beehive returned. They'd jumped less than a minute ago, but it wouldn't take them long to get the position of the cylon ships. 

As soon as they returned and sent the information to CIC and the situation room, Galactica would jump. They were on a tight schedule and knowing that other basestars could return at practically any moment, they would jump in without even waiting for Racetrack to land. She'd have to head to Pegasus instead.

Lee waited impatiently as deckhands began to move the raptor he was in over to an elevator that ascended to the flight pod in order for them to launch. Suddenly a crackling noise broke out over the radio. It was only a second before Lee heard Racetrack's voice come in over the frequency. They cylons were still there and she was sending the exact coordinates now.

Lee had to force himself to breathe—this was it.

* * *

Kara watched Sharon closely as she entered the situation room. She couldn't help but still feel nervous about trusting the cylon. But what she'd told the Old Man and the President had been right—this was the best plan that they were ever going to be able to come up with. 

Helo entered not even half a step behind Sharon. Kara's eyebrows lifted in surprise, even though she should have been expecting it—Karl was one loyal man, she'd give him that.

"You ready?" she asked briskly as she gave the cylon a pointed look.

Sharon nodded as she quickly scanned the situation room. Luckily all the people were focusing on their jobs and not on the cylon in their midst. "Ready," she said, confirming it verbally as well.

The Admiral looked back and forth between both of them but didn't say a word.

Not half a second later Kara heard Racetrack's voice filter in over the speakers. This was it.

* * *

As soon as the jump was complete the hangar deck came alive, like a nest of ants that had been poked with a stick. The transformation was near immediate and evident to Lee even though he was in the raptor. He could see and hear the difference… Hell, he could _feel_ it. 

What he could also feel was the clenching of his gut as adrenaline began to pound through his veins. He ignored it, instead focusing all of his attention on the mission.

* * *

"We've launched vipers and the main battery has commenced firing on the nearest basestar," Gaeta said quickly as he relayed information from CIC. 

"Now," Kara said to Sharon, not waiting for confirmation from the Old Man. If they didn't send out that virus immediately they were going to be facing a lot more than a couple of undefended basestars.

Sharon connected the wire from Galactica's mainframe to the IV that Cottle had put in her arm. She grimaced immediately.

"I'm in," she said as she closed her eyes.

* * *

In less than a minute all of the vipers were launched and the raptors were being raised to the flight pod. If there was time, Lee would have admired the efficiency of Galactica's deck crew, but there wasn't… not now. 

The basestars and raiders were frozen, just like Sharon had promised. Galactica was well on its way to destroying the first of the basestars and from what he could gather from the transmissions coming in, the pilots were doing a hell of a number on the raiders. Lee just hoped that they had the time to destroy them all before the cylons found a way to counter the virus.

Both basestars had launched all of their raiders as soon as Galactica jumped in, and if the raiders overcame the virus too quickly it would turn into a bloodbath.

* * *

"_Galactica, Apollo. Raptors are away, ETA one minute."_

Kara felt her breath catch in her throat as Lee's voice came over the speakers. She knew he could do this, but that didn't lessen the worry, not in the slightest. Was this honestly how he felt every time she was out there in a dogfight? She couldn't help but wonder how the hell he did it.

* * *

Lee led the marines through the corridors of the cylon ship. Everything looked the same in there and they could have been going in circles for all he knew. 

Luckily they had only run into inactive centurions so far—apparently Sharon's virus was better than she'd thought it would be, because it seemed like the metal toaster heads were being affected just as much as the cylon ships. So far, so good.

"Sir?" one of the marines questioned, catching his attention.

Not taking his eyes off he hallway in front of him, he responded. "What?"

"Sir, there's a door here."

Lee stopped walking and motioned for one of the others to take point. He dropped back beside the marine … Bonnington maybe… and looked around. Sure enough there was a doorway, practically hidden in the wall. He should have seen it, but he'd been too busy scouting ahead.

Ignoring his mistake for the moment, Lee reached toward the door, looking for some sort of way to open it. Noticing a small sensor pad off to the right, he swiped his hand over it. The door slid open from top to bottom.

Not taking the time to stop and think about it, Lee held his gun at chest level as he entered into the hallway, calling over his shoulder for the rest of the marines to fall in behind him.

It was different from the rest of the ship. It was pure white, almost pristine looking, and it had an unpleasant smell about it. Something told him that the antiseptic hospital odor meant they'd found what they were looking for.

* * *

Kara braced her hands on the map table and leaned against it heavily. Closing her eyes, she simply listened. That was really all there was left to do—take in the various reports coming from CIC, the squadron, Lee, and make sure that nothing was going wrong. 

"CIC reports that the first basestar has been destroyed!" Gaeta said, raising his voice so that it would penetrate the room. The cheering that followed was loud and boisterous, but the Admiral's voice quickly silenced it.

"Don't lose focus," he said. "We're far from done."

Kara couldn't help but notice the extra tension in the Old Man's voice—Galactica might be almost in the clear, but Lee was still stuck in the heart of a cylon ship.

* * *

The hallway was empty except for two doors that faced each other from opposite sides. 

Not even pausing, Lee made his way towards the door on the left. "Alpha with me," he said, indicating one team of the marines with him. "Constellation in there," he added, pointing to the door on the right. "Bravo stay and provide cover."

Lee tried the door on the left, swiping his hand over the same kind of sensor as before. He was a little surprised to find that it opened without need of a recognition code or something.

"Apparently they weren't expecting visitors," he muttered as he entered.

* * *

"The virus is still affecting them," Gaeta said in response to the Admiral's question. "Both the CIC and the vipers are reporting no activity." 

"Thank the gods," Laura whispered quietly from her place across the table from Kara.

She was right, they'd passed the seven minute mark and the virus was continuing to work. Still… Kara couldn't help but wonder much longer it would last.

"Any word on Apollo?" she asked Gaeta.

He shook his head. "Nothing since they arrived on the prisoner ship."

* * *

"What are you doing?!" a voice asked angrily as Lee stepped into the room. "I told you not to disturb me. If we're to make more copies I need to finish harvesting the cells." 

It was only a fraction of a second before Lee registered the speaker in the room and where he was. It was a tall black man in a white medical jacket—he was standing across the enormous room, hovering over something that was quiet obviously the cylon version of an infirmary bed.

Instinctively Lee held his gun a little tighter, but he remained silent, motioning for the marines to do the same.

When the cylon finally turned around to scold whomever it was he thought they were, he received a rude surprise.

"Who are you?" he asked angrily as he advanced towards them. "How did you get in here?" Lee recognized him immediately as the cylon that Kara had described in her mission report from Caprica.

Not feeling particularly inclined to answer him, Lee pulled the trigger. The cylon fell to the floor with a bullet in his head.

"Let's move," Lee said. "We need to get these people to Galactica ASAP."

* * *

Kara watched the clock in the situation room. The hands seemed to be ticking at much too quick a pace. They were almost at nine minutes. Sharon had guaranteed them that the virus would last no longer than ten. 

"Come on Lee," she whispered under her breath.

* * *

Lee quickly made his way over to the bed that had the cylon had been looking over. A pale, blonde woman was lying there—she looked like she was on the verge of death. It took him a second to realize that he'd seen the woman before, or at least a cylon who'd looked like her—it was the Shelly Godfrey model. He briefly wondered what other models they'd found, but he didn't have the time to check on them all. 

The next thing he noticed were the tubes and the wires. They were everywhere. There must have been at least a dozen connected to the woman on the bed.

"Sir," Wenzler said as he entered the room, having previously been in the other with the Constellation team. "They're hooked up to a bunch of machines. I'm no doctor, but I'd say this is what's keeping them alive."

Even though Lee couldn't make out the people occupying the other beds, he could see that they were surrounded by just as many, if not more, stands of equipment. It was obviously the same in the other room as well.

"Unhook the machines," Lee commanded, knowing that they were already taking too long.

"Sir, I don't think…"

"No," Lee said forcefully. "We don't have time." He stared at Wenzler intently, making sure he understood. "Unhook them and let's get the hell out of here."

* * *

Lee led the three strike forces back to the raptors as fast as they could go given that they now had six people to carry. Fortunately the marines that were carrying the people didn't seem to be having any problems, as the prisoners were obviously underweight. 

Even though he'd only had a good look at the Shelly prototype, he'd managed to catch glimpses of the others from their positions over the shoulders of marines. From what he could tell they had just saved three men and three women from the cylons, any details other than that were lost to him for the moment.

Lee just hoped they would survive the trip back to Galactica. It just seemed like the people were all asleep, but he had no way of knowing what disconnecting those devices so abruptly had done to them.

Checking his watch, Lee realized that they were out of time. More than ten minutes had passed already, and the needed to get the hell off the ship as fast as they could, or else none of them were going to make it.

Lee rounded the second to last corner and the next thing he knew there was a series of gunfire. Acting on pure instinct he ordered the marines to stop as he backtracked and took cover behind the wall. His heart began to race as another surge of adrenaline kicked in.

They had almost made it back to the raptors, and now the only thing lying between them and their way off the ship was half a dozen centurions.

* * *

"The virus has stopped working!" Gaeta called out from his console. 

Kara automatically turned to the Old Man, a look of worry on her face. They still hadn't heard anything from Lee since he'd boarded the cylon ship. He was running out of time.

* * *

The details were fuzzy, but somehow they'd managed to take down all of the centurions and they were on the move again. Two marines were injured, but all in all they were in good shape. 

"Everyone get on a raptor right away," Lee ordered as they jogged down the corridor, carefully watching for any more surprises. "We're leaving the second we get there."

* * *

"_Galactica, Apollo."_

Kara breathed a sigh of relief as she heard Lee's voice. Another shared look with the Old Man told her he was having the same reaction.

"_We're outbound from the cylon ship with six new people on board. I'm requesting a med team to meet us in the hangar deck."

* * *

_

Lee could hear the cheering in the situation room over the comm link. He couldn't help but grin knowing that they'd done it—that _he'd_ done it without screwing up. The adrenaline began to fade away, only to be replaced by that post op high. Gods he'd missed that feeling.

Looking out the front of the raptor Lee saw that saving the people wasn't the only thing they'd accomplished—only one of the basestars was left intact, but in a few more seconds it would be just a mess of metal and blood like the other one.

In addition, some of the squadron was now engaged with the raiders, but there were only a handful left for them to mop up.

Three vipers sped by them and headed straight for the ship they'd just left. The pilots opened fire and Lee knew that in less than a few minutes there would be no cylons left at all.

He felt a surge of pride knowing that Kara's plan had worked so well.

* * *

Kara left the commotion of the situation room, only to find herself engulfed in the same atmosphere, but this time in the hangar bay. The crew was working hard to bring in all the vipers and raptors, but it wasn't like normal—there was a distinctly elevated energy to their movements. 

She couldn't blame them though—she'd practically bounced down to the hangar deck, and she was grinning from ear to ear. The plan had gone off without a hitch and she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this good.

Looking around, Kara immediately spotted the three raptors and headed over to them. The hatches opened and marines began to file out. Lee's raptor was the one farthest away from her, but that didn't stop her from catching his eye as he stepped out.

He looked at her, a broad grin covering his face. Kara felt her smile get even larger knowing that Lee was happy too. He was finally over his ejection from the blackbird, and all Kara could think was that it was about damn time.

Lee started making his way over to her, and looked like he was about to call out over the crowd, but the commotion from one of the nearby med teams drew her attention away.

She recognized one of the medics from when she'd been stuck in sickbay. Layne Ishay was talking to another paramedic as they put a blonde woman on a stretcher. "We need to get these people down to sickbay immediately. There's no telling what's wrong with them."

Kara took in the Ishay's words as she looked more closely at the woman on the stretcher. She was pale, and thin… much too thin.

Glancing around at the group that had exited the raptor closest to her, Kara caught sight of two more stretchers. The dark skin of the man on one threw her off for a second. She shuddered as memories of the farm on Caprica washed over her. Tearing her gaze away her eyes landed on the third stretcher.

Time stopped. She felt all the blood drain from her face. Every ounce of happiness that she had been feeling disappeared.

She inhaled sharply. A second later his name passed from her lips. "Zak?"

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Previously:

_Glancing around at the group that had exited the raptor closest to her, Kara caught sight of two more stretchers. The dark skin of the man on one threw her off for a second. She shuddered as memories of the farm on Caprica washed over her. Tearing her gaze away her eyes landed on the third stretcher._

_Time stopped. She felt all the blood drain from her face. Every ounce of happiness that she had been feeling disappeared._

_She inhaled sharply. A second later his name passed from her lips. "Zak?"_

**Chapter 13**

When Lee exited the raptor he was grinning like an idiot, but he didn't care. He'd just lead three teams of marines into a cylon ship, and rescued six humans that had been held as prisoners of the cylons and used as prototypes for the human cylon models. The day's events couldn't have gone more smoothly. The last thought probably shouldn't have made him as happy as it did, but after everything he'd gone through the past few weeks to get back to normal, he allowed himself the indulgence.

In less than a second he caught sight of Kara—she was beaming at him from across the crowd. He ignored the fluttering feeling in his stomach and started to make his way towards her. With some stupid comment on the tip of his tongue, Lee opened his mouth to call out over the people between them. He stopped when Kara turned away abruptly.

He tried his best to see what she was looking at, but given how busy it was, it was hopeless. As he continued to weave through the deckhands, marines and pilots he kept his gaze on Kara. Without warning her face blanched.

Lee picked up speed and became more forceful as he made a path through the crowd. Something was wrong. If the blood rushing out of her face hadn't given it away, the tense posture of her body would have. His heart was pounding fast—he couldn't think of anything that would cause Kara to react like that.

He pushed past the last of the people just in time to hear her speak.

"Zak?"

Lee's head whipped around quickly, suddenly pulling his attention away from Kara and focusing on the stretcher that was only a few feet away from her. The sounds of the hangar deck faded away and all he could hear was his own quickened breath and the pounding in his ears. Only an arm's length away his brother was lying on a stretcher. He was thin, and almost frail looking, but Lee would recognize that face anywhere.

He felt oddly detached, as he stood there stock-still and stared at his brother's unconscious form. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew his reaction was due to shock. All he could focus on was Zak…Zak who was right there…Zak who was supposed to be dead, but appeared very much alive…

The sound of violent retching broke him from his astonishment. Ignoring the questions from the medics and knuckle draggers, Lee looked around frantically until he found the source of the noise. Kara was on her hands and knees beside the nearest bulkhead, emptying the contents of her stomach onto the deck.

Instinct took over and Lee ran toward her.

* * *

Kara was vaguely aware of running away from the crowd and falling to the deck, before getting sick. There was nothing left to bring up, but her body insisted on trying. Bile burned in her throat and she couldn't breathe; she was choking. Her vision blurred in front of her eyes and she was sure she was going to pass out. 

The next thing she knew there was a hand pressing firmly against her lower back, and a voice was telling her to breathe. It became more insistent and Kara struggled to inhale. One shaky breath followed another as the hand began to rub small circles on her back. Eventually she was breathing semi-normally, though her body was still trembling.

Rocking back on her heels, Kara turned her head to find Lee kneeling beside her. Even in the fog of shock, she wasn't surprised to see him.

"Lee, it's…"

"I know."

As some of the disbelief began to ebb away, she took in his appearance—his face was white, the muscles in his jaw were straining and he was shaking too—_he knew_.

They both looked up as the medics rushed the stretchers past them and out the nearby hatch. When she caught a glimpse of Zak she was hit by a rush of emotions: disbelief, relief and fear… fear that this was too good to be true.

In less than a second they were gone and Kara was pushing herself onto her feet. "We need to go with him," she told Lee as he stood up beside her. His answer was a single terse nod.

Lee turned to look at Tyrol who wasn't standing too far away from them. "Call the situation room and tell the Admiral to meet us in the infirmary."

The Chief nodded, the look on his face was somewhere between confusion and worry.

Not willing to wait any longer, Kara took off as fast as she could manage with her knee, heading for the infirmary, with Lee less than two steps behind her.

* * *

The entire way to sickbay all Lee could think about was how he hadn't recognized Zak sooner. He may have been leading the mission, and yes he'd been preoccupied with getting them off the ship alive, but how the hell had he missed that? He found his hands clenching tightly. He shouldn't have missed it, end of story. He didn't have time to dwell on any of that now, there were much more important things to focus on. 

By the time they made it to sickbay, they were both slightly out of breath, but that didn't stop Kara from barging straight in. She nearly ran in to the President and his father, both of whom were standing directly inside the entrance. Kara came to an abrupt halt and Lee nearly ran in to her.

"Lee, what's going on?" His father demanded. "I got your message to get here right away."

Lee inhaled deeply, hoping that it would allow him to get his bearings. "Dad, it's… it's one of the people we brought back." Even his voice was shaking, but with so many emotions running through his body and his mind going into overdrive, he couldn't do a thing about it.

His father tensed immediately. "Who?" He asked, his voice gruff.

Lee looked over at Kara briefly, and when she nodded he looked back at his dad. He practically choked on the name, because in so many ways he still didn't believe it was true. "Zak."

For a second he watched in horror as his dad physically faltered, nearly collapsing onto the ground. Both Lee and Laura reached out to support him.

"My son?" he asked, tears filling his eyes. "My son's alive?"

Lee nodded, unable to say anything as his throat tightened. Bill sat down heavily in a nearby chair. Laura took a seat beside him and placed a hand lightly on his arm. Bill closed his eyes and he drew a few shaky breaths before composing himself.

He turned and looked at Laura; a glance that Lee couldn't place passed between them. The President squeezed his father's arm lightly, silently showing her support. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but then shut it. A few more moments passed before she quietly said, "He still has to pass the test Bill."

His father nodded solemnly. "I know." His voice scraped harshly in his throat.

"What are you talking about?" Lee asked, speaking quickly as he looked back and forth between the two of them. "What test?"

Laura looked at both him and Kara sympathetically. "Dr. Baltar's cylon detector test."

"You think they're cylons?" Lee was confused, but it didn't take long until the connection was made in his mind. "Why the hell didn't you tell me that you thought it might be a trap?"

His father looked at him sternly. "You two had enough on your plate already, I didn't want to add to it unless it was necessary."

"That thing doesn't work." Kara stepped up so she was standing beside Lee.

The President shook her head ever so slightly. "There were problems with it initially, but I've been assured that those are now corrected." She took off her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose with one hand. "Dr. Baltar has also increased the speed at which the test will run, but it will still take over four hours per person."

Kara balked at Laura's response. "You're telling me that I have to wait four hours to find out whether or not that's actually Zak?!"

"You won't have to wait that long," Cottle interjected, as if materializing out of nowhere. He looked at each of them in turn. "I'm going to run his blood sample and see if it matches what we have stored in the colonial medical database. It'll be an hour, tops."

"What about the other people that were brought back?" Laura inquired as she stood up.

Cottle sighed and shook his head. "They're all in rough condition. We have no idea what the cylons did to them, not yet anyway. We're guessing that they kept them sustained in a comatose state for transport only. But they're malnourished, and weak. I doubt they'll all pull through."

"Zak?" the Admiral asked, his voice thick with worry as he stood up too.

"He's the strongest out of all of them, but I'm not making any promises."

Lee's chest constricted. Even if that man was Zak and not a cylon, there was a chance that he might die. Lee didn't think he could handle losing his brother twice.

Kara interrupted his thoughts when she clasped his hand tightly. When he turned to look at her, his heart broke. There was pain and fear written all over her face, and Lee knew that she was thinking the same thing. He squeezed her hand, letting her know that he was there.

* * *

The next half hour was the longest of Lee's entire life. It felt like it'd been decades since Cottle left them waiting. At some point he and Kara had sat down. She was seated beside him, her right hand still firmly holding his left. He'd lost feeling in his hand a while ago, but he didn't say anything, just held on tightly. 

There were still a million thoughts running through his head, but the main one was _what if Zak's a cylon_? Lee almost shuddered as he pictured how devastated Kara would be. She had loved Zak, she _still_ loved Zak, and Lee couldn't bear the thought of her getting her hopes up only to have them crushed again.

The minutes continued to tick by slowly. All four of them remained silent until the President muttered, "Oh my Gods," and raised one hand over her mouth.

Bill turned to look at her. "What is it, Laura?"

She shook her head in disbelief and lowered her hand. "_Adama is a cylon_."

The other three all looked at her, unsure of what to make of her words.

She turned to look at the Admiral. "It's what the Leoben model told me before I had him thrown out the airlock. I assumed he meant you, Bill. I never even thought…"

She let her sentence hang unfinished. "I'm sorry, I should have said something."

He shook his head. "No. You couldn't have known."

Lee took a second to really look at his father, and realized that he was holding up better than Lee had originally expected. Other than the initial reaction to finding out about Zak, he had remained quite calm and composed. It must be his experience of command that gave him the ability to do that.

A few more agonizing minutes passed, and just as Lee was wondering what the hell Cottle was doing, the doctor reappeared. As if on cue, all four of them stood up expectantly.

"Well," he began. "Everything matches up. He's human."

Lee felt an overwhelming sense of relief and happiness, but before it could even register properly, Kara released her death grip on his hand and hugged him so tightly that he could barely breathe. He hugged her back, pulling her even closer against him.

A few seconds later, Lee felt something wet against his neck and he realized that Kara was crying. Looking over her shoulder at his father, he saw that she wasn't the only one.

"Is he going to be okay?" The Admiral asked, wiping away the tears as if they were an afterthought.

"We're still not one hundred percent sure what was done to them, though it appears that your son will be fine." Even Cottle was smiling. "But it'll be a few days until he wakes up."

Upon hearing the Old Man's question Kara pulled back from the embrace suddenly and wiped her own eyes. "Can we see him?" She asked, almost hesitantly. She was happy, but Lee saw something else written on her face too. It took him a second to place it, but eventually he did—guilt.

Cottle nodded. "Yes, you can sit with him."

* * *

Lee, Kara and the Admiral followed Cottle into the depths of sickbay. The President had excused herself shortly after Cottle's announcement to discuss the follow up of the mission with Tigh. 

Lee watched from behind as glances were passed back and forth between his dad and Kara. They had a special bond over Zak, and Lee had no idea where he fit into that, or if he even did at all.

Cottle pointed them toward one of the cubicles in the back corner that had a curtain drawn around it. His dad entered first, followed closely by Kara, and he came in last.

Lee froze for a moment when he saw Zak on the bed. Even though he'd had time to absorb the concept of his brother being alive, he wasn't fully prepared to see him lying there, especially not after he'd believed he was dead for so long. What worried Lee was how insubstantial Zak looked. He'd always been muscular, but years in a cylon prison had left him frail.

Kara didn't pause at all, and went straight to Zak's side. Lee could see the tears still present in her eyes as she sat down in the chair beside the bed and reached out, taking Zak's limp right hand in hers.

For a second Lee couldn't breathe as another sudden realization hit him. He was losing her. He was losing Kara to his brother. He hadn't even realized it, but somewhere in their time together on Galactica, Lee had come to think of Kara as his. In the past few months he'd fallen in love with her.

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Kara's neck and shoulders ached, but she refused to move. She had been anchored to the same chair for the last four days, and left only if either Lee or the Old Man were there, and then only to make a quick trip to the head.

She still couldn't believe that Zak was alive. For some reason the Gods were giving her a second chance, and she was not going to screw it up.

For what seemed like the millionth time since the mission, Kara reached with one hand and traced her fingers lightly over the curves of Zak's face. She needed reassurance that he was actually there, especially when she'd spent over two years thinking that he was dead.

Kara hadn't been there to witness the viper crash, but she'd seen both the wreckage and what she'd thought was Zak's body before it was buried. It had all seemed so real, enough so that it had haunted her dreams for two years. She didn't know how the cylons had managed to fake his death, and she didn't know why, but at the moment she didn't care. All that mattered to her was that Zak was alive. Her fingers rose once again to caress the side of his face.

She looked at him carefully and thought that maybe there was more color in his cheeks than there had been the day before, but she had been staring at his unconscious form for so long she couldn't be sure. It could be though—Cottle had said that he could wake up at any moment.

Her stomach began to knot, nervousness hitting her full force. She wanted Zak to wake up. She even _needed_ him to wake up, but she dreaded having to tell Zak that she'd passed him from basic flight when he should have failed. She was scared of how he was going to react. His mediocre flying skills had been the one sore spot between them in their relationship, and it was the last thing she wanted to bring up. Once things had turned serious between them, Zak lost his ability to accept any advice she gave him about flying. Whenever she suggested a way for him to improve he would get angry with her. She had hated it so much that eventually she just stopped her suggestions altogether.

Gritting her teeth, she firmed her resolve. She _would_ tell Zak the truth. Keeping a secret like that was only going to jeopardize her second chance, and that wasn't something she was willing to risk.

Kara took a deep breath as she threaded her fingers through Zak's. He loved her, and she just hoped that would be enough to allow him to forgive her.

* * *

The past four days had been exhausting, both physically and emotionally, though more so the latter. Almost every moment that Lee wasn't on duty he sat with Kara, waiting for Zak to wake up. And when it was one of those rare times when he tried to catch some rack time, he could never sleep. Instead he would lie awake, tortured by the feelings he had for Kara. It certainly didn't help that her knee was still injured. It left Lee sleeping in her bunk so that she could have his bottom one. 

Even though he'd had four days to come to terms with his revelation about Kara, the whole thing wasn't any clearer in his head than it had been originally. He loved Kara, that much was glaringly obvious; past that he didn't know anything…

Lee ran his hand wearily over his face and leaned back in his desk chair. He was well and truly frakked. He'd fallen in love with his dead brother's girl, and only realized it after his brother was alive.

He'd known that he wanted her, but he was hardly alone in that—half the men and even some of the women on Galactica wanted Kara. It was the deeper feelings that had blindsided him with brutal force.

Lee had no idea how he was going to deal with it, but he did know one thing—_Kara could never find out_. His newly realized feelings didn't change the fact that she was his best friend. He'd never had a relationship like that before. Kara was the only person who understood him. She accepted him for who he was, faults and all. And Lee knew that if he ever needed anything she would be there for him. She was the one and only constant in his life; he couldn't live without that. If preserving their friendship meant denying his other feelings, then he would—it was a price he was willing to pay.

Just after the midday shift change Lee found himself in the mess, grabbing a mug of coffee. He didn't want any, but he knew that Kara was probably running on nothing again, and she would want some. As he screwed the lid on he sensed someone walk up beside him. When he turned to look he was more than a little surprised to see his father.

"Lee," his father acknowledged him as he reached for the coffee pot.

"Dad, what are you doing here? I thought that you had a meeting with the President right now."

Bill nodded. "I do, but an important call came through from one of the Quorum members, and she had to take it." A half smile crossed his face. "I thought I'd use the opportunity to grab some more coffee."

Lee nodded and watched as his dad added both sugar and cream before stirring the coffee absentmindedly with a spoon. "How are things going?" Lee inquired.

Bill looked at him closely for a second before pointing to an empty table nearby. "Sit," he ordered. "I have time."

Both men sat down, and Bill started to talk. "How much do you know already?"

Lee sighed. "The last I heard three out of the six people we rescued had died, and you'd found one cylon hiding within the fleet."

"Add one more cylon to that. We found another; he called himself Brother Cavil. He was masquerading as a priest on one of the passenger liners until someone recognized the picture we sent out of his human counterpart and turned him in."

Lee's hands tightened on the mug he was holding. He wasn't a religious man, but it still made him angry to know that the cylons would stoop to impersonate a religious figure. "Him and D'anna, the reporter from the fleet news service, that's all the cylons we've found?"

"We sent out pictures of the six people we rescued. All the captains in the fleet have checked their passenger manifests and circulated the pictures around their ships. There were only the two."

"So there were none that looked like Zak?" The words felt odd passing from his lips, but he thought that he might one day be able to get used to the fact that his brother had been used as the genetic base for a cylon model.

Bill shook his head slightly. "None. And we'd already encountered cylon copies of the other three people that you brought back."

Lee nodded. "Shelly Godfrey, Boomer and the doctor Kara described in her mission report from Caprica." Lee hadn't expected that they'd find any of those models, especially since they'd already searched the fleet for them earlier.

So they'd found only two cylons within the fleet. It wasn't a large number, but it was still two less times the cylons could screw them over, and for that Lee was grateful. "Which of the people survived? Other than Zak."

His dad took a sip of his coffee before answering. "The woman who the reporter was modeled after, and the man who Simon was modeled after. Cottle says that they're strong enough to pull through."

Suddenly catching the worried look on his father's face, Lee focused his attention on him. "Dad, what's wrong?"

Bill looked at Lee intently. "Don't you wonder how they did it, and why? We believed Zak was dead for years. We were there at his _funeral_, Lee."

"I know," Lee replied, his throat suddenly tight as he remembered the awful day in is past. "And yeah, I wonder. But we aren't going to know anything until Zak wakes up. He's the only one who can tell us."

Bill nodded. "I just hate thinking of what he must have gone through."

Lee could only nod.

Bill took another drink of his coffee. "Kara thinks they faked his death."

"I know," Lee replied sadly. "I hope she's right."

Bill sighed. "So do I son." He paused for a second. "I can't stand the thought of any other possibility."

Lee nodded, not knowing how else to respond. There was another possibility, even if neither of them wanted to say it aloud. They didn't want to acknowledge that there was a chance that Zak had been cloned and then replaced by a cylon copy, before his supposed death.

* * *

It wasn't much longer until his dad excused himself to return to the President, and Lee found himself walking through the corridors of Galactica, heading for sickbay. His mind was crammed full with thoughts of both Kara and Zak, and it didn't register that someone was calling his name until the third time he heard it. 

"Apollo!"

He stopped and turned around in time to see someone in a flight suit running to catch up with him… Racetrack? He thought that she'd been temporarily transferred to Pegasus. It was only for a few days, but she still shouldn't be aboard.

"Sir," she said as she caught up and stood directly in front of him.

"Racetrack." He tried his best to keep the puzzlement out of his voice.

"Was one of the people you rescued from the cylon ship your brother?"

Lee did a double take. "What?" He asked, now genuinely confused.

"I asked you if your brother was one of the people the cylons were holding prisoner."

Lee could only stand there and stare down at the anxious and hopeful look on Racetrack's face. It wasn't purposely being kept a secret, but as far as Lee knew, only Kara, his father and the Tighs knew about Zak's discovery.

"Was Zak Adama one of the people you rescued?" She asked sharply, nearly out of breath.

"Yes." He didn't know what else to say.

Suddenly Racetrack seemed to lose some of her physical presence as she let out a sigh of relief. For a second Lee could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes. The next thing he knew she was taking off down the hall.

* * *

It was only when Kara felt a warm hand on her shoulder shaking her awake, that she realized she'd dozed off in the first place. Her head instantly snapped up off the bed and she looked at Zak. She let out a breath of anticipation she hadn't been aware she was holding—he was still unconscious. 

Wincing, she sat up in the chair. She looked to her right and saw Lee sitting in a chair beside her. "Sorry," he said quietly. "But I figured you'd hate me if I let you sleep like that."

She smiled at him, still drowsy. "It's okay. I didn't mean to fall asleep." She wasn't sure how long she'd been sleeping like that, her head resting on the bed beside Zak's hand, but her muscles groaned in protest. "Cottle said he should wake up soon."

Lee nodded, but he didn't look happy.

"You okay?" She asked, suddenly concerned.

Startled, he looked up at her. "Yeah, I'm fine." Not giving her time to respond he passed her a coffee mug. "Here." He gave her a small smile and pressed it into her hand, the one that wasn't holding Zak's.

Unconsciously her fingers slipped free from Zak's as she remembered all the other times Lee had been there for her in the past few days. He constantly made sure that she was okay, bringing her food, trying to convince her to get some rest, even bringing her a blanket when she refused to sleep in her rack.

"Thank you," she said softly. "For everything."

Lee nodded; a look that she couldn't read covered his face. "No problem."

She smiled at him tentatively before tucking her legs underneath her on the chair, effectively ignoring the protests of her knee. As they sat in silence, Kara couldn't help but think about the man sitting beside her.

During their time together on Galactica Lee had come to mean a lot to her. He was _Lee_, and that said it all. He was her wingman, best friend, one of the few people she trusted; there were times when she thought he was everything that mattered. But now Zak was alive …

She sighed and leaned her head back to rest on the back of the chair. …And what?

Kara snuck a sideways look at Lee. Her heart clenched and her stomach did this weird thing. It was like she was making a mistake.

She closed her eyes. She was _not_ making a mistake. The Gods had given her a second chance with Zak and she was going to take it. She loved Zak. Lee was her friend. It was as simple as that.

It would have been easier to believe had she not needed to reach forward and hold Zak's hand in order to reassure herself.

* * *

Jealousy flared up as Lee saw Kara slip her hand into Zak's. He pushed it aside, both ashamed and disgusted with himself. What kind of person did it make him if he was jealous of his unconscious brother who had been held as a prisoner of the cylons? He almost felt sick to his stomach. 

But at the same time, he'd give anything to have Kara look at him like that.

An hour or so later his father walked in. He didn't say anything, just acknowledged Lee and Kara with a look before taking his place in the chair on the opposite side of Zak's bed.

Lee turned his gaze to Kara. He watched as her eyes began to fall closed, but only until she forced them back open. When it happened again and again, Lee wished that she'd taken his advice and gotten at least some rack time. Unfortunately his suggestion had fallen on deaf ears—nothing was taking Kara away from Zak's side. He blinked back bitter tears before they had the chance to completely form.

Unable to watch her anymore, Lee looked across the bed at his father. He looked just as tired as Kara, but he was sitting perched on the edge of his chair, also just like her.

It wasn't much longer until Lee found himself looking at Kara once more. He tried to fight the pull, but either he was too tired or deep down he didn't want to. Either way he found himself staring at her, specifically her right hand which was holding Zak's.

The slight movement of his brother's hand against Kara's was so subtle that Lee wasn't sure if it was real or if he'd imagined it. When it happened a second time he knew.

Lee's entire body tensed with anticipation, and his heart began to beat quickly, pounding against his ribcage. All of his exhaustion faded away as adrenaline coursed through his body. Zak was waking up.

At first it was only slight twitches of movement, but now Lee could see his brother stirring in the hospital bed.

Lee looked sideways at Kara, and his heart filled with conflicting emotions. Seeing her happy made him happy, but knowing that he wasn't the reason weighed heavily against his chest. He swallowed forcefully and turned his attention back to Zak. Lee would be happy for Kara, for both of them.

A quiet moan broke through his thoughts, and his attention returned to Zak. He moaned again, and Lee thought he could hear Kara murmuring a prayer under her breath.

Zak's eyes fluttered open. Lee exhaled deeply, and relief flooded his body.

Before either Lee or his dad could say anything, Kara was leaning over Zak and kissing his forehead. Lee could see a few stray tears that escaped and trailed their way down her cheeks.

"It's okay Zak, I'm here," she said softly, her voice clogged with emotion.

When Zak's eyes darted around the room uneasily, Lee knew something was wrong.

"Lee?" He questioned, before turning his head. "Dad?"

Bill nodded, tears in his eyes as well. "Yes, son. We're here."

"What's going on?"

It was Kara who answered. "It's okay, Zak. You're on Galactica. We rescued you from the cylons." She smoothed his overgrown hair out of his face. "You're safe."

Zak's body tensed and he pulled away from Kara, putting as much distance between them as he could without falling off the bed. "Who are you?" His voice was deep and threatening.

Lee turned to look at Kara and he felt his heart breaking for her. She looked so lost. "It's… it's me Zak. Kara." Lee could see the slight tremor in her shoulders before the shaking spread through her entire body.

Zak continued to look at her warily. "I don't know you."

"It's me," she said, her voice breaking over the words. Then she turned to Lee, looking at him for support, pain evident in her eyes.

"Wait," Zak said, not giving Lee a chance to do anything to comfort her. "I do know you." He paused and Lee just caught the look of relief on Kara's face. "Aren't you Lieutenant Thrace?" He turned to look first at Bill and then Lee. "She was my flight instructor."

Lee suddenly felt sick. _No_, Kara did not need this. She'd been through too much; she did not deserve this.

"Kara," he said softly, hoping that he could do anything to soften the blow, but the look on her face told him she already knew. Everything clicked into place, and she knew just as well as he did—the cylons hadn't faked Zak's death, they'd replaced him with a cylon copy.

Before Lee could do anything, Kara was out of her chair and running as fast as she could for the exit from sickbay.

Standing up he called after her, "Kara!" It was too late—she was already gone.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Cottle came in less than two seconds after Kara left and declared that Zak was going to be fine. Lee started asking questions, specifically trying to figure out when and why the cylons had cloned Zak and then replaced him with a cylon copy. He was hoping that he'd be able to find out something, anything that would help him help Kara. But as soon as he started, Zak interrupted with his own inquiries. Even through his grogginess he was demanding to know how he'd made it onto Galactica. When Zak claimed that he'd only known Kara for a couple weeks and insisted on knowing why she'd been at his bedside when he woke up, Lee knew he had to leave.

He didn't have time to wait for his dad to explain it all to his brother, so he headed for the sickbay exit. The need to find Kara was the most pressing thought in his mind. He left in much the same manner Kara had—fast and ignoring the protests of the people he was leaving behind him. Despite his conflicting emotions, it hadn't been a hard decision to make. He'd seen the look on Kara's face before she left and he knew that he needed to find her.

First he tried the places relatively close to sickbay: the mess and the rec room. He honestly didn't expect to find her someplace so public, but he did check, just in case. Then he headed toward the bunkroom. Finding it empty he checked the pilots' head next, and then the ready room.

With every place he didn't find her, Lee became more and more worried. He didn't know exactly what would be going through her mind, or how she was feeling, but he knew that whatever it was, it would be completely overwhelming. She needed to know that she didn't have to deal with it by herself, that he would help her get through this.

He tried his best to think of where she might be, but he was drawing a blank. Suddenly he remembered her fascination for watching the stars and he turned on his heel and headed for the observation deck. The days when the CAP had put on performances for onlookers were long gone, and now it was rare to find anyone there at all.

Lee ran fast, fueled by a burning urge to find her as soon as possible. He was out of breath by the time he reached the hatch, but he didn't stop. It took a little while for his eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room, which was in stark contrast to the fluorescent lights that lined the halls of the ship. He scanned the room and cursed under his breath when there was no one seated by the large window.

"Looking for someone?" A voice to his left asked. Lee jumped and turned to see who it was.

"Helo?" He inquired. The figure in the corner seat stood up and nodded. "I'm looking for Kara," Lee said. "Have you seen her?"

Helo walked toward him. "Isn't she with Zak?"

Lee shook his head, only half listening to the other man. He was already trying to think of where else she might be.

"What's going on?" Karl asked, obviously picking up on the fact that something was wrong.

"Zak's not… Listen Helo, I don't have time for this. I need to find Kara. I checked the bunkroom, the ready room, the mess, the head…"

"What about the hangar deck?"

Lee could have hit himself—of course that was the one place where Kara might seek refuge. He couldn't believe his own stupidity, but he shoved the thought aside as soon as it sprang into his head. His own inadequacies were not important now.

"Thanks, Helo," he called over his shoulder as he made his way out the hatch. He heard Karl's questions following him, but he didn't stop to answer them.

He made it to the hangar deck in what he figured was record time. It wasn't a busy as normal, but it was one of the few places on the ship where people were always working. He quickly looked around, but all he saw were deckhands and the three pilots on alert. Lee turned to where the vipers were kept, and he spotted Kara's right away, but she was nowhere near it. _Frak._

His fists clenched in frustration. Even on a ship the size of Galactica, there were only so many places someone could be. Suddenly the memory of how Kara had looked before leaving sickbay surfaced in his mind. Lee had never seen her look like that before: crushed, like her entire world had fallen apart around her. His resolve to find her solidified—it wasn't an option.

He saw Cally working on a viper not far away, and he jogged over. If he had to ask every person on the ship if they'd seen Kara, then he would.

Cally must have noticed him because she wheeled herself out from under the bird and stood up. "Sir."

"Have you seen Starbuck?" He asked quickly, forgoing all preamble.

Cally nodded. "I didn't see her come down, but only five or ten minutes ago I saw her leave the supply room." A worried look crossed her face and Lee felt his heart rate quicken. "She didn't look so good Sir. I think she'd been drinking."

Lee's chest tightened; he needed to find her _now_. "Did you see where she went?"

Cally turned and pointed toward the walkway that overlooked the hangar deck. "She climbed up there. I think she was heading for C-Deck, but I can't be sure."

Lee's thoughts started racing. C-Deck… there was nothing there except for… He took off at a dead run, his heart pounding against his ribs. The only thing on C-Deck was a small-arms locker.

* * *

Kara stumbled into the small arms locker and headed for one of the six storage units inside. The only problem was that it was weaving in and out of her vision; she tripped more than a few times as she tried to get there without falling down. It hadn't been that long since she'd downed the first jar of rotgut, but it was potent stuff that worked quickly when combined with fatigue and an empty stomach. 

She leaned against the unit heavily as she struggled with the lock. When it took her nearly five minutes to remember the combination she realized just how intoxicated she was. She shook her head trying to clear it, but she remained in a pain filled daze.

The alcohol had barely numbed the hurt, but she needed it gone. She squinched her eyes closed as her chest tightened and tears burned at the back of her eyes. Images flashed through her mind, all her memories of Zak. Those had been some of the best times of her life, but they seemed as if they were all a lie. She clenched her hands tight enough that her nails dug into the skin of her palms and drew blood.

She knew that she was supposed to be Starbuck, the exalted tough pilot, but right now she wasn't. Instead she was just Kara, a broken woman in pain. She had dealt with physical pain all her life, but this wasn't physical pain, and she had no idea how to deal with the emotional kind. It was threatening to overwhelm her and she didn't know how to handle it, but she did know one way to make it stop completely.

Reaching in, Kara pulled out the first gun her hand touched, along with a box of bullets. She let go of the locker and opened the box, but as soon as she no longer had the support of the locker she fell to the ground. The box hit the deck with a loud clang and bullets scattered everywhere.

She pushed herself into a sitting position, the gun still clutched tightly in her grasp. With a shaking hand she grabbed the closest bullet and loaded the gun. She turned the safety off, and just before she was about to raise it she remembered something. The last time she'd held a gun like this she'd been lying on the deck of the firing range next to Lee. Her eyes fell closed, and for a moment she could have sworn that she felt the warmth of his hand wrapped around hers, a stark contrast to the cold metal of the gun against her clammy skin.

Her resolve began to falter. What would he think of her if she went through with this, if she killed herself? Her hands began to shake harder. Oh Gods, what if he was the one to find her body? Her throat tightened, and for a second she couldn't breathe. A single hot tear rolled down her cheek. The only way to make the pain stop was to do this… but she didn't know if she could. She did not want her last action in life to be something that would hurt him, not after everything.

* * *

When Lee opened the hatch to the small arms locker he stopped dead in his tracks. Kara was sitting beside an open storage unit, directly across from the hatch. There were bullets scattered all around her, and an empty ammunition box was by her feet. But none of that was as shocking as the gun in her hand. For a moment he began to panic. Whatever pain he'd felt when he thought he was losing Kara to Zak was nothing compared to what he felt knowing that he might lose her for good. 

Lee took one slow step forward. "Kara," he said, trying hard to keep his voice soft despite how much it was shaking.

Startled she looked up at him and opened her eyes. His heart broke when he saw how much pain she was in; it was etched in every line on her face.

"You don't want to do this Kara." He kept his voice gentle and he took another step towards her.

She shook her head, but Lee didn't know if that meant she was disagreeing or not. "I was involved with a cylon." Her words slurred together, but Lee could still make them out. He was surprised at how lifeless her voice sounded.

"You didn't know…"

"I fell in love with a cylon." She stared straight at him and tears began to run down her face.

Lee wished he could prove her wrong, but he couldn't. He didn't know the exact time that Zak had been switched, but he believed it was before Kara had ever gotten involved with him. If they'd been together first, then Zak would have remembered her upon waking up, at least more than just a vague recollection of her being his flight instructor.

"You couldn't have known…" He took another step towards her, eyes darting back and forth between her face and the gun cradled in her lap.

"I was engaged to a cylon!" Her voice became angry and she was barely able to choke out the words.

Lee froze momentarily. Engaged?

She must have seen the question on his face. "We were going to tell everyone on his next break." A sob caught in her throat and her gaze dropped down to her lap. "But none of that matters, because it wasn't real." Her hand tightened around the gun.

Lee saw the movement and closed the final distance between them and knelt down in front of her. "Kara, give me the gun," he pleaded.

She turned her tear-stained face upward and after a second her eyes focused on him. It was like something clicked, because one moment she was holding the gun and the next she had thrown it across the room.

Lee felt relief flood through his veins, but the feeling was quickly replaced by worry when Kara hugged her knees to her chest and curled in on herself. Violent sobs began to wrack her body.

Lee moved so that he was sitting beside her. He wrapped his arm around her shaking shoulders and tugged her close against his side. She surprised him when she turned to wrap her arms around his torso and bury her face in his neck. He held on tightly and buried his face in her hair while she cried. It wasn't long before he felt his cheeks becoming damp as well.

Wishing he could do more, Lee began to rub his hand up and down Kara's back. "I'm here Kara," he whispered into her hair. "Whatever you need, I'm here."

He continued to hold her close until her tears stopped and her breathing calmed. As reluctant as he was to break the embrace, he knew they couldn't stay there all night. "Come on," he said quietly as he pulled back. "We should get you to the bunkroom."

She nodded at him, her eyes barely focusing on his face. He stood up before helping Kara to her feet. When she leaned almost all of her weight on him, he became more alarmed. He knew that she was drunk, but he'd never seen her this out of it before.

Lee made sure to wrap one of her arms securely around his shoulders before placing his own around her waist. They started for the bunkroom, but it was slow going. Every second step Kara stumbled and he had to hold her up.

He was glad when they reached the bunkroom. Kara was leaning against him more than at the start and he thought she might pass out at any moment. Lee opened the hatch and was relieved to find all the bunks empty. The rest of the pilots were either in the rec room or on CAP.

Kara had remained silent the entire way back form the arms locker, and when they made it to his bunk she sat down heavily. One look at her glazed eyes told him he was right about her being on the verge of passing out. He knelt down on the deck and took off her boots, placing them beside her locker. Kara's hands automatically went to her belt and she tried to take of her dress pants. Reaching up, Lee helped her slip out of them too.

He wasn't surprised when seeing Kara sitting on his bunk in only underwear and tanks didn't cause the normal stir of longing. Those feelings didn't matter right now, not when she was hurting so much. He'd known Kara for a long time, but he'd never seen her like this, quiet and withdrawn. It scared him, because that was not who she was, in fact she was anything but.

Lee pulled the covers back on his bunk and Kara slipped in, slightly favoring her injured knee. He moved to close the curtain, but stopped when he felt her hand on his arm. "Stay," she said so quietly that he barely heard her.

Not knowing what else to do Lee nodded before kicking off his own boots and stripping down to his tanks and boxer. He slid in beside her, making sure to shut the curtain. He lay on his back and turned his head to look at her. She rolled over and formed herself against his side, tucking her head underneath his chin and draping one arm over his chest. Lee wrapped his arm around her shoulders, holding her close.

He nearly jumped when he heard her quiet voice. "He was the only person who ever loved me."

Lee shook his head and held her closer. "That's not true," he whispered into her hair, barely able to get the words out. "_I_ love you."

Kara didn't say anything, but she held onto him tighter, clutching at his tanks. He had no idea if she would remember what he'd said come morning, or if she'd even heard him in the first place, but at that exact moment it didn't matter. What was important was making sure that Kara was all right.

It wasn't long before her breathing slowed and she fell asleep. Lee tenderly brushed a stray piece of hair out of her face. He wished there was some way that he could take away all of her pain. Knowing there wasn't, he silently vowed to do anything he could to help her get through this. She was his best friend and he wasn't going to let her down, not when she needed him the most.

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Kara let out a quiet moan the next morning. Her eyes fluttered open and the fluorescent light shining through the crack of the curtain hit her with full force, causing a sharp, stabbing pain deep in the back of her skull. She winced and inhaled sharply before slamming her eyelids shut. It helped a little, but it did nothing for the heavy pressure that made her head feel like it was going to explode.

She turned to bury her face in the pillow, but the second she realized her head wasn't lying on a pillow she sat bolt upright in bed. Seeing Lee sleeping beside her drove away all thoughts of the headache and made her pull back until she was pressed against the bulkhead, not able to go any further. Instantly she began to panic, her mind reeling as she strove to remember what had happened the night before.

The memory of Zak waking up and not recognizing her slammed into her mind. Her chest began to tighten and she couldn't breathe as a rush of memories came back to her: running out of sickbay, finding the Chief's stash of brew, binging, and then heading for C-Deck. After that things got extremely blurry, but there was only one place on C-Deck that she could have been headed for.

She shut her eyes at the flood of events, and opened them only to find unwanted tears streaming down her face. She brushed them away harshly with the heel of her hand. The tears stopped but she had a feeling that the pain was only beginning.

Her gaze fell upon Lee's sleeping form and panic threatened to seize hold of her again. Had she ruined their friendship? Had she used him to make the pain go away? She shuddered, not able to bear the thought. Wrapping her arms tightly around her torso, she tried to figure things out. It took her a second to realize that her hands were clutching at tanks. Looking down at Lee again she saw that he was wearing tanks too.

A heavy sigh of relief escaped her. _They hadn't slept together._ When her mind started working again she chastised herself for even considering it. She couldn't remember the last part of the night, but even if she had thrown herself at Lee, he wouldn't have let her ruin their friendship like that.

It wasn't long until her thoughts returned to Zak. Her headache returned, amplified by the confusion of her past. The once pleasant memories of the time she'd spent with him were now tainted by the knowledge that at some point he'd been replaced by a cylon copy. She didn't know when it had happened, but she was almost certain that she'd never even known the real Zak.

Her head was pounding even harder, and the hangover in combination with her distress was causing tears to pool at the corner of her eyes. In a burst of frustration she pulled back the curtain and climbed over Lee to stand on the cold metal deck. She needed to get out of there, to go somewhere and _try_ to clear her head. It had only been minutes since she'd woken up, but she knew that she couldn't live like this—her mind in overdrive, feeling like her heart was being torn into a million pieces.

Kara pulled on a pair of shorts and took a painkiller from her locker before leaving the bunkroom as fast as she could manage. Within two minutes she found herself entering the pilots' head, and in another minute she was standing naked in front of the spray of the shower. She cranked up the hot water to almost an unbearable level before tilting her head back and letting the water wash the dried tears from her face.

She scrubbed at her body with the harsh standard soap, trying to physically wash away all her memories of Zak. When that didn't work she let the water sluice down every inch of her skin while she tried to think about something else.

For a while she simply focused on nothing, banishing all thoughts and feelings from her mind, leaving her an empty shell. It only worked until previously forgotten memories of the night before began to seep back in through the mental walls she had erected.

At first it was just glimpses of moments, flashes really, but it wasn't enough to create a coherent picture. Then, whether by her will or not, more of the pieces started to fit together and she could remember events, but not specifics. She _had_ gone to the small arms locker on C-Deck, intent on killing herself, at least until her thoughts had turned to Lee. The thought of letting him down, of making him regret their friendship was nearly crippling. With a sober mind she realized that she wouldn't have gone through with it even while intoxicated, not when Lee's happiness had been on the line.

More and more memories came until she remembered Lee finding her and then holding her as she'd broken down.

_"I'm here for you Kara, whatever you need, I'm here."_

A flush of embarrassment colored her cheeks, but at the same time she couldn't help but feel privileged. She didn't deserve Lee, but she had him nonetheless. His support might be the only thing that would allow her to possibly get through this.

She vaguely remembered making it back to the bunkroom, Lee supporting her limp body the entire way. She had no idea how they'd both ended up in the same bunk. That part of the night was still foggy. She frantically tried to clutch at fragmented memories, but they slipped away. She struggled harder, and for a second she thought she heard Lee's voice.

_"_I_ love you."_

Her eyes flew open in shock and she coughed as she inhaled water. Her heart began to pound fast against her ribcage. Had Lee actually said that? She shook her head once, but stopped when the movement made her see stars. No, he couldn't have. She must have imagined it. Her mind was telling her what she wanted hear.

She pounded her fist against the shower wall in frustration. The absolute last thing she needed was to let those feelings surface. Lee was the only person she had left.

Kara turned off the shower and groaned. Her life was so frakked up. She ran her hands over her face, but stopped when the metal of Zak's ring seemed to burn a line down her face. She pulled it off and threw it as hard as she could. The thin band bounced off the shower stall and landed by her feet. She couldn't do anything but stare at it, another reminder that her entire world had been turned upside down with only a few words from a barely conscious man.

Suddenly, all the pain was replaced by a surge of uncontrollable anger. The cylons had tricked her; they'd used her vulnerability to suit their own twisted purposes, whatever they may be. Something snapped inside of her and she punched the metal shower divider. The sound of her fist making contact echoed through the head. When she pulled her hand back she saw that the pressure of the blow had split the skin over three of her knuckles. The cuts stung and her hand was throbbing.

Then, as quickly as the anger had come, it was gone; without a second of respite the pain returned. The transition was abrupt and deeply unsettling. Kara knew she was falling apart, but she had no idea how to stop it.

* * *

When Lee woke up to an empty bed he couldn't help but panic. Kara was nowhere to be seen and if he hadn't known better he would have thought she'd never been there at all. He mentally berated himself and hastily got out of bed—he shouldn't have let himself fall asleep at all.

As he pulled on his BDUs he tried to determine the most likely place for her to be. Kara was hard to predict normally and now he had no idea what logic, or lack thereof, would be driving her thoughts. He crammed his feet into his boots without bothering to lace them up and headed for the hatch. He was only halfway to the door when it opened and Kara stepped through. Lee stopped dead in his tracks and a nearly overpowering rush of relief hit him. 

Just like the night before the relief was replaced by worry when the look on her face registered in his mind. Her features were hard, cold and blank, except for her eyes. Normally green, a myriad of turbulent emotions had turned them dark.

Their gazes locked for a few seconds and Lee could see her façade beginning to falter. It was only for a second though, because the next thing he knew she'd brushed past him and opened her locker. He heard the sound of paper tearing and when he turned around he noticed that the picture of him, Kara and Zak was no longer stuck in the corner of her mirror.

Lee shut his eyes and wished again that there was something he could do to stop her from having to go through this. The situation was bad enough to begin with, but in addition there were constant reminders of her life with Zak all around.

"Are you going to see Zak today?"

Her voice was so quiet that Lee barely heard it. His eyes flew open and he stepped up beside her. She hadn't moved and was still looking into the back of her locker. "At some point," he responded softly, a hint of hesitation creeping into his voice.

"I need you to do something for me." Lee could tell she was trying desperately to keep her voice flat and void of emotion, and most people would have believed it, but he knew better.

"Anything," he said earnestly. He stared at her, awaiting a response as she continued to stare blankly into her locker.

He saw her swallow before saying, "I need you to give this to him."

She turned and held out her hand. When he placed his palm face up underneath her fist, she opened her fingers and something small fell onto his hand. He felt his heart constrict the second he realized it was Zak's ring.

"Kara, I…" He exhaled, not knowing how to finish his thought.

"Please, Lee."

He nodded immediately. He could rarely deny Kara anything, and now, with the pleading in her voice, it was impossible. "Okay." After tucking the ring in his pocket he reached out to pull her into a hug.

Her body remained stiff only for a fraction of a second before she sank into the embrace, almost clinging onto him. He held her tightly as she angled her face into the side of his neck. He wanted to say something, but he knew that words weren't going to offer her any comfort right now. Instead he began to run one hand lightly up and down her back, but the second he started she tensed and pulled away.

Lee's thoughts immediately flew back to the night before and he wondered if she remembered what he'd said. Looking at her face now he had no way of knowing. There were so many emotions swirling in her eyes that he couldn't pick out a single one. But whether she remembered or not, he'd take his cues from her, because helping her was the only thing that mattered right now.

"I have to go." Her voice was back to the fake calm, and she shut her locker before walking across the room.

"Where are you going?" He questioned, the fear evident in his voice as he jogged after her.

She sighed and her shoulders drooped. "I have a maintenance shift," she explained without looking at him.

Lee shook his head emphatically. "No, I'll find someone to cover for you."

"No," she stated. "I need something to… Just no." She opened the hatch and began to step through.

"Kara…"

She turned and looked at him, her feelings poking through the mask. "Thank you," she said quietly. "For everything you did…" She paused, taking a deep breath. "But I need to go." She inhaled again. "Lee, please…"

Her eyes pleaded with him and he nodded. He'd been in that place not so long ago, when all he'd wanted was the distraction of work in order to make him forget about everything else.

"Thank you," she said sincerely, before slipping through the hatch.

Lee watched her go, not knowing what else he could do other than be there for her unconditionally.

* * *

Despite how uncomfortable sickbay beds were, Zak couldn't help but enjoy his. After spending over two years in cylon holding cells and cold medical facilities, his current bed was almost perfect. Of course it was nothing compared to a real rack, or his bed at home on Caprica, but it had been so long that he barely even remembered what a real bed felt like.

He sank deeper into the pillows and almost cursed when he felt the familiar drowsy sensation begin to wash over him. He hated feeling week and useless, especially when the cylons had put him in that position. Anger simmered underneath the surface, but instead of reacting he took deep breaths, trying to make it go away. His anger at the cylons had never done him much good in the past, and now that he was finally free of them it was even more useless. Unfortunately, his logical thoughts alone couldn't stop the feeling. He figured it would be something that he'd live with until the day he died. 

A smile crept onto his face. For years he'd thought his life would end on that basestar. Now he had a chance at life again. It wouldn't be the same one he'd left behind, not by any means. He'd lost everything when the cylons captured him, but he would take what he could get with complete and utter gratitude. The fact that both his brother and his father had survived the cylon attacks and ensuing war was a miracle.

His thoughts turned back to the day before. To say that he'd been shocked when he'd woken up would be an understatement. The last thing he remembered was a cylon injecting him with some sort of coma-inducing drug, and the next thing he knew he was waking up in Galactica's sickbay, staring up at the faces of his brother and his father, both of whom he'd thought were dead.

A woman had been there too—Lieutenant Thrace. He'd only been in basic flight for two weeks before the cylons captured him, so he hadn't remembered her at first. When she'd first leant over and kissed his forehead he'd briefly thought that it was the girlfriend he'd left behind on Caprica, but soon enough he'd realized that the woman hovering over him had blonde hair not brown.

He hadn't mean to react so violently, but the groggy daze he'd been in had caused him to respond that way. He'd been so confused as to what was going on that he'd demanded immediate answers. His father had willingly obliged, explaining important details slowly so that Zak could get his bearings. Lee on the other hand had left sickbay at a sprint, obviously going off in search of Lieutenant Thrace, or Kara, as his dad had called her.

She'd been the subject of a few of his questions, but his father hadn't answered those ones. He seemed to think it was best if Lee explained all of that to him. Zak had initially been angry at the lack of clarity, but his father had explained that Lee knew Kara better than anyone else on the ship, and he was the best source of information, so Zak had let it go. He wondered when exactly Lee was going to drop by sickbay to see him.

The last thought floated around his mind as he became drowsier. His body threatened to drift off into sleep, until he heard the sound of the curtain sliding open around his cubicle.

Zak forced his heavy eyelids open and saw his brother standing there with a tentative smile. "Lee."

"Hi, Zak."

In spite of being sleepy and having not spent time with his brother in years, Zak automatically knew there was something wrong. He also knew by the look on Lee's face that it might be best not to press the matter. Zak pointed to the empty chair beside him as he pushed himself upright in bed. Lee gave him another small smile before taking a seat.

"Look, Zak…" Lee sighed. "I'm sorry that I ran out of here yesterday, but… I needed to find Kara." Lee's face was filled with emotion and his entire body looked tense.

"It's fine," Zak replied. "Is she, uh, is she okay?"

Lee shook his head before running his hands over his face wearily. "No." A few seconds passed and then Lee reached into his pants pocket and pulled something out. He held it out for Zak to take.

Zak stared in bewilderment at the silver ring lying in the palm of Lee's hand.

"Kara asked me to give this to you."

Zak reached over and picked up the ring, feeling the once familiar cold metal between his fingertips. He hadn't seen his ring in years, not since the cylons had taken it from him. It must have only been hours after they'd kidnapped him. He'd been on his way back to the dorms after a night at the bar. "How did she get this?" He asked, turning his gaze up to look at Lee.

He watched as confusion clouded his brother's features. "What do you mean? Didn't Dad tell you?"

Zak shook his head. "He told me about a lot of stuff, like how you managed to survive, and how I was rescued, but he wouldn't tell me about Lieutenant Thrace. He said it would be better for you to explain it."

Lee exhaled slowly as he leaned back in his chair. "When did the cylons take you?"

Zak shrugged. "Maybe two weeks into basic flight."

"So you were never involved with Kara?"

Zak gave Lee an odd look. "No," he stated adamantly. "I had a girlfriend before the cylons kidnapped me. We'd been dating for almost a year."

He did his best to keep his voice level and not dwell on thoughts of the woman he'd wanted to spend the rest of his life with and what might have become of her, but it was hard. Thinking of her, and picturing what kind of life they could have had together was what had kept him sane during his cylon imprisonment.

Zak shook his head slightly, bringing himself away from things that would never be and back to the present. "Why would you think we were involved?"

Lee sighed. "Kara was engaged to you, or at least she thought she was."

Zak suddenly remembered something that had happened over two years ago. "I saw him."

"You saw who?" Lee questioned, leaning forward in his chair.

"The cylon that replaced me. It was only once, years ago. He told me a bunch of things and I'd almost forgotten them." Zak paused, one hundred percent sure that Lee didn't want to hear the rest, but knowing that he should.

"He said he was flawed, that he didn't accept the cylon plan. He knew that what he'd been doing was wrong, so he'd sabotaged his mission." Zak paused for a second, trying to remember the rest of what he'd been told. "He kept going on about a woman with a special destiny. The cylons wanted her for some reason, and his mission… I think his mission was to make her fall in love with him."

Zak felt another surge of anger at the cylons. He didn't know Kara, but she didn't deserve to have her feelings played like that. "I'm sorry." He didn't know what else to say.

Lee swore under his breath. "Me too," he admitted quietly. He looked up, and Zak could see his own anger reflected in his brother's eyes a hundredfold, but there was something else there as well. Then Lee schooled his face and the emotions were nearly gone. "I'm sorry Zak, I didn't mean to throw this all on you."

Zak shook his head. "It's okay Lee. I'm not five anymore. I can handle it."

"How are _you_?" Lee questioned, obviously concerned.

Zak gave him a smile. "A hell of a lot better than I was a week ago. Thanks, by the way, for saving me."

Lee smiled faintly. "Don't mention it."

Zak wasn't sure how long they talked, but it must have been hours because by the end his throat was getting sore and he was having a hard time staying awake. He'd missed Lee more than he could explain, but that didn't change how weak he was. Reluctantly he told Lee that he needed to get some rest.

"Of course," Lee said hastily as he stood up from his chair. "Gods, I'm sorry Zak."

"Don't apologize. It was great."

Lee smiled at him and Zak could tell that his brother's thoughts were straying to something, or someone else. They hadn't explicitly talked about Kara beyond her being engaged to his cylon copy, but Zak had a pretty good idea as to what was going on between the two of them. He'd always been able to read Lee, and he was glad to see that he hadn't lost that touch.

He doubted there was anything openly going on between his brother and Kara; Lee was too noble for that, especially given that he'd thought she was his dead brother's fiancée. But underneath the surface, Zak knew Lee had feelings for her.

He also knew that if a person was lucky enough to find love, they needed to hold onto it no matter what. It was something to be cherished; every second counted. Zak only wished that he'd realized that fully in the past. He regretted every single moment that he hadn't spent with Maggie when he'd had the chance. Now that was gone, but he wouldn't let Lee make the same mistake.

"Lee?"

"Yeah?"

"You should go and find her. Make sure she's okay."

Lee looked at him somberly. "I was already planning on it."

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Maggie tossed and turned in her bunk, unable to sleep yet again. No matter what she did, she couldn't stop fixating on the fact that Zak was alive. She shouldn't care, not after what he'd done to her, but she couldn't help herself. They had had something real, something people spent a lifetime looking for. If someone had asked her any time during the year they'd dated, she would have said that he was _the one_. They'd made plans _their _future, and she knew that he'd felt the same way about her… at least until he met Starbuck.

She clenched her fists just thinking about the _other woman_, the woman who Zak obviously thought was better for him than her. It hurt to remember exactly how quickly she'd gone from being the center of his world, to just another cadet at the Academy. She'd never really been into big romantic gestures, but with Zak it had been different. He made her feel like she was the most important woman in the world. The second she became accustomed to it, he dumped her.

Their breakup had come as a complete shock. Everything had been going great between them. The only thing she could think of that might have spurred his actions was the discussion they had about him switching to raptors. Zak hadn't wanted to be a viper pilot. He'd only enrolled in vipers because of his father and brother. Maggie had suggested he switch to raptors and become an ECO since he seemed to have a natural understanding of the instruments. She knew Zak, and she knew that being an ECO would make him much happier than being a viper jock ever would, but he wasn't quick to agree. She knew that deep down he realized it was the truth, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to let his father down like that.

They had disagreed over it, but never in a million years had she thought that it would drive Zak away. One night he didn't come back to the dorms, and she'd been worried sick. She spent the entire weekend trying to track him down, terrified that something had happened to him. She never managed to find him, but about an hour before his first class of the week he'd shown up outside her dorm room. She couldn't remember feeling more relieved in her entire life, but when she'd tried to show him that he wouldn't let her. Instead he'd gone into some speech about how she wasn't the right person for him. She didn't remember any of the words exactly because the whole time she'd stood there reeling from shock.

Two days later she saw him in the local bar, hitting on his flight instructor.

Even thinking back on it she couldn't help but feel like something about their breakup was wrong. Zak Adama was not a cold-hearted man who would break up with someone just for a fling with his flight instructor.

In spite of all that, she couldn't stop thinking about him. She'd never been able to move on, and now he was here, alive and on Galactica. All she wanted to do was to make sure that he was okay. She hated herself for needing to know.

Sighing, she pushed herself upright and turned on the small lamp on the shelf above her bed. Checking her watch she saw that it was only 23:00. The CAG would still be up, probably doing paperwork in his office. She was tempted to go and find him, to ask him about Zak.

The only thing stopping her was the knowledge that Zak didn't need her anymore, he'd made that clear years ago. He had his precious Starbuck to look after him, not to mention both his father and brother.

It didn't prevent her from worrying though. Just thinking of how his death had been faked and he'd been kept a prisoner of the cylons made her feel sick to her stomach. She felt like punching the bulkhead as she realized that she wasn't going to get any rest until she at least knew he was okay.

Angrily she flicked off her light and slipped out of her bunk.

* * *

Lee rubbed at the knot of tension between his shoulder blades, but no matter how hard he massaged the muscles with his fingertips, they wouldn't relax. He gave up and leaned back in his desk chair, picking up the flight schedule and skimming it over for any possible mistakes. Normally he'd have Kara go over it for him, but not now. He knew that she was barely holding herself together as it was. 

For what seemed like the billionth time since last week, Lee wished that he could spare her from what she was going through. Every time he looked at her she just seemed so lost. The normal Starbuck bravado was gone, and all that was left was a confused Kara. Half the time she was withdrawn, too quiet and lackluster. The other half she was angry at anyone and everyone, picking fights with other pilots and pulling dangerous stunts on CAP.

He was so scared that she was going to get herself killed that all he wanted to do was revoke her flight status, but every time he took out the form to sign, he couldn't make the pen move across the paper. He kept remembering the conversation they'd had in the rec room.

He had just admitted to her that he'd let go of the hole in his flight suit. She shocked the hell out of him by revealing that at one point in her life she had tried to kill herself. She said that as stupid as it sounded, everyone needed a reason to go on. Hers had been flying.

Lee sighed in frustration as he braced his elbows on the desk of his office. As the CAG he should revoke her flight status; her flying was irresponsible, but as her friend he just couldn't take that away from her. The compromise he came up with was promising himself that the moment her recklessness started to endanger others he would do what he had to, but for the moment it was only herself that she was endangering. As long as he made sure that he was always in the air at the same time as her, as long as he was always her wingman, it would be okay. So far it was working. He just hoped it would last.

The cylons were hitting them hard and frequently. The destruction of the resurrection ship had slowed them down, made them cautious, but it seemed like stealing six of their human model prototypes had only served to rekindle the cylon attacks on the fleet. Lee couldn't help but feel slightly proud, knowing that they'd hit the cylons where it hurt, but it didn't make up for what came with the increasing number of cylon attacks. They'd lost more pilots in the last week than they had in total since the resurrection ship mission. It only served to make his already difficult job harder.

For the past few weeks Kara's knee injury had prevented her from flying, and she'd been doing most of the CAG paperwork. With Kara up in the air again after Cottle's all clear, Lee was left with it once more. Normally he didn't mind, but trying to keep up with his paperwork, looking after Kara, visiting Zak and dealing with the cylon attacks was turning out to be more of a balancing act than he'd thought it would be.

Lee couldn't help but smile a bit as he thought of Zak. There were times when he felt guilty about having regained his brother, especially when he looked at Kara and saw how lost she was, but even that couldn't stop the happiness he felt over having his brother around. They'd been close growing up, and losing Zak had caused Lee more pain that he'd thought possible at the time. It was sudden and there were so many things that Lee wished he'd said or done differently, so many regrets, but now he had the chance to fix that.

He still cringed to think that the cylons had fooled them so well. Lee hadn't spent that much time with the cylon copy of his brother, but he had spent some, and he still couldn't believe that he hadn't noticed anything unusual. The first time Lee had gone to visit Zak at the Academy, he had seemed different, but Lee had thought that was because of Kara. Realistically Lee knew that he never could have known that the man he'd thought was his brother had actually been a cylon. Back then they hadn't even known that human model cylons existed, but it didn't stop him from feeling like he had failed his Zak.

A few days ago when he was talking to Zak, that slipped out, and his brother had insisted that he not to blame himself for what happened. Lee knew Zak was right, but he couldn't shake the feeling. He was Zak's older brother, he was supposed to protect and look after him.

Looking back down at the unfinished documents spread across his desk, Lee sighed. He was half-tempted to leave them for the next day, and simply turn in for the night, but considering how hectic things had been of late he knew that was worst course of action. Buckling down, Lee sat up in his chair and forced himself to open the binder of supply logs.

If he really focused he could be done in an hour, maybe two. Then he could head to the bunkroom to check on Kara. Only after that would he catch some rack time.

* * *

Three times on her way to the CAG's office Maggie almost turned back. It was stupid, asking the CAG about Zak. But if she wanted to know, there were only three people to ask and she wasn't going to talk to either the Admiral or Starbuck. Maybe he wouldn't answer her, or think she was crazy for asking, but she _had_ to try. 

Taking a deep breath she knocked sharply on the hatch. For a second there was no reply, and she thought that maybe he wasn't up after all. Just as she was about to turn and leave, she heard a begrudging "Come in" from the other side of the hatch. She slowly turned the wheel and opened the hatch, surprised to see how much her hands were shaking.

"Sir, can I talk to you for a minute?" She asked as she stood in front of his desk hesitantly

The CAG looked up from his paperwork and Maggie immediately noticed how tired he looked. She knew that things had been hard for all the pilots lately, but it was glaringly obvious that he was stretching himself too thin.

"Racetrack, if you're here about the schedule, I'm sorry, but I needed someone to cover Skulls' rotation. I know you were due for some down time, but with the cylons attacking us like they are—"

"—That's fine Sir, but that's not why I'm here."

"Oh?"

"Sir, I just wanted to know…how's Zak?"

He hesitated, "…He's fine, but still in sickbay. Cottle's not sure how much longer he's going to keep him. Why do you ask?"

"I just… I heard that some of the people we rescued weren't doing so well. I wanted to make sure he was okay." She almost bit her tongue as the last words slipped out of her mouth.

"Did you know Zak before the attacks?"

She had to answer him, but there was no way in hell that she was telling him the truth. The last thing she wanted was for Zak to think that she was hung up on him after all these years, even if that was the truth.

"We were in the same year the Academy."

"You should stop by sickbay sometime then. I'm sure he's going crazy in there with only the Admiral and me for company." The absence of Starbuck's name on the list didn't slip past Maggie unnoticed.

"Maybe." She rushed out of there before the CAG started asking more questions.

* * *

"_Honey, I'm home!"_

_Kara rolled her eyes at Zak's antics. Gods, when was he going to learn that it wasn't funny, especially when they were trying to keep things under the radar?_

"_Miss me?" He asked as he stepped behind her and placed a gentle kiss on her neck as he watched her make instant mashed potatoes._

"_No," she said, her tone teasing. She was barely able to contain the giggle that threatened to emerge. She wanted to kick herself; he was turning her into such a girl._

"_Right," he murmured against her pulse point. She could feel his lips breaking into a smile against her skin. "I didn't miss you either." His hands tightened around her waist as he pulled her closer, his actions implying the exact opposite of his words._

"_Zak, I'm trying to make us supper," she said, only somewhat angrily._

"_I am starving," he said softly, his breath caressing the side of her neck. "But not for food." He pulled her closer still and she could feel his hardness pressing against her backside._

_She opened her mouth to protest, but stopped the moment he began to suck softly on her neck in the exact spot that drove her crazy. "Oh gods," she breathed out as she felt warmth beginning to spread throughout her entire body._

_Zak smirked against her neck before sliding one hand up her tanks and under her bra. His fingers latched onto a nipple and he rolled it between his fingertips in just the right way._

_She bit her lip to keep from moaning. He was definitely good with his hands. The thought was enough to make her grin. She couldn't believe that she'd been lucky enough to land a guy who was not only amazing in bed, but who also _loved_ her. Further consideration of that fact was stopped when Zak slid his other hand over her stomach, and down into the waistband of her pants._

_The moment his fingers teased themselves past the top of her underwear she spread her legs. Zak resumed his ministrations on her neck as he moved his hand between her thighs, and began to stroke her confidently. She was no longer able to withhold the moan, and it filled the air as Zak continued to pleasure her._

"_Like that, babe?" He whispered smugly in her ear before biting her neck gently._

_Her senses were on overload and she could only nod. Zak chuckled as he angled his hand within the confines of her pants, and slid first one finger inside of her, then two. He moved them in and out, creating a delicious sensation that made her forget everything else._

_When he used his thumb to rub teasing circles on her clit she let out another moan and flexed her fingers on the countertop. Her breathing quickened, and her muscles tensed up. "Zak…" she pleaded, feeling herself on the edge of release. "Oh gods, Zak."_

_He increased the pressure of his thumb, and the contact was enough to send her over the edge. Her muscles tightened initially as her entire body shook with the intensity of her orgasm, but as the intoxicating feeling spread, she felt her body turn limp. Zak held her up and kissed her neck as she came down from her high._

_Eventually she able to move again, and she pushed away from the counter and turned around in Zak's arms. He grinned at her, somewhat smugly and somewhat adoringly before leaning down to kiss her. She reached up and threaded her fingers through his hair, pulling him in so that she could kiss him properly._

_Immediately Kara felt her body responding to the kiss, and she wanted him again, but this time his hands were not going to be enough. Not breaking the kiss, she dropped one hand down to undo Zak's belt. Returning the favor, he shoved sweatpants down over her hips. _

_Zak lifted her onto the countertop, perching her near the edge. She pulled down his pants and boxers just enough to free his straining erection. The playful look was gone from his eyes, and all she could see was smoldering desire. He tugged off her underwear forcefully and they slid down her legs and landed with the other clothing on the floor._

"_Now," she growled, not willing to wait any longer._

"_Yes, Sir," Zak said huskily as he tilted his hips at just the right angle to slide into her completely._

_Kara almost broke again as she felt him filling her. He waited a few moments before beginning to move, knowing full well that if he could help her hold off until the very end, her second orgasm would be even more intense than the first._

_When Zak pulled back a bit before sliding back in, Kara wrapped her legs tightly around his waist and pressed her still clothed chest against his. Their lips met again and Kara kissed him to within an inch of his life as he moved faster and faster within her. He pulled her forward on the counter, using his hands to angle her hips so that he could drive in deeper._

_Kara broke the kiss as a throaty moan of pleasure escaped from her. She opened her eyes to look at Zak, but what she saw made her blood run cold. His eyes were glowing red. Here body seized up in panic. Suddenly it felt wrong, so terribly wrong._

_She looked down, and where Zak's hands should have been, there were sliver talons clutching her waist. The metal was cold against her skin, and the chilling feeling seeped into her bones. When she turned her eyes back up to his face, she was met by a sneer._

"_And you thought I _loved_ you."_

_Suddenly cold metal pierced her sides. Long metal talons dug in between ribs, twisting themselves in her guts. Any reply she might have had was cut off by the scream that ripped from her throat._

Kara woke up with a start, her heart pounding in fear. A cold sweat had broken out over her entire body and she felt the burning urge to be sick. Completely forgetting about everyone else in the bunkroom she shot out of bed and ran towards the head as fast as she could.

She barely made it into the nearest stall before everything that she'd had for supper came up with violent force. Even after there was nothing left, she continued to heave, and she had to brace her hands on either side of the toilet for support.

When she felt a pair of hands pulling her hair back from her face she began to panic, but only until she realized that it was Lee. For some reason knowing that he was there was comforting.

He knelt behind her, crammed into the tiny stall as he continued to hold her hair back. Eventually the heaving stopped, and when it did she sank back on her heels. Because of the small space it meant leaning against Lee, but he didn't seem to mind. He wrapped one arm around her waist, holding her upright and pressed against his chest.

"You okay?" He asked quietly as he looked over her shoulder to see her face.

She didn't answer, but stared blankly ahead at the back of the stall.

"Do you want to talk?"

She shook her head and pulled away so that she could stand up. "There's nothing to talk about," she stated quietly.

Lee pushed himself off the ground and stood in front of her. The look on his face told her he knew she was lying, but thankfully he didn't push it.

She squeezed past him and out of the stall, heading for the closest sink. She ran the water, scrubbing her hands first, then making sure it was sufficiently cold before cupping her hands and splashing it on her face. The entire time Lee waited patiently, leaning against the sink next to her.

When she turned to look at him she saw the worry on his face, or at least for a few seconds before he tried to hide it from her.

"Thank you," she said quietly, looking down at the floor to avoid eye contact. For the past week he'd been there for her. Knowing that he cared enough to put up with her when she was going through this meant more than she could ever say. She didn't want him to think that she was ungrateful; it was just that her entire life felt disjointed. She had always looked back on her time with Zak as being a blessing, even if it had ended tragically. Now she didn't have that comfort. The best times of her entire life weren't real, they were set up by the cylons for some gods' awful purpose that she didn't even care to speculate about.

As the familiar thoughts ran through her mind she felt herself losing control. Her body was beginning to shake and once again tears were clouding her eyes. She stopped trying to hide things from Lee, and the next thing she knew he was wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a hug. It was something that he did often, and as juvenile as it sounded, it helped.

She sagged against his chest, letting him support her weight as she held onto him tightly. She was falling and Lee was the only person that could catch her.

* * *

Zak fidgeted in his bed. He'd been pestering the doctor to let him out for the last few days, but the miserly old bastard was intent on keeping him in there for at least another day. All he wanted was a chance to walk around, to really be free, but it seemed like he was still going to have to wait for that. 

Just as he was finishing off the mildly appetizing breakfast one of the nurses had brought him, Lee stepped into his cubicle.

"Morning," Zak said as he set the tray on the bedside table.

"Morning," Lee replied only half-heartedly.

"You okay?" Zak asked, turning his attention fully on Lee. His brother looked exhausted, and overworked, but there was something else too.

Lee sighed as he took a seat beside the infirmary bed. "Fine."

It was a lie. "What's going on?"

Lee fixed him with a look that said drop it, but Zak wasn't about to do that. "Lee you can tell me." He paused. "Is it Kara?" The look on his brother's face told him he was right. "Is she okay?"

Zak saw the resistance drop away as Lee sighed. "She's having nightmares. Bad ones. I've never seen her look so shaken except for after the rescue mission." He paused. "I just wish there was something I could do."

Zak gave Lee a sympathetic look. "You know that this isn't something you can fix instantly. Things like this take time. From what you've told me, her entire world was flipped upside down."

Lee nodded, a sad look descending upon his face.

"But you're there for her Lee, and she knows that. You're doing everything you can."

Lee gave him a small smile. "I know, I just wish I could do something more."

Zak's initial guess about his brother and Kara couldn't have been more right. There were definitely feelings there, and he had a hunch that they weren't one-sided. Zak just hoped that Lee wouldn't wait too long to tell her how he felt.

"Anyway," Lee said, interrupting his thoughts. "I have to go finish the flight schedules before I meet with Tigh, but I just wanted to drop in quickly."

Zak nodded. "Okay. I'll see you later then?"

Lee smiled. "Yeah." He turned to leave, but paused when he got the curtain halfway open. "Oh, one of my pilots said that they knew you from the Academy and might drop in later."

Zak raised his eyebrow, wondering if the person remembered him or his cylon copy. He'd only been in basic flight for two weeks before he was taken. "Who?"

"Racetrack."

The name itself wasn't familiar, but it triggered a memory. For half a second he was no longer in sickbay. Instead he was walking through a long and dusty barn corridor. Warm sunlight was filtering in through the doors at both ends, illuminating the beautiful woman beside him. Her long brown hair looked lighter than normal, and a huge smile graced her face. Maggie's hand was intertwined with his as she walked with him, introducing him to all of her family's racehorses.

Zak could have sworn that his heart stopped beating, but at the same time he was filled with an intense surge of hope.

"Are you talking about Maggie?" He asked, nearly choking over the words.

Lee gave him a peculiar look and nodded.

"Maggie's alive?"

"Yeah," Lee said slowly. He sounded like he was trying to put a puzzle together without all the pieces.

Zak swung his legs over and pushed himself out of bed.

"Whoa," Lee said as he placed restraining hands on Zak's shoulders. "Where are you going? Cottle hasn't released you yet."

"I need to see her." He couldn't believe that she was alive. He wasn't thinking clearly, hells, he wasn't thinking at all. The only thing he knew was that he needed to find her.

"Why?"

Zak turned his face up to look Lee directly in the eye. "The girlfriend, the one I had before I was captured," he could see the realization dawning on his brother's face, "it was Maggie."

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

Previously: 

"_Whoa," Lee said as he placed restraining hands on Zak's shoulders. "Where are you going? Cottle hasn't released you yet."_

"_I need to see her." He couldn't believe that she was alive. He wasn't thinking clearly, hells, he wasn't thinking at all. The only thing he knew was that he needed to find her._

"_Why?"_

_Zak turned his face up to look Lee directly in the eye. "The girlfriend, the one I had before I was captured," he could see the realization dawning on his brother's face, "it was Maggie."_

**Chapter 18**

Zak struggled against the firm pressure of his brother's hands on his shoulders. "Let me go, Lee."

"No. You can't just go barging out of sickbay."

Something in Lee's tone forced Zak to realize he wasn't getting out of there by himself, at least not at that moment. He stopped resisting, and despite his determination to find Maggie, he sat back down on the bed.

"Fine, Lee, but I need you to help me."

"I'm not sure what you want me to do." Lee stared down at him with a wary eye.

"I need to see her," Zak stated firmly.

"You will. She said she'd stop by."

Zak felt his frustration growing. "No. You said she _might_ stop by, and I can guarantee you she won't."

Lee gave him a puzzled look. "Why wouldn't she? You guys dated for a year…"

"But the cylon would have broken up with her," Zak interjected. It was a realization that hadn't taken long in forming. "There's no way she'll come and see me if she thinks I dumped her." He could see his brother beginning to understand. "Please Lee, I need to see her." Lee's reluctance was beginning to melt away. "I need to tell her the truth. It can't wait."

"Okay," he assented quietly. "Just give me a few minutes Zak. I'll figure something out."

Zak sagged back against the pillows in relief. "Thank you."

Lee nodded and left Zak alone with his thoughts, his mind was still reeling over the knowledge that Maggie was alive. He couldn't believe that after all these years he'd be seeing her again. Hope flared; their happy ending might no longer exist solely in his dreams.

He reigned in his emotions, trying to calm himself. He had to do this right. If he screwed up it might mean losing Maggie, if she wasn't lost to him already. The most important thing would be getting her to believe his explanation. It was true, but he wouldn't blame her if she didn't accept it, it sounded farfetched even to his own ears.

He tensed as he thought of another possibility, one that was far more disturbing: what if she'd moved on? Gods, it had been three years. She could have a boyfriend for all he knew. He felt sick, imaging her with someone else the way she'd been with him.

Zak pushed himself out of bed. He hoped Lee had a plan, because if not he was going to take things into his own hands. He wasn't waiting a second longer.

* * *

Maggie had to practically drag herself back to the bunkroom from the mess. She'd thought that knowing Zak was okay would bring her some sort of comfort, and it would allow her to finally get a good night's rest, but that was far from being the case. Her brief conversation with the CAG had instead caused her to fixate on Zak even more.

She inhaled slowly as she walked, trying to calm both her racing mind and heart. Zak was alive. He was in sickbay, but more importantly, he'd be released soon. Galactica was a huge ship, but she was still bound to run into him at some point. Gods, what would she say to him? Should she even say anything? A part of her wanted to keep trying to hate him for what he'd done. After all, he deserved it, but another more insistent part of her kept saying that it was pointless to waste so much energy on trying to hate one man.

But what did that leave her with, a grudging truce due to the lack of other options? Yet she wasn't even sure that that would work. Seeing him around the ship, day in and day out, possibly with Starbuck by his side was sure to be enough to drive her crazy. The last thing she needed was the constant reminder of how she hadn't been good enough.

Maggie was so lost in her thoughts that she walked directly past the CAG as she rounded the corner that lead to the bunkroom. A second after entering, she jumped, realizing she wasn't alone, and there was, in fact, someone sitting in a chair at the center table. A moment later she realized that person was Zak.

Suddenly her nerves were on edge, and for a second Maggie thought she might lose her breakfast. Her immediate reaction was to think she wasn't prepared for this meeting. A rush of old emotions followed, their strength enough to almost make her stagger. She was even more unprepared for the look on Zak's face. He was smiling with relief, and the fluorescent lights caused the tears in his eyes to glisten. "Gods, you're really here."

Maggie opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She tried again and all that emerged was, "Zak."

He stood up and began walking towards her slowly.

"What are you doing here?" She blurted out. He winced at the contempt in her tone, but didn't stop until he was standing only a few feet in front of her. Her heart was hammering against her ribcage, partly out of his close proximity and partly because of all the feelings flowing through her.

"I needed to see you." His voice was calm, patient even. It had the same warm tone that he used to use often when he talked to her. At one time it had been soothing and pleasant, but currently it only set her on edge.

When he reached forward with one shaking and tentative hand, Maggie pulled back out of his reach. Her body was trembling and she felt unsteady on her feet. "I have to go." She turned around abruptly.

Zak's soft grasp on her arm stopped her instantly. For a moment neither of them moved. Maggie felt tears building up in her eyes. The mere contact of his hand against her bare arm was enough to bring back a flood of memories, which made her remember how it had all ended.

"Maggie, please listen to me. Let me explain."

She wrenched her arm free of his hand and whipped around to glare at him, anger overpowering her other emotions. "Why? I don't owe you anything!" Zak opened his mouth to reply, but she interrupted him. "You dumped me for _her_."

He shook his head forcefully before staring her straight in the eye. "No, I didn't. Maggie, I never wanted to break up with you."

His voice was so sincere that it forced her to pause and listen to him intently.

"I loved you… And I still love you."

Maggie choked on her breath. She must have heard him wrong. But there he was, looking at her like he used to, like she was everything to him. She swallowed once, the action audible in the silence of the room. "Then why did you?" Tears threatened to spill from her eyes as she awaited his response.

Sadness filled his eyes. "I didn't. That was a cylon."

"No. You're lying. Everyone thought you died in a viper crash. The only explanation is that the cylons faked your death."

"No, Maggie," Zak replied quietly. "That isn't the only explanation."

She inhaled shakily. Something in the way he was talking, and the way he was looking at her penetrated the fog of shock, weakening her resolve and forcing the next words from her mouth. "What are you talking about?"

Zak took a deep breath before launching into his explanation. "The cylons captured me one night when I was on my way back to the dorms. I was replaced with a cylon modeled after me. His assignment involved making Kara fall in love with him, so the first thing he did upon getting there was break up with you."

Maggie shook her head as she tried to set everything straight in her mind. It sounded like some bizarre concocted story, but Zak had never lied to her before. Could it really be true?

She'd always thought there was something wrong about Zak's sudden change of heart and their unexpected breakup. Thinking about his explanation, she realized that no matter how unlikely it was, it _felt_ true.

"Oh my gods," she whispered under her breath as the full magnitude of his story hit her, causing something to shift inside of her.

Before she even knew she was moving, Maggie had thrown herself into Zak's arms. She clung onto him for dear life, while years of emotions found their release. As she sobbed against his shoulder, he held her close, stroking her back softly while he whispered soothing words into her hair.

* * *

Zak wouldn't have been able to stop the tears if he wanted to, so he let them roll down his cheeks. He held Maggie so tightly he was afraid she couldn't breathe, but his muscles wouldn't relax. She was alive, not killed in the attacks like he'd thought, and she was on Galactica. He couldn't believe he was holding her again. He felt high from a rush of adrenaline and the intensity of his emotions.

"It's okay," he whispered over and over again as Maggie cried into his shoulder. He rubbed her back until the crying subsided and her breathing returned to normal, but even then she didn't lessen her hold on him. He knew it was because she was probably still trying to take it all in. A part of him was glad, because he was afraid that at any moment he'd wake up and learn it was all a dream.

When she did pull back it was with reluctance, and she only moved enough so she could look at him. They simply stared at each other for a few seconds. Maggie looked like she was trying to think of something to say, and a few times she opened her mouth to talk, but nothing came out.

Zak wasn't sure what to say either, so he settled for "Hi."

Maggie looked at him in disbelief before her eyes brightened and she laughed. "Hi," she responded quietly.

Zak felt a million times lighter just from seeing her smile again, and he knew he was grinning like a love struck idiot in return.

"I don't know what to say," she admitted.

Zak shook his head slightly. "Neither do I." He paused. "Except I love you."

There were standing so close that he could easily see more tears welling up in her eyes, and he was just barely able to catch her reply. "I love you too." She inhaled deeply before repeating the words louder.

Zak's heart soared and his instinctive reaction was to lean down and kiss Maggie. He moved slowly, and her lips met his halfway. Kissing her was intoxicating, and the moment she parted her lips, he lost himself in the kiss. His hands reached up to cup her face, and he moved his mouth against hers softly, but with a purpose.

Maggie responded by meeting his tender actions with her own. Her lips were soft, just like he remembered, and the way they caressed his own made him feel alive again. He thought he might have whispered her name, but he couldn't be sure because he was so immersed in the kiss.

At some point Zak realized that they needed to stop because there had to be a time limit on how long two people could go without taking a proper breath. He felt lightheaded and knew he was fast approaching that limit. Regretfully, Zak broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against Maggie's. He took deep breaths, trying to regain some oxygen, and although Maggie was breathing heavily she didn't seem to be nearly as winded as he was.

"Zak, are you okay?" She asked, worry filling her voice. She placed her hands on his arms, just above his elbows. "You look really pale."

"I'm fine," he said, even though he knew it was a lie. The lightheadedness hadn't gone away completely, and he realized the doctor obviously had a good reason for still keeping him in sickbay.

"No, you're not." Maggie's voice was stubborn, but still anxious. "Sit down," she half-offered, half-ordered as she turned him around and steered him toward the chair he'd been sitting in before.

He took the seat and Maggie hovered over him looking scared. "I'll be fine," he said, and he meant it. His body was tired, and was complaining over the impromptu escape from bed rest, but he was okay. He reached up to grab Maggie's wrist, tugging her until she was standing directly in front of him. "I'm just not supposed to be out of sickbay yet."

"What? Then why are you here? Gods Zak, if…"

He smiled up at her. "I needed to see you." It was the plain and simple truth. She still looked worried, and he pulled her down so she was straddling his lap. Her hands rested on his shoulders, but her touch was feather light, as if she was afraid she'd break him. "Hey," he said quietly. "I'm not exactly back to full strength yet, but I'm okay."

He tilted his head, kissing her gently, and her hands came to rest more firmly on his shoulders. When they broke apart she looked at him intently. "You're too thin," she stated, obvious concern lacing her voice. He knew that she was taking in just exactly how much the tanks were hanging on him instead of fitting tightly like they should.

He nodded. "The cylons didn't exactly give us the luxury of regular meals. There were a few scraps here and there, but never anything extravagant."

Sadness and sympathy lined her face, and he knew she was thinking about his imprisonment. "I'm so sorry, Zak. I'll do whatever I can. Maybe I can help with your physio, or…"

"Shh," he said, trying to calm her. "You've already helped so much."

Confusion clouded her features. "I don't understand."

Zak's hands found their way to her hips, and he pulled her further up on his lap. "I was a prisoner of the cylons for three years, and the only thing that kept me sane was thinking of you. Remembering the year we were together, and imagining how great things were and how they could have been for us was what stopped me from losing my mind."

She held him in a strong hug, "I still want to do whatever I can."

He hugged her back just as tightly. "Thank you."

"I love you Zak," she whispered. "I never stopped. Even when I thought that you dumped me for Starbuck, I couldn't get over you. I tried, and I tried to hate you, but I just couldn't. I couldn't let you go."

Zak felt a surge of sympathy. He couldn't imagine how hard the past three years had been on her, and although he couldn't give them back to her, he could give her the future. "I love you Maggie, and I hope we can have another chance."

He felt her smile against his shoulder before hearing her reply, "There's nothing I want more."

* * *

Maggie didn't want to let go. She wanted to stay on Zak's lap, her arms around him forever, but she knew that couldn't happen. Not only was she due on shift in less than thirty minutes, Zak was supposed to still be in the infirmary. She allowed herself another ten or so minutes of indulgence before she pulled back.

Her heart skipped a beat as she looked at him again. He was really here… She ran one hand lightly down the side of his face to be sure. Zak smiled at her before wrapping a hand around her neck and bringing her down for another achingly sweet kiss. It tugged at her heart and she wasn't sure that she'd physically be able to leave.

He must have seen the uncertainty on her face because he said, "I'll still be here when you've finished CAP."

Her eyebrows raised in surprised. "How did you…"

Zak grinned. "Lee told me. He was the one who helped spring me from sickbay. He had to reschedule a meeting with Tigh, and then convince Cottle to let me out for a bit. I didn't know if we were going to get here in time to catch you before your shift."

Maggie was about to reply when she heard a sharp knock on the hatch, and then the CAG's voice. "Zak, we have to go or Cottle will have both our asses."

Zak rolled his eyes at his brother's words and Maggie laughed. "It's true though Zak, you need to get back to sickbay."

He nodded. "And you need to get ready for CAP."

In silent agreement, they began to move. She hovered as Zak slowly pushed himself up from the chair. He seemed okay, but she wasn't taking any chances. They started to walk towards the hatch and Maggie slipped an arm around his waist.

He looked down at her with an inquisitive glance. "I'm fine."

She smiled. "I know."

They opened the hatch to find Apollo leaning against the bulkhead. Maggie suddenly felt embarrassed and her arm dropped back to her side. It wasn't that she was embarrassed to be seen with Zak, it was the fact that she was in love with her boss' brother. It had seemed odd enough the night before when she'd gone to talk to him about Zak, but now the uncomfortable feeling was magnified.

"Racetrack," he said, acknowledging her presence.

"Sir," she responded stoically.

Zak just took one look at each of them and said, "You guys are just going to have to get used to this." Then he leaned down and kissed Maggie tenderly. In that second she forgot about everything, including her CAG, and kissed him back.

He smiled as he pulled back. Then he leaned down again, but this time to press his lips lightly against the tip of her nose. She felt an almost forgotten warmth spread through her body at the loving gesture. It was something no guy had ever done before. It was purely a Zak thing.

"I'll see you later."

She nodded, a warm grin on her face. "Yeah."

Maggie barely made it to the hangar deck on time, but when she did she was glad to see her ECO already there, and more importantly that it was Helo. He was the least likely out of any of them to become angry over her tardiness.

"Hey," she acknowledged as she climbed into the raptor.

"Hey yourself!" Helo responded cheerfully.

She moved to the front of the ship and did her preflight in complete silence, needing all of her concentration to focus on the task at hand and not everything that had just happened with Zak. As she checked off the last thing on her list, her mind couldn't be stopped from wandering, and she knew she was about to flying the longest CAP of her entire life.

"You okay?" Helo asked from behind her, obviously noting her silence.

She turned to look at him, and as she thought about his question a smile formed on her face. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

TBC

**A/N:** I'd just like to thank everyone who's reading this story. Your feedback is always so motivating and I can't thank you enough. I do my best to reply to all the signed reviews with the reply feature on this site, but for those that I miss: Thank you!!


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Lee was just finishing off the week's flight schedule when someone knocked sharply on the hatch of his office. "Come in," he said reluctantly, expecting one of his pilots had come to complain about something. He was more than surprised when he looked up to find his father in front of his desk. He moved to stand up, but Bill shook his head and took a seat in the single chair opposite the desk.

"I'm not here for business."

"Oh." These days that meant only one thing: Zak.

"I wanted to be the one to give you the good news. Cottle's releasing your brother from sickbay today."

The Bill's grin was infectious and Lee found himself smiling back. "That's great, Dad." Lee was relieved to hear it. After he'd temporarily sprung Zak from sickbay, Cottle had decided to keep him for another five days. Secretly Lee had been afraid that he'd made the wrong decision by caving in to Zak's persistence.

"What time is Cottle letting him out?"

"In a couple of hours. I have a shift in CIC, but was hoping you might be able to be there."

Lee nodded. "Of course."

"I have a feeling Racetrack will be with him as soon as she's off shift, but I thought it'd be better if you were there too."

His father was right; there was a very good chance that Racetrack would be with Zak when he was discharged. Ever since Zak had talked to her that day in the bunkroom she'd been glued to his side, only leaving when her duties as a pilot forced her to.

Lee pushed back the acrid feeling rising in his gut. He _was_ happy for his little brother. He had no right to be jealous, but whenever he saw Zak with Maggie, or thought about what they had, unwanted resentment flared up. He didn't know what was worse—so desperately wanting that kind of happiness, or the woman he wanted it with having no idea how he felt.

"Lee?"

He shook his head as he focused his thoughts on the present. "Sorry, Dad. You were saying?"

"Are you okay?" Lee was surprised to hear an underlying tone of concern in his father's voice.

"I'm fine. Just a little tired. Continue…"

Bill looked at him warily before accepting his words. "Zak will be staying in the senior pilots' bunkroom."

"What?"

"I know he isn't technically a pilot, but there are only so many bunks available on the ship."

"Dad, I know that, but…"

"It was either that or he bunked with the deckhands. I decided it was better if he was around people he knew." He fixed Lee with a stern look. "You should be happy Lee, he's your brother."

"What about Kara?" Lee finally got out. It had been the first thing to come to his mind. She was already a mess, and living in the same bunkroom as Zak was only going to make it worse.

"She can handle it."

Lee wanted to scream that she couldn't. He wanted to tell his dad that she was barely coping as it was, and that this might be enough to push her over the edge. But he couldn't say anything. His father didn't know about Kara's almost suicide attempt in the arms locker, he didn't know about the nightmares, and he certainly didn't know about her risky flying. If Lee said anything then his father would judge her unfit to fly and revoke her flight status. Flying, was one of the few things Kara had left and Lee wouldn't be responsible for taking that stability away from her.

"Lee, I know this is hard on Kara, but she's a soldier. She'll pull through."

Lee bit the inside of his lip, forcing himself to remain quiet. When he relieved the pressure of teeth on tender skin, the metallic taste of blood filled his mouth. Yet he still didn't say anything.

Obviously there wasn't anything Lee could do that would change his father's mind, not without telling him the whole story. He would just have to make sure that he told her as soon as he could, because warning her was all that he could do.

* * *

Zak sat perched on the edge of his infirmary bed, waiting somewhat impatiently for either Maggie or his brother to show up. He was finally being released from sickbay, but he had no idea where he was supposed to go. He assumed that his father had issued him a spot in crew quarters, but there were dozens of bunkrooms aboard every battlestar and he wasn't going to try every one of them.

Just as he was about to ask one of the nurses to page someone, Maggie walked through the far end of sickbay, her hair damp from a post CAP shower. For a second Zak forgot about his pending release, and took in the sight of her. He swore that he felt his heart skip a beat. He couldn't believe how lucky he was.

He caught her gaze a second after she came through the hatch. He smiled, feeling his entire face light up. She smiled back, but the look turned to worry when he stood up and made his way towards her.

"What are you doing out of bed?" She asked demandingly the second she made it to him. She rested her hands on his upper arms, looking nervous.

He pulled her into a comforting hug and kissed the top of her head gently. "I'm being released," he explained.

"What?" She questioned as she pulled back just enough to look at him. "Are you serious?" Hope filled her eyes.

He nodded. "One hundred percent."

"When?" She asked excitedly.

He leaned down to brush his lips lightly over the tip of her nose. "Right now." He wouldn't have been able to keep the enthusiasm out of his voice if he'd tried.

"Congratulations," she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

"Thanks," he whispered softly against her lips. He desperately wanted to deepen the kiss, but knew that he couldn't. They were in the middle of sickbay. Plus, there would be plenty of time for that later. He felt his cheeks get warm and flushed from anticipation—it had been so long…

A quiet noise behind Maggie broke his train of thought and he broke the kiss and looked over her shoulder, finding an almost embarrassed looking Lee.

"Hey," Zak acknowledged happily as he let his hands drop from Maggie's waist so that she could stand beside him.

"Dad told me Cottle's finally letting you out of here."

Zak beamed. "Good news does travel fast!"

Lee smiled back, but Zak was quick to notice that the emotion didn't reach his eyes. Something was bothering his brother, and Zak was sure he'd need only one guess to determine which person that thing was connected to.

"Ready to get out of here?" Lee asked.

"Yeah," Zak replied, deciding not to press the other issue for now. "So I take it that you know where I'm bunking."

"Senior pilots' bunkroom," was the terse reply.

Zak sighed. "Lee, I'm not a pilot."

His brother nodded in agreement. "I know that, but Dad wants you in there."

Lee's tone was harsh and Zak was taken by surprise. "And you don't," Zak stated.

Lee opened his mouth to protest, but Zak cut him off.

"No. I know you don't, I just don't know why." But then the look on his brother's face gave it away and he knew exactly why: Kara. "Never mind," he added, his voice softening.

He understood. His brother loved Kara; of course anything that had the potential to hurt her would make him upset. Zak wondered if she knew about the sleeping arrangements yet, and if she didn't, he wondered how she would react. He didn't know Kara, but he knew what the cylons had done. The last thing that he wanted was to make things harder on her.

"Lee, maybe I can find a rack somewhere else."

Zak noticed Maggie giving him a questioning look. He shook his head slightly before turning his attention back to Lee.

Lee sighed. "There's only a few available on the ship right now. Plus I tried talking to Dad, but he's convinced that she'll be fine."

Zak sympathized with his brother. Lee had been doing everything he could to help Kara, and it must seem like he was hitting a roadblock. All Zak could do was offer his brother an encouraging smile, and hope that things would get easier soon.

"So… Are we ready to go?"

Lee nodded. "Yeah…"

"_Captain Adama please report to the port side hangar deck immediately. I repeat, Captain Adama please report to the port side hangar deck immediately."_

Lee let out a quiet, but vehement curse. Zak was certain that the reason for his brother's anger had nothing to do with the fact that he was missing Zak's discharge.

"I'm sorry Zak. I have to…"

"Go," Zak insisted.

Lee nodded. "Racetrack, can you…?"

"Sure thing, Sir."

"Thanks," he replied as he took off at a run for the hangar deck, leaving Maggie behind to show Zak to his new quarters.

* * *

Maggie pushed open the hatch and gestured for Zak to go in ahead of her. "Here we are." She closed the hatch behind her, but didn't dog it. There wasn't anyone else in the bunkroom, but she didn't want to be presumptuous. She pointed past Zak, indicating an empty bottom rack. A few days ago it had had an occupant, but with the cylons attacking them more than ever, they were losing pilots.

"Thanks, Mags," Zak replied, but he didn't move towards it. Instead he turned around and looked directly at her. She wasn't surprised by the intensity of his gaze, but it caused a coil of warmth to form deep in her lower belly. That didn't surprise her either; nothing had ever compared to her time with Zak, and she didn't expect it to be any different now.

Suddenly her mouth felt dry and her hands were clammy. "Do you want me to lock the hatch?" She questioned hesitantly.

Zak gave her a nervous smile. "Only if you want to."

She better and more confident knowing that Zak was feeling the same way about it as her. With sure actions she picked up the piece of metal from the shelf beside the hatch and pushed it through the wheel. Turning around she found Zak standing only a step in front of her.

They both moved to close the distance at the same time and Maggie was immediately wrapped up in Zak's embrace. His lips met hers for a kiss, but unlike the one in sickbay, this one was heated. Maggie parted her mouth and ran her tongue along Zak's lips, seeking the entrance that he so happily granted.

Maggie got lost in the feeling of their intertwined tongues until she felt Zak's hands cupping her bottom and pulling her even closer to him. Every nerve became acutely aware of sensation: Zak's firm, but soft pressure of his hands on her backside, wet heat where their mouths were joined, fabric scraping overly sensitive nipples, the hardness of Zak's erection pressed between them, growing dampness between her legs…

"Zak," she whispered fervently against his mouth. She thought she might have heard her name in return, but it could just as easily have been the sound of their heaving breathing playing tricks with her ears.

Soon Zak's hands were hovering near the bottom edge of her tanks. She placed her hands on top of his and together they pulled the restricting garments free of her body. Not half a second later his tanks followed and Maggie's nearly naked torso was pressed against Zak's chest. He was still thin—not nearly as filled out as he'd been prior to the cylon imprisonment—but the physio had helped him regain some of his muscle mass and Maggie couldn't resist running her hands down the planes of his stomach, only stopping when she touched the fabric of his pants.

She looked up at Zak before pulling him down for another searing kiss. His hands held her waist tightly, and together they began to maneuver towards the bed. Just as she felt the back of her knees hit the mattress, she heard, "Love you."

She fought back tears as she fell back on the bed and pulled Zak down on top of her. "Love you too."

Whatever initial hesitance there had been on Zak's part was gone, and he tugged off the remainder of their clothes. Hands began to reacquaint themselves with once familiar territory, and with every second Maggie became more aroused. She didn't know about Zak, but she knew that she couldn't wait any longer.

With an agile move she flipped them so that she was on top. Her eyes locked with his and their movements slowed. Zak held her hips securely and guided her until she was hovering just above him. Slowly she lowered herself down, her eyes not breaking contact with his the entire time.

For a few seconds she didn't move; she was unable to do more than take in the sensation of once again being with the man she loved. She could feel damp trails of tears on her cheeks, but didn't move to wipe them away. Through her blurred vision she saw the tears on Zak's face too. Leaning down, she kissed him soundly. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Maggie gave him a watery smile and braced her hands on his shoulders before beginning to move her hips slowly. Zak's sharp intake of breath matched her own, and when his fingers flexed against her skin, hers did the same against his. The heady sensations were almost overpowering, and Maggie felt herself speeding toward release.

She wanted to draw it out, to make it last longer, but it had been much too long. Her body was almost moving on its own accord and she knew she wouldn't be able to hold off. The look on Zak's face told her it was the same for him. Two more twists of her hips sent them both over the edge, and their names escaped from each other's lips.

Afterwards, Maggie lay on her side, with Zak's chest pressed up against her back, and his arms wrapped securely around her. He placed achingly sweet kisses down her neck and along her collarbone. She didn't want to move, but her practical side kicked in. "We should get dressed," she said quietly. "People will be wanting into the bunkroom soon."

Zak pulled her more tightly against his chest. "In a few minutes," he whispered against her bare shoulder. "I'm still trying to convince myself that this is real."

* * *

Kara pulled her arm back and let the punch fly, not pulling it even the slightest. Her gloved fist hit the bag with a satisfyingly loud thud and it swung away before coming back into contact with her other fist.

Again and again she pounded the bag, keeping up the repetitious movements even when the muscles in her arms burned with complaint. Sweat formed a constant trickle down her spine, dampening her tanks and making them clutch at her skin. Most of her hair had freed itself from the tie that had been holding it back, and with every punch it swayed in front of her face, momentarily blocking her vision. But in spite of all that, she kept going.

She'd been at it for nearly an hour straight, but she wasn't stopping until her body forced her to. Only then would she be tired enough. She'd learnt that the only way to stop the nightmares was to thoroughly exhaust herself, so that's what she did. Every night she worked out until she was so drained that she couldn't see straight. Only then would she hit her rack.

Consecutive nights of the same grueling routine made exhaustion ever easier to find, and after a few more minutes Kara felt as if her body was about to object to her brutal treatment of it by passing out. She stopped her attack on the bag and stood back, letting it swing to a stop while she hunched over, trying to catch her breath. The rank smell of the gym hit her full force; mixing with the already present nausea from exertion, it caused bile to rise in her throat. She swallowed twice, forcing it back down.

She grimaced as she realized that she couldn't even remember the last time she'd worked out for fun. Suddenly she missed it; the time she and Lee had spent trying to best each other in the gym, and running laps around the ship while he sang those stupid academy songs. The memory brought a ghost of a smile to her lips for just a second. Those had been the good days, and now she couldn't help but wonder if there would ever be any more.

Her thoughts immediately turned back to Lee. He'd constantly been there for her since she'd found out the truth about Zak. He was always worrying, and hovering, even when she didn't want him to be. It scared her, knowing that he cared so much. But at the same time, she couldn't help but feel lucky. Very few people had someone that they could rely on so fully.

She thought about her vague memories from the night she'd contemplated killing herself. There were times when she could swear Lee had said he loved her. But he hadn't. She'd been imagining it—she had to be.

She'd be lying if she said that they weren't any feelings there on her part. There had been for quite some time, but Kara had become a master of ignoring them, at least until recently. Knowing that there was no longer a dead fiancée standing between them made her feelings all that more real.

But Lee hadn't said that he loved her, and she wasn't going to do anything that might screw up the most important relationship in her life. Like she'd been doing for months, Kara vowed to ignore the feelings until they went away… if they went away. And even if on some small chance Lee had said those three words, nothing could happen between them anyway. There was no way in hell that she would have her heart broken again.

Kara forced herself to stand upright and make her way over to the bench to collect her water bottle and gym bag before hitting the showers. On her way back to the bunkroom she ran into Narcho, who appeared to be heading off for a night shift on CAP.

"Hey, Starbuck," he said pleasantly.

She felt her anger flaring up, but before she could say or do anything he was talking again. "Have you seen the new guy in our bunkroom?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

He took a step back upon hearing the sharpness in her voice, but he still replied. "There's a new guy. I think he's the CAG's brother or something."

Kara's entire body stiffened and she began to panic. This was the last thing she needed—she couldn't deal with it right now. She turned flat on her heel and moved as fast as she could in the opposite direction from the bunkroom. She couldn't believe that Lee hadn't warned her.

TBC


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Lee sighed with exhaustion as he used a wrench to tighten the fuel line of the viper he was repairing. He'd spent the past six hours in the hangar deck fixing ship after ship, and he was only now reaching the end of the long line of birds.

Early in the evening the Chief had noticed that one viper's fuel line had been connected wrong, and upon inspection they'd found that nearly 80 percent of their birds, raptors included, had the same problem. The deck crew was so overworked they had made the same simple mistake over and over again, one that could have led to disaster. A single false move in the air could have ruptured any of the faulty fuel lines, leaving the ship in question immobile, or sending it up in flames. It was a relief that the Chief had caught the problem when he did.

Normally the CAG didn't interfere with the well-oiled workings of the deck crew, but when serious issues like this one arose it was protocol that Lee be informed. The recent increase in cylon attacks had all the deckhands working double shifts already, so to help ease the burden Lee had joined in. He hadn't wanted to, in fact it was the last thing he wanted, but it was his job to keep his pilots safe.

Lee rolled himself out from under the viper and stood up on his cramping legs. One last viper to be fixed and then he could get out of there. Using energy he didn't know he possessed, Lee hurried over to the final ship. He needed to finish as fast as he could so he could find Kara and warn her about Zak moving into the bunkroom—he just hoped it wasn't too late.

"Sir."

Lee heard a voice calling from behind him. He paused mid-step and turned to find the Chief catching up with him. "Yes, Chief?" He asked, trying to keep the weariness free of his voice, though he doubted that he succeeded.

"I can finish up here."

"Are you sure?"

Tyrol nodded. "We've only got one left, shouldn't take long at all. Thanks for the help, Sir."

Lee nodded and gave the Chief a weak smile before he took off for the corridor leading to the gym. He hoped to hell that Kara was still there. He knew that lately she'd taken to working herself into exhaustion every night. He hated knowing it was the only thing allowing her to get any rest, but for the first time he hoped she hadn't changed her routine and was doing exactly that. He needed a chance to warn her.

When he opened the hatch to find the workout room deserted save two marines, he cursed under his breath. A sense of disappointment gripped him—he'd let her down. She wasn't here and that meant she'd turned in for the night. She'd probably run into Zak, completely unprepared, and Lee hated that she'd had to go through that.

Lee walked to the bunkroom without much thought. He may have failed in warning her, but he could still explain to her how he'd been tied up in the hangar deck and hope that she'd forgive him.

Lee slipped through the hatch as quietly as possible, so as not to wake anyone. The first thing he noticed was that his bunk, which was temporarily serving as Kara's since she'd injured her knee again, was empty. He shuddered with worry. Knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep until he knew where she was, Lee turned around and headed back out of the bunkroom.

Exhaustion momentarily forgotten, Lee searched every place he could think of, including the arms locker on C-deck, if only for his own peace of mind. Sleep would still be elusive, so Lee figured he might as well make himself useful, and headed for his office.

He punched in the pass code on the keypad and after hearing the soft click that meant the mag lock had been released, he pushed open the hatch and stepped inside. He closed the hatch behind him, while using one hand to search around on the wall for the light switch. The fluorescent tubes burst to life and bright beams of light showered his office.

"Turn off the frakking lights."

Lee jumped as he heard Kara's voice filter through the room, but at the same time a sense of relief filled his body and the tension ebbed away. "Kara?" He questioned hesitantly as his eyes quickly scanned the room.

He saw her curled up in a ball on the small and uncomfortable piece of furniture that was supposed to be a couch. She had her head buried in against her arm, shielding her eyes from the harsh light.

"Yes," she growled in return. "Now turn off the frakking lights."

Lee obeyed, and the room went back to being scarcely illuminated by the single bulb used for emergency exit lighting directly above the hatch. Guilt gathered in his throat. He swallowed it back as he realized that Kara obviously knew about Zak—it was the only reason she'd be sleeping on the couch in his office.

"Aren't you going to ask me why I'm here?" She questioned acidly.

Lee flinched at her tone. "I'm so sorry Kara. I was going to warn you, but I got called down to the hangar deck and I was stuck there for the better part of six hours. I only just finished. Kara, I'm sorry."

* * *

For a second Kara forgot about the shock of finding out that Zak was now living in their bunkroom—she was distracted by the complete and utter exhaustion in Lee's voice. Muscles protested, but she pushed herself upright on the small couch and turned around to look at him. Even in the dim light she could see the bags under his eyes and the shadow of stubble on his chin. He looked like she felt, and that was saying something.

He hadn't _not_ told her on purpose. She'd suspected that, and now he was just confirming it. She could blame him, but it wasn't his fault. Plus, throughout the whole ordeal Lee had been nothing short of perfect, and Kara knew she was making an already difficult time harder for him.

"It's okay," she said quietly. "Narcho told me before I got to the bunkroom."

She saw Lee's shoulders sag with relief. "I guess he's good for something." He gave her a tired smile and she returned it, noticing how the upward tug on the corners of her mouth felt foreign.

Lee moved so that he was leaning against the side of the desk. He was close enough that she could reach out and touch his leg if she wanted to. "How are you doing?" He asked, not bothering to hide the concern and caring in his voice.

Kara immediately looked away from him. "Fine," she lied, followed by, "Frak," when her back muscles tensed, causing her to lean forward in pain.

The next thing she knew Lee was sitting on the couch behind her. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, biting her lip to keep from crying out. "Just stiff." The combination of her grueling workout and Lee's crappy excuse for a couch had all of her muscles objecting.

"Liar," he replied, but his tone was far from harsh. "Move forward."

"What?" She looked over her shoulder at him.

"Move forward," he repeated, gesturing with his hands.

Grumbling, Kara shifted forward on the couch. She was tired and part of her wished that Lee would just leave her the frak alone. Another part of her wanted to comply, and that part won over.

She nearly jumped when she felt the gentle warmth of Lee's hands on her back. Before she could ask him what the hell he thought he was doing, his fingers began to dig into tight muscles. The pressure was just on the verge of being too much, but it felt so damn good.

Kara's head lolled forward and Lee took it as a sign to continue. His hands massaged tense muscles until they relaxed, and then he moved onto other ones. Kara forgot about anything and everything except the amazing feeling. At times she had to bite her tongue to keep from moaning, but even that couldn't ruin it.

* * *

Lee wasn't sure what had possessed him to give Kara a massage. She was obviously stiff, and extremely sore, something that sleeping on the couch wouldn't help, but he also knew it was a dangerous path to be walking down. He'd spent a lot of time with Kara since his realization that he was, in fact, in love with her. He often struggled to keep his thoughts purely platonic. It was increasingly difficult since he knew there was only one reason for him not to tell her how he felt: his own cowardice.

Originally he had thought that Kara had Zak back, and vowing not to _ever_ let her find out about his feelings seemed reasonable. Now that the obstacle no longer existed, there was nothing holding him back except his fear. He was afraid he'd ruin their friendship, which was the most important thing in his life. He knew that he needed Kara in his life, and he didn't think he could afford to broker all or nothing. He had also seen his brother and Maggie together, seen how absolutely happy they were. He'd be lying if he said he didn't want that, because he did want it, more than anything. Zak made it look so frakking easy, and it was almost enough to make him tell Kara how he felt.

Lee shook his head, and forced the thoughts to the back of his mind. He focused his attention on massaging the tension out of Kara's back. It was easy to lose himself in the feeling. Sometime later he noticed that Kara's head was hanging against her chest loosely, and the only thing holding her up was the his hands. He couldn't help but smile as he realized that she had fallen asleep.

He moved his hands up to her shoulders and while supporting her head, gently lowered her down so she was lying on the couch, extricating himself from behind her in the process. Standing up and shaking a cramp out of his own leg he noticed that she looked almost peaceful.

Quietly, so as not to wake her, he walked around to the back of his desk and pulled open the bottom drawer. He winced when it squeaked, but a quick glance told him that Kara was still out. After many all-nighters he'd finally stashed a spare pillow and blanket in there, and now he was glad for the decision.

Not bothering to shut the drawer, for fear of it making more noise, Lee grabbed the items and made his way back over to Kara. He gently perched on the edge of the couch as he pulled the blanket over her and placed her head on the pillow. Her head moved slightly, just barely turning toward him.

For a few minutes he sat there and watched her. It was calming, and he found himself wanting to stay, except he knew he couldn't, and most definitely shouldn't. Without realizing what he was doing, Lee found himself leaning down to place a gentle kiss on her cheek. Kara's eyes fluttered open just as he was pulling back, and his heart began to race. He let out a sigh of relief as her eyes closed again and her breathing stayed deep and even.

Lee stood up and headed for the hatch, glancing back over his shoulder once more before heading out.

* * *

When Kara woke up she felt oddly peaceful. A quick glance at her surroundings told her why it was so quiet; she wasn't in the bunkroom, she was in Lee's office. As she braced her hands on the worn material of the couch and pushed herself into a sitting position, she realized there was a blanket covering her, one that hadn't been there before. Looking behind she saw a pillow too.

Kara felt her cheeks warm—Lee _really_ cared about her, more than anyone else ever had. Thinking back to the night before she remembered how tired he'd looked, but in spite of that he hadn't thought of anything but her.

Her hand unconsciously rose to her cheek. She could have sworn she remembered opening her eyes to find him kissing her cheek—she could almost feel the softness of his lips… Kara sighed and dropped her head into her hands. She must be imagining things; Lee wouldn't have… would he?

Sometimes when he looked at her she was almost certain she saw something in his eyes, but before she could identify it, it was gone, replaced by a friendly glance. But even if there were feelings there on his part, she couldn't afford to put her feelings on the line, could she?

The calm had worn off and Kara wanted to scream in frustration. Everything tumbled around in her head, and for the first time since finding out the truth about Zak she wanted nothing more than to pull herself together. She couldn't stand to live like this anymore, but more importantly she needed to do it for Lee. She knew him, and she could tell he was spreading himself too thin. The last thing he needed was her as a burden.

* * *

Lee had the flight schedules strewn around him on a table in the mess. Tigh had found him first thing that morning and practically thrown them back at him, claiming there were errors everywhere. Lee had bit his tongue, accepted them, and stated that he'd have them back to the XO by the midday shift change. It was almost 1100 and Lee still wasn't finished. It seemed like for every mistake he corrected, he made two more. What he needed was about two full days of sleep, but since that was impossible he'd have to do the best he could.

He was so immersed in making corrections that he didn't notice Kara until he heard the telltale scrape of her chair on the deck as she sat down. Paperwork instantly forgotten he looked up to find her stealing his coffee. He raised one eyebrow in question and she merely shrugged her shoulders, a ghost of a grin creeping onto her face. Lee felt lighter just for seeing her smile.

She angled her chair so it was facing him, and then she kicked her boots off before slipping her feet onto his lap. Lee wasn't sure how to react, but before he could make a decision he found one hand coming down to rest on her leg. When his fingers started making arbitrary patterns on the arches of her feet, he knew he was in trouble. The last time something like that had happened, he'd been _very_ drunk, but now he no longer had that excuse.

Kara didn't seem to mind though. She simply slouched down and sipped at his coffee while looking at him. "What are you working on?"

He broke free of his thoughts, and turned his head to look at the papers, having momentarily forgotten them. "Flight schedules." When he turned back to look at her, she was holding out one hand.

"Let me see."

Lee sighed with relief. Kara was the one person who could make a flawless flight schedule in her sleep, and he'd missed her help more than he could ever say.

After taking the papers from him, Kara immediately noticed a mistake and reached for a pen. She scribbled out something, and started drawing arrows on the paper. After a few minutes she stopped writing and slid the papers back to him. "There."

He looked at her in awe. "You're a godsend, Kara."

She smiled at him, almost shyly, and Lee felt better than he had in days.

* * *

Zak had been heading for breakfast when he heard his brother's voice filter out from the mess. He paused by the entrance to the hatch when he saw Lee sitting at a table with Kara. Zak had only briefly seen her upon waking up, but he remembered who she was. Plus, even if he hadn't seen her before, he'd know—there was only one person Lee would be interacting with like that.

For a few seconds Zak really couldn't believe what he was seeing. He'd never seen Lee like this with a woman, ever. Kara had her feet resting on Lee's lap, and even from Zak's position he could see that Lee was rubbing her feet. Lee said something that made Kara smile. Lee grinned in return and Zak could see all the worry and tension drain from his brother's face. He looked completely at ease, and happier than Zak had ever seen him before.

Suddenly, Zak knew that he had to do something. If he didn't interfere Lee would probably never tell Kara how he felt. Zak didn't need to know Kara in order to tell that Lee's feelings weren't unrequited. Zak knew exactly how precious their kind of connection was. They had the chance to be truly happy together, and Zak wasn't going to let his brother pass up something so special. He didn't quite know how yet, but he was going to find a way to bring them together.

TBC


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

After Zak moved into the pilots' quarters, Kara spent another three nights in Lee's office before heading back to the bunkroom. There was a lot of stuff she had forced herself to come to terms with, and she'd both wanted and needed to do it alone. She'd grudgingly managed to accept that the cylons had tricked her, and that every moment she'd spent with Zak had not been what it seemed. She hadn't been in love; she'd been deceived. A year of her past was tainted, and no matter how much she wished she could change that, it couldn't be undone. It wasn't easy to get over, but she knew doing so wasn't optional.

Realizing everything had happened a lifetime ago made it just the slightest bit more manageable. Her life had changed so much since her days as a flight instructor on Caprica. She didn't even feel like the same person anymore.

Kara was also fairly certain she was in love with someone else. It didn't lessen her anger at the cylons for what they did, nor did it make the past any easier to think about, but it did make moving on seem more bearable.

Kara walked down the corridor, heading for bunkroom. When she reached the senior pilots' quarters she didn't stop, but simply drew one deep breath to steady her nerves before turning the wheel on the hatch and stepping through. When she first stepped in she thought the room was empty, but a more thorough look around showed her that one bunk was occupied.

She felt her heart drop into her stomach as she recognized who it was. The last person in the universe she wanted to see was the only one there; the gods had a cruel sense of humor.

Kara steeled herself and walked over to her—no, Lee's—bunk as if nothing was different. She tossed her bag onto the mattress before turning to open her locker. She heard the creak of another mattress on the far side of the room followed by footsteps heading towards her.

Her heart began to pound fast against her ribcage, but she ignored it. After stuffing her bag in with her other belongings, she turned to find Zak leaning against the next locker over.

"Hi," he said, holding out his hand. "Zak Adama."

Kara stared at him for a few seconds. He seemed… different. Maybe the cylons hadn't perfected their cloning program back when they made copies of Zak; she could immediately see a handful of small differences. She hoped it would only serve to make things easier.

After a few more seconds of hesitation, Kara shook his hand. "Kara Thrace." It was almost unsettling, meeting Zak again, but this time for real. There was no avoiding it, however; they would be living together in the same bunkroom for an untold amount of time.

Kara slipped her hand out of Zak's and he looked at her for a few moments. "I'm sorry," he said eventually.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "What the cylons did to you, to us, was horrible, and I'm sorry you had to go through it."

Kara couldn't think of anything to say, so she simply nodded.

Zak gave her a tentative smile. "Well, I'm heading to the mess for some supper. Do you want to …?"

He tilted his head toward the hatch. Kara raised her eyebrows in surprise, she certainly hadn't been expecting an invitation. She opened her mouth to say no, but thought better of it. If she wanted to get over this whole thing, and she did, more than anything, she had to face everything, including Zak Adama. "Sure."

* * *

Zak had been more than a little surprised that Kara had agreed to eat dinner with him, but pleasantly so. He needed a chance to talk to her. He'd come to the conclusion that if he wanted to give his brother and Kara a nudge in the right direction, he'd have to go through Kara. His brother was stubborn as hell, and Zak knew that no matter what reasoning or logic he used, he would never be able to convince Lee to tell Kara how he felt. From what Zak had seen, Lee cherished Kara's friendship more than anything, and he wouldn't be willing to jeopardize it. Zak just hoped Kara was more of a risk taker.

Zak stepped into the short line behind Kara and began dishing out some kind of supper onto his plate. There wasn't much left, as they'd come after the dinner rush, but there was enough. He followed Kara to a table near the back corner of the mess; it was the same one Lee always sat at.

Without any preamble Kara took a seat and began to dig in. The look on her face turned to disgust as she tasted her dinner, but she forced it down anyway. Zak tasted his own and found it wasn't too bad. Not great by any means, but certainly bearable.

"You actually like this stuff?" Kara asked around a mouthful of food.

Zak shrugged. "It's a hell of a lot better than the slop I was forced to eat when I was a prisoner of the cylons."

Kara snorted, but didn't say anything.

They ate in silence. If Kara was uncomfortable, which Zak suspected she was, she wasn't showing it. When she was finished she pushed her tray away from her and leaned back in her chair, folding her arms across her chest.

"Why did you invite me to eat with you?"

Zak almost choked on his mouthful of food. He swallowed and took a drink of water. "Am I not allowed?"

Kara narrowed her eyes at him. "You don't know me. If you've heard anything about me from the pilots I can guarantee you that most of it was bad. So why?"

Zak smirked. "The only person who's talked about you is Lee, and he had nothing bad to say." Zak thought he might have seen the slightest hint of a blush on her cheeks, but it could also have been the light in the mess.

After a few more seconds of silence Zak said, "You're lucky."

"What?"

"Lee really cares about you."

This time there was no mistaking it; there was definitely a faint blush on her cheeks. "He's my… best friend. We've been through a lot."

Zak smiled. "You shouldn't let something that good pass you by."

"What are you talking about?"

Zak leaned forward, bracing his elbows on the table. "I mean that the two of you could be very happy together."

Kara stiffened and sat up straight in her chair. "We're just friends."

Zak nodded. "And until one of you makes a move that's how things are going to stay."

"I told you, we're just friends."

"Fine. But I know my brother. He doesn't have to say anything, I can just tell. His feelings for you go way past friendship. And I also know that he won't tell you because he's afraid to wreck what you already have. So what you have to decide is if you're satisfied with being content, or if you want to be happy."

Zak pushed back his chair and stood up. He'd definitely given her enough to think about.

* * *

Kara stared at Zak's back as he left the mess hall. Everything he'd just told her was running through her mind. Whatever she'd been expecting when she'd agreed to eat with Zak, it hadn't been this.

Their conversation had left her confused, unsettled and nervous. Could any of it be true? Did Lee really feel that way about her? If it had been anyone else telling her, she would have dismissed the information out of hand, but this was Zak, Lee's brother. He had absolutely no reason to lie to her, and the only impression she'd gotten from him was that he was trying to do what he thought was best for Lee.

There were times when she'd thought that Lee maybe wanted her. She'd always written it off as her own wishful thinking, but maybe that wasn't the case.

"_So what you have to decide is if you're satisfied with being content, or if you want to be happy."_

Gods, could she really be _happy_? She'd given up on that dream so long ago that she'd forgotten she wanted it in the first place. Just thinking about being in a relationship with Lee made her giddy, scared and hopeful all at the same time. She was quite aware that she had non-platonic feelings for Lee, but she had never considered that they could maybe turn their friendship into something more; it was terrifying. But if it worked out, it would be well worth the risk.

* * *

Lee was lying in his bunk when he heard the hatch open. He opened his eyes and angled his head to see who it was. He was shocked to see Kara.

"What are you doing here?" He asked as he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed to touch the deck.

"I live here," she teased half-heartedly.

"I know that, I just…"

"Your couch is a piece of crap," she said, tentative smile creeping onto her face.

"So, you're…"

"Back."

Lee grinned. "Good. It's boring without you," he said lightly.

But it wasn't just that, Lee was relieved. The past few days Kara had seemed to be pulling herself together, but by deciding to move back into the bunkroom Lee knew for sure that she was going to be okay. He didn't know what he would have done if she hadn't come through this.

Kara walked over and sat down beside him. "So, does this mean you think my knee's healed enough for me to sleep up there?" She glanced above them at the top bunk.

It took Lee a few seconds to realize what she was talking about. "You can still have my bunk if you want."

He was surprised, but also glad when she didn't ask him why he was back in his bunk. Honestly, he didn't know what his response would have been. He knew the reason was that it made him feel closer to her, but he couldn't tell her that.

Kara shrugged and looked down at her knees. "It doesn't matter," she said quietly. Suddenly she seemed different, like she was preoccupied about something.

"Are you okay?" He asked, concern lacing his voice as he turned his head to look at her.

"Fine."

Except she wasn't fine. Her voice was tense, her shoulders were hunched, she wasn't meeting his gaze, and she was biting the corner of her bottom lip like she always did when she was nervous. Lee felt like an idiot as he realized that she was obviously still worried about sharing a bunkroom with Zak. Of course she was nervous.

Not sure what else he could do, Lee wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against his side in a semi-awkward one-armed hug. She leaned against him and rested her head on his shoulder. He rubbed her arm lightly and had to fight the urge to kiss her forehead. It seemed like every day it was becoming harder to resist such temptations. There were times he wished he could just come up with enough courage to tell her, but the thought of ruining their friendship always held him back.

"Listen," he said quietly, "I know it's not going to be easy, especially with Zak in our bunkroom, but you're the strongest person I know. You'll get through this."

She smiled weakly. "I know."

He squeezed her arm reassuringly and Kara shifted so that her head was resting more comfortably on his shoulder. She seemed content to stay like she was, and Lee was content to let her. It was comfortable, probably too comfortable, but Lee couldn't bring himself to break the contact.

A few minutes later she let out a huge yawn and Lee chuckled. "Tired?"

"Apparently," she replied as she pulled away, stretching her arms over her head.

"Me too." Lee stood up and moved toward the ladder, letting her keep his bunk for however long she wanted it.

"Lee?"

He turned to look back at Kara. "Yeah?"

"Do you want to go running in the morning?"

He found himself smiling widely. It had been ages since they'd ran together, and he missed it. "I'd love to."

* * *

Kara spent the better part of the night thinking about what Zak had said to her. She just couldn't shake the feeling he was right. But what did that mean? Was she supposed to make a move, tell Lee how she felt? The thought made her insides churn.

She had no problem charming men, but this was different, this was something much more. The only real relationship she'd been in had been with Zak, and that had ended horribly even when she thought he was human.

It felt like she was only just falling asleep when Lee pulled back her curtain and shook her shoulder gently. She groaned and pushed herself upright in bed. "Give me two minutes," she said groggily.

Lee nodded and went to wait in the hall. Less than two minutes later she exited the bunkroom, still tired, but dressed for a run. After double-checking that her brace was on correctly, she took off at a moderate pace. Lee immediately fell in step behind her.

After ten minutes or so they stopped for a quick stretch. As Kara was loosening up her quads, Lee asked, "Are you okay?" He seemed to genuinely care, and it made Kara give more credence to the conversation that had originally made her feel so uneasy.

She nodded and gave him a small smile. "Just tired. You know how much I love early mornings."

Lee grinned. "I can sing if you want."

Kara laughed and switched so she was stretching her other leg. "No. That's fine." Lee enjoyed pissing her off by singing the perky and annoying academy songs when they ran. He hadn't in a long time, and she was grateful. No one should be that chipper early in the morning.

When they started running again Kara tried to remember the last time they'd done this. It seemed like forever. Thinking back she realized that it practically was. At one time it had been a habit for them to run together, but then things had gotten crazy and never let up. The last time had been the morning after Colonial Day.

She shuddered as she thought of that day and what had happened. She'd never seen Lee so pissed before, and it was the first time he'd ever been angry enough to hit her. It suddenly dawned on her—_he'd been jealous_. She'd been so caught up in her own embarrassment that she hadn't realized. Previously she'd thought he was just mad because she was stupid enough to get drunk and sleep with someone so repulsive and vile, but that wasn't it at all. It wouldn't have mattered who she went home with, it was the fact that it hadn't been him.

The revelation shocked Kara, and she realized she'd made up her mind. She was going to tell him how she felt.

TBC


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Throughout the entire day Kara kept replaying Zak's words, over and over in her head. According to him, Lee's feelings for her were deeper than friendship. Initially the information had shocked her, but the more she thought about it, the more she saw the truth in it. There was something between them; something tangible, and she didn't want to miss out on it.

One of them had to make a move, and according to Zak it wasn't going to be Lee. That left the ball in her court.

Kara was more nervous than she could ever remember. She was going to tell Lee—her best friend—that she was in love with him. Knowing that she was about to do something that would change her life scared the shit out of her, but at the same time she was excited. So long as Zak hadn't lied to her, and Lee really did feel the same way, it would be for the best.

She'd spent a lot of time trying to figure out what she was going to say, but now it was time to act. Kara had just come off shift. After quickly showering and changing into BDUs she left the bunkroom in search of Lee. She did her best to ignore the fluttery feeling in her stomach, and the unexpected chill down her spine.

As she rounded the last corner on her way to his office, she saw him walking only a few paces ahead of her, scanning over reports as he went. "Lee," she called out as she jogged the last few steps to catch up with him.

He paused, and when he turned around he looked surprised, but pleased to see her. "Hey," he said as he closed the files and tucked them under his arm.

"Hey," she replied as she stopped beside him. "Can I, um, talk to you for a second?"

Lee nodded. "Sure. What's up?"

Kara took a deep breath to steady her nerves. "Actually, can we talk somewhere private?"

Concern lined Lee's face. "Yeah, is everything…?"

Kara nodded quickly. "Everything's good. I just… it's personal."

Lee still seemed a little worried, but he didn't press it. "Is my office okay?"

Kara nodded. When they got there, Lee punched in his pass code and swung open the hatch, gesturing for Kara to go in first. She gave him a shy smile and stepped in. Lee entered directly behind her, closing the hatch and dogging it.

After tossing the papers on his desk, he turned around so that he was leaning against the front of it, facing her. "So…"

Kara inhaled deeply. This was her last chance to back out, but she wouldn't. It was all or nothing, and the odds were in her favor.

"There's something I want to tell you." Her voice seemed almost unsteady, but she hoped Lee wouldn't notice. She was doing everything she could to not seem nervous, even though she was, more than anything.

"Okay, shoot." Lee was looking directly into her eyes, probably trying to reassure her, but his intensity was only making her insides churn more.

"I…" Kara bit her bottom lip between her teeth, hard enough that she almost drew blood. She couldn't believe she was freezing up. "I…"

Lee pushed himself off the desk and stepped towards her, gently grabbing a hold of her arms just above the elbow. "Kara, are you sure everything's okay?" Gods, he cared _so_ much. She felt her heart speed up, and she was sure that Lee would be able to hear it pounding against her ribcage.

She nodded, taking another deep breath. "Yeah. It's just really important."

"Kara, you know you can tell me anything, right?" He was completely earnest.

For some reason that helped to calm her. "Yeah, I know."

Lee smiled, making her feel better. "Good."

"Listen, Lee, I'm just going to say it. Okay?"

He nodded. "Okay."

She took another deep breath. "I love you."

* * *

Lee had never been more shocked in his entire life. Everything seemed to stop as he tried to wrap his mind around what Kara had just said. 

"What?" He asked, needing to hear it again to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"I love you," Kara stated, her voice trembling slightly. "I have for a long time."

She loved him. Just like he loved her, she loved him. Happiness flooded through him, and he tried to get his mouth to work so he could say it back, but it wasn't cooperating.

"Lee?" She prompted, sounding unsure for the first time since stepping into his office.

Looking into her eyes he could see how nervous and hopeful she was, and suddenly his tongue was working again. "Kara, I l—"

He was cut off by the blaring of the alarm klaxons and a page over the intercom. _"Action stations, action stations. Set condition one throughout the ship. This is not a drill."_

Kara swore vehemently and gave Lee an apologetic look before wheeling around to undog the hatch. He understood. No matter what, their jobs had to come first. But it didn't stop him from hating the cylons more than ever. Even as he followed Kara out of his office at a sprint, he couldn't believe the bad timing they had. Kara had told him she loved him, and before he could say it back the cylons had arrived. _She loved him._ Lee grinned in spite of the situation.

They were halfway to the hangar deck, running at full speed, when the entire ship lurched and shuttered, throwing them to the deck. Lee's knees crashed into the unyielding surface of the deck hard enough to make him see stars. Before he could even think about getting up the lights had gone off, leaving the hallway illuminated only by emergency power.

"Kara," he called out as he pushed himself upright.

"I'm fine," she said, gritting her teeth as she stood up.

He could see her, only a few feet ahead of him, and he knew that she couldn't be fine. His knees were screaming in pain from the fall, and he couldn't imagine how much hers hurt. Despite that she didn't complain, and only favored her one leg slightly.

"What the hell's going on?" She asked as he stepped up beside her.

Lee felt fear begin to gnaw at his gut as the familiarity of the situation sunk in. "I think the cylons just boarded."

* * *

"What?!" Kara whipped her head around to look at Lee. He looked sure of himself, and suddenly Kara remembered Kat bragging about how she and some of the other pilots had taken down two centurions heading for aft damage control. She'd been on Caprica at the time, and Lee hadn't. While Kara had been busy retrieving the arrow of Apollo, Lee had been stuck on Galactica, dealing with a multitude of things including a cylon boarding party. He would know. "Frak." 

"Kara, we need to get to…"

"Aft damage control," she said, finishing his sentence as she took off towards the nearest arms locker. Her knee throbbed, but she shoved it to the back of her mind, focusing everything she had on getting to the arms locker.

When they got to there, Lee told her to grab as many explosive rounds as she could. Kara raided the storage units while Lee used the phone to call up to CIC. It took only a few seconds for them to confirm that his guess had been right. She vaguely heard Lee telling whomever it was on the other end of the line that he was heading for aft damage control.

Kara pressed a gun into his hand, along with half of the rounds she'd found. As she was loading her gun, she saw that Lee wasn't moving. Looking up, she met his gaze; he looked terrified.

"You should stay here," he said, his voice thick with worry.

Kara shook her head vehemently. "Like hell."

"Kara—"

"—No!" She said firmly, cutting him off. "I don't want to lose you either Lee, but we both know that our chances are better together. When it's the two of us, we always get through. No matter what."

She gave him what she hoped was a convincing look, and he nodded sharply, before breaking out of his reverie and loading his gun as well. As he turned to leave, Lee stepped close to her. He cupped her face with one hand and leaned down, kissing her fully on the lips.

Kara's heart soared and for a second she forgot about everything that was going on, and kissed him back. Her fingers twined in the short hairs on the back of his neck, increasing the pressure between them. Lee's mouth slid open and Kara's tongue darted out to taste him. The sensation made her knees go weak.

A second later they broke apart. The reality of their situation came crashing back down. They shared one glance before rushing out of the arms locker.

They moved as quickly and as quietly as they could, Lee in front and Kara bringing up the rear. The ship was eerily dark, and Kara felt unnerved, although she'd never show it. The path had so far been clear, and to see the hallways so empty was even more unsettling. It didn't surprise her though. Due to the time of day everyone was likely to either be on shift, in the rec room or sleeping. For all they knew they could be the only two people between the cylons and their destination.

It didn't take very long for their breathing to become labored. In addition, the pain in Kara's knee had risen to a nearly excruciating level, but she didn't let it affect her pace.

Suddenly Lee slowed to a walk, forcing her to as well. Then she heard it, the grating sound of metal on metal. The centurions were ahead of them. They hadn't been able to cut them off. Just as Kara's mind started brainstorming for other plans she noticed that the noise was getting louder. The centurions were coming towards them.

Then she heard the same noise, but from behind her. It was also getting louder. "What the frak," she muttered under her breath. Her adrenaline immediately kicked into overdrive.

Lee had heard it too because he was frantically glancing back and forth between both directions of the hallway. He looked just as confused as she felt, though it wasn't any consolation. It almost seemed like they were being hunted. A chill ran down Kara's spine and she shuddered.

The noises were growing louder still. The cylons were close. They needed to do something, and fast. Kara met Lee's eyes for only a fraction of a second. He nodded and at the same time they both raised their weapons and ran towards aft damage control. If there weren't too many cylons they might have a chance at breaking through.

Kara sent a quick and silent prayer to the gods. Her life couldn't end now, not after she was finally getting what she wanted. The kiss that she'd shared with Lee in the arms locker was not going to be their last, not if she had anything to say about it.

They'd barely made six feet before they caught a glimpse of metal toaster around the corner. They came to a halt and crouched down against the wall, in a more easily defendable position.

"Headshots," Lee whispered, and Kara nodded.

It was the last thing Kara heard before sounds of gunfire filled the air as they both took aim and fired. Kara didn't let herself think about anything past shooting toasters and reloading her gun. She took down four centurions, and Lee got three before their ammo ran out.

She began to panic as she realized that there were still at least a dozen more coming, plus whatever cylons were closing in behind them. They only had seconds.

"Hello, Kara," a chilling voice said from behind her.

Both Kara and Lee shot up onto their feet. Bile rose in her throat as she recognized the human model leading the cylons that had come from the other direction. _Leoben._ Her entire body stiffened immediately.

The centurions had surrounded them, but they weren't firing. In fact, they hadn't fired a single shot yet. Kara shuddered as she realized that they had never been heading for aft damage control, they were after her.

Lee stepped closer to her. His arm was brushing against hers. He was silently encouraging her, and giving her strength.

"What do you want?" She asked, her voice strong and defiant.

Leoben smiled, as if he'd been anticipating the question. "You've taken something of ours."

He didn't have to elaborate, Kara knew exactly what he was referring to: the humans that the cylons had cloned.

"And now you want them back?" She tried to keep her voice strong and free of fear. She wasn't going to let him see her squirm.

Leoben shook his head and laughed. "No. It would be pointless. The secret has already been revealed."

"Then what do you want?" Lee demanded, speaking up for the first time.

The cylon sneered, but didn't look at Lee, he kept his gaze firmly set on Kara. "Retribution. Such an act cannot be taken lightly." He stepped closer, and Kara had to use all of her willpower to remain where she was and not take a step back.

"Do you remember what I told you, Kara? You have a destiny." His voice was calm and sure, sending chills down her spine.

She shook her head viciously. "There's no such thing as destiny." She hadn't believed him when he'd told her during the interrogation, and she didn't believe him now.

"Ah, but there's where you're wrong." He took another step towards her and she could feel the tension radiating from Lee, but neither of them moved. "I've seen your destiny, Kara. But you've angered God, and now his plans for you have changed." He advanced another step. "You're coming with us."

In a flash of movement Lee stepped between her and Leoben. "No, she isn't." Kara had never before heard such staunch determination in his voice.

A sinister grin covered the cylon's face. "Ah, but she is." When Lee didn't move, Leoben raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Fine." He looked over his shoulder at a centurion. "Shoot him."

Before the metal cylon's arm was fully raised, Kara had pushed past so that she was in front of Lee. "No." She was not going to let Lee die. They didn't want him; they wanted her.

The centurion paused, awaiting Leoben's order.

"Kara," Lee whispered behind her, but she ignored him.

Her heart was racing, every muscle in her body was tense, and she felt nauseous, yet she knew she was about to do the right thing. "I'll go with you if you let him live."

"Kara, no!" Lee pleaded. He gripped her waist and tried to push her out of the way, but she stayed rooted to the spot.

"Promise me that he'll be fine, and I'll leave willingly." Tears were building up in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. It was the only option. At least this way Lee would be safe.

Leoben smiled. "Have it your way." He nodded his head slightly, and before Kara had a chance to register what was going on, she heard a loud thump from behind her. Suddenly Lee's hands were no longer holding onto her, and he had fallen to the ground. A blow to the head from a centurion had left him unconscious.

Kara felt her heart plunge into her stomach at seeing him like that. Her eyes were burning with unshed tears, and a protest was rising to her lips, but she bit it back. At least he was still alive.

Turning back around she saw that Leoben had closed the final distance between them and was standing directly in front of her. He reached out to run a cold finger down her cheek, but Kara flinched away.

The look on his face turned to one of disappointment. Without any warning his fist came up and hit her upper arm, bringing with it the familiar sting of a needle.

The drug's effect was near immediate. Her vision started to blur and she felt dizziness kicking in.

"It's not that I don't trust you, Kara, but I can't risk you trying to escape."

Leoben's gloating voice was the last thing she remembered before slipping into a black oblivion.

TBC

**A/N:** I'd just like to thank everyone who has reviewed this story. Your feedback means a lot to me. I do reply to the majority of signed reviews, but for those of you that I missed, and for the people leaving anonymous reviews: Thank you. It really does motivate me to write more.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

When Maggie heard the alarm claxons go off she dropped her gym bag and bolted out the hatch. After so long on the run, the reaction was instinctive. Alarms meant cylons, which meant every available pilot to the hangar deck ASAP. She hadn't made it very far, maybe a third of the way, when Galactica's deck rolled and spasmed beneath her. Caught completely unaware, only her good balance and sudden grip on a nearby hatch stopped her from crashing to her knees. Before she could even venture to guess what that meant the overhead lights shut off as if someone had flicked a switch. Her body tensed as she realized she had seen this before. The cylons had boarded.

"Frak!" She swore before taking off down the hallway again, but she was no longer headed for the hangar deck, not if there were cylons on board. What she needed were weapons, explosive rounds to be exact.

She found that the nearest arms locker had already been raided, but there was still some ammo left. Grabbing what she could carry, she headed for aft damage control. The hallways were eerily silent, though it made sense since everyone had probably made it to their posts by now. She would have too had she not been practically on the other side of the ship when the cylons attacked.

Maggie was two turns away from aft damage control when she heard a single voice talking. Her heart stammered in fear the second she recognized it as Zak's. Forgetting caution she rushed around the corner. She breathed a huge sigh of relief when she saw him kneeling on the deck, unharmed. Zak glanced up at her with an almost panicked look in his eyes.

A second, more thorough look told her the person he was leaning over wasn't fine. After quickly scanning the surrounding area, Maggie dropped to her knees on the other side of Apollo.

"What happened?" She demanded as she scanned over Zak's brother for signs of injury.

"I have no idea," Zak replied. His voice was steady, not even hinting at the worry he must be feeling for his brother. "I was on my way to the hangar deck, to see if I could help, and I found him like this."

Zak reached around to the back of Lee's head, touching it gently. When he pulled his fingers away they were covered in blood.

Maggie gulped. "Maybe he tripped and hit his head when the cylons boarded."

Zak's eyes widened it outright fear. "What?!"

Maggie cursed under her breath. Of course he wouldn't know. "The cylons boarded Galactica. I'll explain later, but first we need to get him to sickbay."

Zak gritted his teeth and nodded. "But we can't move him Maggie, he has a head injury. We both know how serious that could be."

He was right. Neither of them knew how bad this really was, and they could be risking more damage if they acted in haste. "Fine," Maggie stated. As she stood up she passed her gun to Zak along with the spare rounds she'd gathered. "There's a phone in the arms locker I just came from. I'll call to sickbay and tell them we need a med team down here. You stay and defend this position."

Maggie left before he had a chance to protest. She knew Zak, and the next thing out of his mouth would have been an objection to the plan. He would have insisted on her keeping the gun or something stupid like that.

She had just relayed the message to the acting medical officer in charge when she felt the familiar tug of an FTL jump. It wasn't as disorienting as the jolting motion of the battlestar had been, but she still staggered. They had jumped, which meant the cylon threat had been eliminated. She breathed a sigh of relief but still opted to take a spare weapon back with her just in case.

Just as she made it back to Zak and Apollo the lights flickered back on.

"What's happening?" Zak asked. To anyone else he would appear calm and collected, but she knew him well enough to read the subtle signs, and although he was hiding it better now he was still just as worried as he had been.

Maggie knelt down on the other side of Apollo. "A med team will be here as soon as they can. We've jumped which means the cylon threat must have been eliminated. And it looks like we have power back." She gave him a small smile. "It's going to be okay."

Zak nodded at the same time a quiet moan filled the air. Simultaneously they glanced down at Apollo. He hadn't moved, but the sound had definitely come from him.

"Lee," Zak said quietly. "Lee, you need to wake up."

Another moan, this one a little louder, filled the air.

Zak glanced over at her once before refocusing his attention on his brother. "Lee, the medics will be here soon, just hang in there." Zak squeezed Apollo's shoulder lightly.

A second later Maggie noticed the CAG's eyelids flutter open. He squinted at the harsh light, but didn't close his eyes. "What happened?"

* * *

Lee's head was throbbing, creating a sharp increase of pain at the base of his skull with every heartbeat. It hurt so much. His body wanted nothing more than to slide back into the comforting black oblivion, but he wouldn't let it. He didn't know why, but he couldn't allow that to happen. He needed to stay awake.

"What happened?" He found himself asking as he tried to push himself up into a sitting position. His muscles didn't want to cooperate, so it was a good thing that Zak wrapped an arm around his shoulder and helped him.

"You must have fallen and hit your head," Zak explained. "Don't worry, the medics are on their way."

Lee struggled to remember the muddled details. The last thing he remembered clearly was Kara saying she loved him. His entire body turned rigid as all the memories flooded back. "Kara," he choked on her name.

Before he knew it he had staggered to his feet. He needed to find her. An unyielding pressure on his shoulders held him back.

"What the hell are you doing? You're injured and bleeding!" Zak demanded. His hands were grasping Lee's shoulders tightly.

Lee tried to pull himself free, but the sudden movement caused everything around him to lurch and he stumbled. Zak's hold on him was the only thing that kept him upright.

"I need to find her!" There was no room for argument in his voice.

It was Maggie who replied. "Sir, I'm sure she's fine. She's probably in the hangar—"

"No! The cylons…" He gulped as the exact details resurfaced in his mind. "The cylons took her." No, he thought, _she let them take her so he could live_.

Lee continued. "We need to stop them before they leave the ship." They just had to move fast, but they could do it.

"Lee…" Zak's voice was hesitant. "We've already jumped."

Lee froze. Suddenly he couldn't breathe. "No!" It couldn't be true. She wasn't gone. "No!" He repeated, his voice raw with emotion.

"Lee, I'm sorry."

Something broke inside of him as the reality of the situation hit him full force. Harsh, angry sobs caught in his throat in a race to escape. His legs crumpled beneath him, and he fell to the ground.

Tears burned his eyes and he couldn't see, but it didn't matter. She was gone.

* * *

Gone. Lee shuddered, but continued to stare blankly ahead at the curtain around the sickbay cubicle. He couldn't believe she was gone. For a few minutes he'd been the happiest man in the entire fleet, and now… Tears burned in his eyes but didn't fall. Now he had nothing.

Cottle had said he was in shock, or at least that's what Lee thought. He didn't know for sure because he couldn't concentrate on anything past the harsh ache that filled his chest, threatening to consume him from the inside out.

Everything, all the details on what was going on around him just seemed to float by, utterly unimportant. He thought he might have heard both his father and his brother talking in the waiting area. He probably had, but he didn't care, nothing mattered anymore.

_"Promise me that he'll be fine, and I'll leave willingly."_ Those were the last words he'd heard her say. She'd sacrificed herself for him. But it wasn't fair, because he couldn't get through this without her. He needed her, his other half.

Lee shivered, suddenly feeling cold. Just like when he'd ejected from the blackbird. The cold had seeped into him, settling itself against his bones, contaminating him. For so long he thought he would never rid himself of the horrible feeling, he'd given up hope. Then Kara had helped him, made everything right again. She'd saved him.

Another shiver came, causing him to tremble so hard that his teeth clattered together. A nurse walked in with a warm blanket, telling him that it would help. She placed it around his shoulders, and when he didn't move, she pulled it tightly around him.

It didn't help. This wasn't the kind of cold that could be fought with thermal heat. What he needed was Kara. He bit back a sob. But she couldn't save him again. She was gone.

Tears began to slide down his cheeks. He hadn't even been able to tell her that he loved her.

* * *

Maggie entered sickbay and immediately found Zak. He was standing off to the side of the waiting area. Stepping up beside him she slipped her hand into his. "How's he doing?" She asked quietly.

Zak seemed to be lost deep in thought, and it took him a few seconds to answer. "He has a bad concussion. Cottle's keeping him for observation."

Zak didn't look at her. His gaze was firmly fixed on a cubicle a few feet away. His voice sounded hollow, almost dead. Maggie squeezed his hand reassuringly and stepped closer, so that she was just leaning against his side. "He's going to be fine, Zak."

"Medically speaking." Was the terse response she received.

Maggie sighed. Zak was right, medically speaking Apollo would be fine. Otherwise… She'd been there to witness his breakdown after he'd realized Starbuck was gone. It was a reaction Maggie never would have expected. He was Apollo, Galactica's CAG, someone who was always completely in control. Except he hadn't been, not when he'd found out the cylons had left with Kara.

Maggie knew that other pilots gossiped about the two of them, but she'd never been one to get involved in that. She knew the two were friends, close friends, but as far as she knew there was no proof that they'd been anything more. But perhaps this was proof enough.

"He loves her," Zak said, his voice was quiet enough that only she could hear. "And now he's lost her. I know exactly what that feels like."

Maggie felt her throat tighten and tears prick at the corners of her eyes. She pulled Zak into a hug. He wrapped her up in his arms tightly. She sent a silent prayer to the Gods. They had brought her and Zak back together, and with any luck they could do it for Starbuck and Apollo too.

* * *

Kara struggled to overcome the last remnants of the drug's effect. When she finally forced her eyes open, she reeled at the sight before her. She was on Caprica. A quick glance around her barren and antiseptic smelling prison revealed a shattered mirror. She shuddered. It was even the same room.

Her limbs felt unnaturally heavy; no doubt an after effect of the drug Leoben had injected her with. Despite that she still tried to push herself upright in bed. She met resistance as previously unnoticed restraints pulled tight against her wrists and ankles. Kara swore and tried harder, but they wouldn't budge.

Adrenaline surged through her veins as she began to panic. She had to escape. She needed to get back to Galactica, back to Lee.

Her eyes fell shut as she remembered the urgency and fear in his voice as he'd pleaded with her not to go with Leoben. Tears burned in her eyes. She'd had to do it; it was the only way to ensure his safety.

She was so caught up in her thoughts that the sound of the door creaking open and closed didn't register until the cylon was already at the foot of her bed.

"Hello, Kara."

Her eyes flew open and her jaw dropped in shock as she recognized the cylon. "Zak?"

He smiled at her as he took a seat in a nearby chair. It wasn't sinister, in fact it almost seemed as if he was genuinely pleased to see her. "Yes, it's me."

He had been the one who tricked her. He'd used her. Anger filled her as she renewed her struggle against her bonds. "Get out," she said through gritted teeth. "Get the frak out."

"I came to talk," he explained in an irritatingly calm manner. "I owe you an explanation, Kara. Please, hear me out."

"I guess I don't really have a choice," she spat out as she fixed him with a hate filled glare.

Cylon Zak shrugged. "Everyone always has a choice, including cylons. I made my choice Kara. I saved you from your supposed destiny. Whether you choose to believe me or not, or to even hear the story, well that's up to you."

A chill ran down her spine. "What the frak are you talking about?"

Leaning forward, he braced his elbows on his knees. "Do you know what my mission was, Kara?" He waited until she shook her head before continuing. "My mission was to make you fall in love me."

She opened her mouth to make an angry retort, but he kept on speaking.

"Or at least that was the first part. They told me it was for the best and I believed them. When they told me the next part of the mission, I began to question whether or not we were doing the right thing."

"What was it?" She asked. The anger she'd been feeling was slowly replaced by fear. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer.

The cylon shook his head. "What difference does it make? All that matters is that I stopped it from happening. I sabotaged the mission by crashing that viper. There was no way they could send me back in a new body, because as far as everyone knew I was dead."

He sighed. "I never wanted to hurt you, Kara, but I know that I did. I was never in love with you. I respected you, admired you even, and that was why I realized what we were doing was so wrong. I didn't agree with the cylon plan, I still don't. More importantly, I couldn't sacrifice you so that the rest of the cylons could reach their goal."

Kara wasn't sure what to think. Her mind was reeling with an overload of information, but somewhere in the back of her mind she believed him. She had no concrete reason to trust him, yet her gut was telling her she should, and her instincts were rarely, if ever, wrong.

"And what now?" She asked bitterly. Maybe he was sorry, but that didn't change her current situation.

He stood up and made his way over to her side. Reaching across the bed he undid the restraint on her arm, before quickly doing the same to the other. By the time she'd pulled her wrists free of the loosened leather, he'd released her ankles as well.

"Now I'm going to help you escape."

TBC


	24. Chapter 24

**Previously:**

_"And what now?" She asked bitterly. Maybe he was sorry, but that didn't change her current situation._

Cylon Zak stood up and made his way over to her side. Reaching across the bed he undid the restraint on her arm, before quickly doing the same to the other. By the time she'd pulled her wrists free of the loosened leather, he'd released her ankles as well.

"Now I'm going to help you escape."

**Chapter 24**

Kara hopped out of the hospital bed quickly, afraid that the offer was too good to be true. She winced when the sudden movement caused pain to flare up in her knee. She'd forgotten that she'd aggravated the old injury when Galactica had been boarded.

The cylon Zak raised one eyebrow inquisitively. "I'm here to _help_ you, Kara."

She wanted to trust him, but it didn't make sense. "Why?" She demanded as she gritted her teeth against the throb of discomfort.

He stared at her. "Because I owe you at least that much."

"What about the other cylons? Are they just going to let you help me?"

He shook his head. "No. The others don't know I'm here. As far as they know, you're still sedated, and will be for at least two more days. They want to weaken you first."

Kara fought back a shudder as horrible possibilities of what her 'destiny' might be filled her mind. "Then how come I'm awake?"

The cylon let out an impatient sigh. "Because I took out your IV a few hours ago. Listen, we need to act now, or you're never getting out of here. I have everything set up, you just need to trust me."

He didn't wait for a response, just walked over to where he'd been sitting previously and picked up a small pile of clothes. He passed them over to her and she saw that they were her BDUs. "Put them on," he instructed.

When she hesitated, he gave her a hard look. "This will be your only chance to get out Kara. Are you really going to pass it up?" He turned around, waiting for her to change. He already knew what her decision would be.

Kara stripped off the flimsy hospital gown and reached for the garments. As she was doing so, a question popped into her mind. "How long have I been here?" She hadn't really thought about it much at first, but there was a good chance it had been several hours or maybe even days since she'd arrived.

"Leoben brought you in early yesterday morning. It took me nearly all of this time to get everything ready."

Kara nodded even though the cylon couldn't see her. Two days wasn't that long, but for some it might seem like an eternity. Her chest ached as she wondered how Lee was holding up. She shook the feeling off. She could find out when she got herself off this hellhole of a planet.

Kara pulled on her clothes and felt comforted by the familiar material resting against her skin. "Ready," she stated as she started to walk toward the door. Her knee protested her actions, but she shoved any thoughts of her injury to the back of her mind. She couldn't afford any distractions right now.

The cylon lifted the back of his shirt and pulled out a gun from the waistband of his pants. He passed it to her before pulling out a second from a holster around his ankle. "Follow my lead."

They snuck through the hallways of the complex as quietly as possible. Many times they were forced to duck into small alcoves, or side rooms to avoid patrolling centurions and other human models. With each near miss, Kara was more and more grateful that she had a cylon on her side. Doing this alone would have been impossible. They'd definitely upped security since the last time she was there.

After waiting for a Simon model to pass, she followed Zak out of their hiding spot. They jogged down the hallway, being as stealthy as possible. They passed a set of large doors, and recognition flared. That was the way out.

"Hey," she whispered, grabbing onto his arm with one hand. "Where the frak are we going?!"

Slowing slightly, he turned to look over his shoulder and motioned for her to be quiet. "There's someone else we need to pick up."

She was confused, and there was no doubt that it showed on her face.

The cylon turned his back to her again, and picked up his previous pace. He whispered quietly, "You're not the only one they took from Galactica."

* * *

It had been two days since the cylons boarded Galactica. In many ways it seemed like it had been much longer. Maggie couldn't believe the change in the atmosphere of the ship. Starbuck was gone, and it seemed to be affecting everyone. It was like she had been their good luck charm, and without her, the crew didn't know what to do. Knowing that there was no chance of a rescue mission, as no one knew where the cylons had taken her, only served to make things more difficult, diminishing whatever hope may have been left. But Maggie knew that no matter how hard it was for the crew, for the CAG it was a million times worse. 

Cottle had cleared him and sent him out of sickbay, but that didn't mean he was okay. Maggie had been there when he returned to the bunkroom. The sight of him walking into the pilots' quarters was haunting her. He looked like he had completely given up on life.

It also pained her to think of Helo. He had to be in just as much pain, though possibly even more. In one day he'd lost the woman he loved, his unborn child and a good friend. She'd only seen him in passing earlier that morning, but she'd immediately noticed that he looked haggard and distant. After dinner she would seek him out and see if she could do anything to help, even if it was only listening. Now someone just needed to do that for Apollo as well.

Maggie grabbed her food tray, filling it with whatever crap they were passing off as supper, and made her way over to where Zak was sitting. "Hey," she said quietly as she slipped into the seat across from him.

He looked up at her for a brief second. "Hey." He went back to pushing the food around on his plate.

Maggie sighed and leaned back in her chair. She knew that Zak was worried about his brother, but Zak sitting there wasn't helping either of them. "You should talk to him," she advised, still keeping her voice low, just barely audible over the always present din of the mess hall.

Zak dropped his fork and looked across the table at her. "I tried Mags, but he just lies in his bunk."

"Try again. Just because he's not saying anything doesn't mean he's not listening. Tell him that you understand. I know it's not going to bring her back, but maybe it'll help, at least a little."

She watched Zak as he thought it over. "You're right. I should talk to him." He sighed and leaned forward, bracing his elbows on the edge of the table. "I just hate seeing him like this. He's not Lee when he's like this."

Maggie reached across and took one of Zak's hands in hers. "None of us like seeing him like this." She squeezed his hand once, in support. "Talk to him. It won't hurt."

* * *

"Sharon?!" Kara exclaimed as she entered the holding room that Zak had led her to. It was definitely Helo's Sharon. If the chains binding her against the wall hadn't given it away, the swell of her pregnancy would have. 

"Starbuck?" Sharon said, sounding both surprised and relieved. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I should ask you the same thing," Kara answered.

"The boarding party broke me out of Galactica's brig and drugged me. The next thing I knew I woke up here. On Caprica, so they tell me." Her voice was rushed and she seemed edgy. She was trying to repress her fear of the situation, but was only doing a mediocre job.

Zak pressed a key into Kara's hands and indicated that she undo Sharon's restraints. He moved over to stand guard beside the entrance to the room, gun held in position, ready to fire at a moment's notice.

Kara began undoing the locks on the shackles. "We're getting you out here." She quickly glanced back over her shoulder to where Zak was standing

Sharon's face hardened and she rubbed at the places where the metal had made marks on her wrists. "How did you know we were here?" She asked, directing her question at Zak.

He answered, but didn't turn to face them. "I overheard some of the others discussing your arrival. This isn't a trick, Sharon, I'm going to get the two of you out of here."

"Zak, are you sure about this?" She sounded skeptical, and maybe a bit worried.

"Yes, I am."

Kara glanced back and forth between the two of them, puzzled.

Sharon stepped out of the ankle restraints. "Do you know what they'll do to you?"

He nodded, but still kept his gaze firmly on the doorway. "I do."

"Wait," Kara interjected. "What are they going to do to him? They can't kill him, he'll just wake up in another body."

"No, they won't kill him," Sharon clarified, a solemn look covering her face. "But for cylons there are some things worse than death."

"What are you talking about?"

Sharon gave Zak a sympathetic glance. "Boxing. They'll put his—"

"There's no time for delays, Sharon," Zak said harshly. "We have to move, now."

* * *

Two days. In the grand scheme of things it wasn't that long, barely the blink of an eye, but for Lee the past two days had seemed like an eternity. Two days without Kara, was two days not worth living. There was nothing left for him. She was gone. 

There would be no rescue mission. Even if they had known where the cylons had taken Kara, which base ship or even which planet, they couldn't afford to.

Lee wished that he could hope for her to somehow make it back to him, but the odds were too great, even for Starbuck. There was no way she could escape from a cylon prison on her own. The cylons wanted her; they'd come to Galactica looking for Sharon and Kara both. They would take every measure to ensure neither of their prisoners escaped.

Lee shuddered as he thought of what they might be doing to her, or what they might have already done. Anger burned, but he held it at bay. The only outward sign of the emotion was the tension in his hands as he clenched at the bed sheets beneath him.

He couldn't force himself to leave his bunk, it's where he'd been ever since being released from sickbay. It still smelled like her. But soon enough that would fade, and there would be nothing left but memories. They were memories that he'd been reliving over and over in his mind, all the moments they'd ever spent together, good and bad.

Lee knew he should have made a move sooner. He should have told that he loved her when he first realized it. But he hadn't. The only real kiss they would ever share, would be the one in the arms locker. He'd never be able to make love to her. But worst of all, he would never get the chance to say he loved her back.

* * *

The harsh glare of the setting sun assaulted Kara's eyes the moment she stepped outside. For a few seconds she couldn't see anything. She blinked rapidly, clearing her vision. Amazingly, they'd made it back to the exit without running into any cylons. She just wondered how much longer their luck would last. 

The clanking sound of centurions walking filtered down from the rooftop. Kara cursed under her breath and moved back to crouch against the wall, gaining what little protection she could from their surroundings. She made sure to pull Sharon with her. She may not like the cylon woman much, but if nothing else, Helo loved her, and that was a good enough reason for Kara.

Zak slid up beside her, gun aimed upwards, ready to fire if he had to. "The two of you need to make a run for it. See that path?" He asked, keeping his voice a whisper. He pointed to a small trail that entered into the surrounding forest. "Take that until you hit the clearing, then head North until you reach Delphi Union High School. As of yesterday the resistance was still there. I'm assuming you'll want to take them back with you."

Kara gulped, feeling a wash of guilt. She'd completely forgotten about the resistance, and about Sam. She forced the thoughts aside. No time for that now.

Zak continued on. "After that head five clicks east and you'll find three fueled heavy raiders waiting for you. The jump coordinates for Galactica's current position are already loaded into the nav systems."

He glanced at Kara for a brief second. Before she could register what was going on, he'd stepped towards her and slipped something into her pocket. She raised an eyebrow questioningly and moved her hand to remove whatever it was, but he shook his head. "Wait until you're safe, then look." He gave her a small smile. "Good luck."

"Wait," she whispered back angrily as she let her hand fall away from her pocket. "Why are you making it sound like you're not coming with us?"

His face turned even more somber. "Because I'm not. Someone needs to cover your retreat."

Kara opened her mouth to protest, but he shook his head once, harshly. "No, I can't go back with you. There's nothing for me on Galactica. The best thing I can do is make sure you get as much of a head start as possible. The cylons will try and follow you. I'll do what I can to stop them."

Kara felt a surge of emotion, something she couldn't quite place. Regret possibly. It seemed wrong that after all he'd done for them he'd be left to the mercy of the cylons.

Sharon rested her arm lightly on Kara's shoulder. "He's right, Starbuck."

Kara nodded, knowing that it was the truth. "Thank you," she said sincerely, catching Zak's eye.

He nodded his understanding before turning his attention back towards the roof. "Okay, on my mark."

* * *

When Zak entered the bunkroom, he found it empty, save for Lee who was lying in his rack. For a second Zak thought he was asleep, but after walking over he saw that wasn't the case. Lee was simply lying on his back, staring up at the bottom of the bunk above him, Kara's bunk. 

"I brought you some supper," Zak said, holding out the plate of food in front of him.

Lee didn't respond in any way, it was like he hadn't even noticed his brother come in.

"Lee," Zak prompted, knowing that he sounded worried, but not caring, it was the truth after all.

Zak sighed when his brother remained still, unmoving, not saying anything. "Lee, you need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

The response was so quiet that Zak barely heard the words.

"Just go away, Zak." Lee rolled over on his side, so that his back was facing his brother.

Zak set the plate down on the table in the center of the bunkroom. He pulled out one of the chairs and turned it to face Lee's bunk before sitting down in it. "No." Not surprisingly, Lee was unresponsive. Zak carried on. "I know exactly how you feel."

"No, you don't." Lee's voice was hard.

"Yes," Zak continued softly. "I do."

"I love her," Lee whispered. Zak could see his shoulders shaking. It hurt to see his brother so anguished.

"I know," Zak replied, keeping his voice calm and even. "You never told me, but I could tell."

"Now she's gone." Lee sounded odd, like he was trying to force the words out past an uprising of emotion.

"When the cylons kidnapped me, I thought I was never going to see Maggie again." He paused. "I do know what you're going through Lee."

"But you got her back," Lee said, turning angry. "You got another chance. I'm not going to get that, Zak. She's gone."

His shoulders were shaking even harder now, and Zak wanted nothing more than to be able to help, if only a little. After only a moment's hesitation he reached over and placed a comforting hand on Lee's shoulder. He may not be able to bring her back, but he could at least let Lee know that he was there for him.

* * *

Kara ran through the woods at a break neck speed, somehow managing to pull Sharon along behind her while dodging tree roots and logs. Branches whipped across her face and arms, creating small stinging cuts, but it didn't slow her down. If anything, the pain increased her focus. 

During their initial dash for the path in the trees, a few shots had rained down on them, but none had hit them. She had heard the return fire, and even though she hadn't looked back, Kara knew that Zak had taken out the centurions on the roof. After that she didn't know what he'd done, but for at least thirty minutes there had been no signs of pursuit.

Unfortunately that had changed. A few minutes ago both escapees had heard the telltale signs of centurions following them. The noises had been distant, but it wouldn't be much longer until the cylons caught up.

Despite her intensive field training, Kara couldn't tell how far they'd come. They had reached the clearing, then turned north, but other than that… She knew they'd made a lot of progress, but there was no way to tell how close they were to the resistance.

Kara sent up a silent prayer to the gods. If they didn't find help by the time the centurions caught them, all of this would have been for nothing. Not knowing that it was possible, Kara picked up her pace another notch.

She could hear Sharon panting for breath as they continued to sprint. The noise mixed with the sound of her own labored breathing and filled her ears. However it wasn't long until the sounds were drowned out by the clank of metal, and the crashing noise of cylon pursuit through the woods.

Kara quickly scanned the area around them, hoping that she might be a defensible position, even if they did only had a handful of rounds to defend themselves with. Her eyes widened in shock as she realized that the trees were thinning out. They'd already reached the clearing, so that had to mean… Straining her eyes in the dimming light, she could make out the silhouette of the high school.

When she looked back over her shoulder to tell Sharon, she saw how much ground the cylons had gained. They weren't more than twenty feet away. She knew they wouldn't shoot—they wanted both her and Sharon alive—but it would only be seconds before they closed the final gap.

All of a sudden a voice screamed from the trees in front of her, "Get down!" Reacting automatically, Kara wrapped an arm around Sharon's shoulders and threw them both to the ground, trying to twist them so they wouldn't land face first. As they fell, she heard gunfire ring out above them. Kara hit the ground hard, and the impact caused her head to whip backward, directly into a tree.

* * *

"Zak, thank you for coming." 

Zak nodded as he closed the hatch to his father's quarters behind him. "Of course. What did you need to see me about?"

Adama sighed and walked over to the couch. He indicated that Zak sit as well. Once they were both comfortable, he explained. "I wanted to talk to you about Lee." Bill paused. "How's he holding up?"

Zak shook his head slightly. "Not well."

Bill frowned. "I know he was close with Kara. So was I." For a second Zak thought his father might be near tears.

"Dad, he wasn't just close with her," Zak explained quietly. "He loves her."

His father seemed taken aback. "What? Zak, are you sure?"

Zak nodded. "Yes. He loves her, and she loved him."

"I never knew that they were … together."

"They weren't. But they were in love."

He watched as his father leaned back against the cushions of the couch, taking in the information. "Do you think… Is there anything I can do to help?"

Zak smiled. He was pleased to see his dad making the offer. "I'm sure you'll think of something."

* * *

When Kara woke she was in a dark room. The only light she could identify was the trailing end of the sunlight filtering in through a crack in the drapes that hung across the window. Sitting up on the makeshift bed she was lying on, she scanned the room. There were desks shoved against the walls, piles of books on the floor—it was an old classroom. She let out a breath of relief she hadn't been aware that she was holding. They'd made it to the resistance. 

Thinking back, the last thing she remembered was the voice yelling at her and Sharon to get down, immediately before Kara had thrown them to the ground. Noticing the ache at the base of her skull, Kara reached up with tentative fingers and gently probed the area. She winced when the slight pressure caused a surge of pain. There was a small lump, no doubt from where her head had contacted something hard.

When Kara tried to rise, she found that all her muscles were stiff and on the verge of cramping up. She wasn't surprised—she'd sprinted through the woods for over half an hour. She quickly stretched, but didn't spend the time she normally would. What she really needed to do was find out what the hell was going on.

Opening the door of the classroom, Kara slipped out into the hallway and nearly ran into Jean. "Sorry," she murmured as she stopped in her tracks.

The red head regarded her carefully before saying, "Good, you're awake. We're leaving in ten minutes."

Kara nodded her understanding. Obviously Sharon had been able to relay the plan to the resistance.

"Sam said he wants to see you," Jean added. She pointed down the hallway to their right. "Last door on the left."

Kara headed off down the hallway, puzzled by Jean's intensity.

Reaching the indicated room, Kara knocked once on the door before opening it and stepping in. She found Sam zipping up a duffel bag; it probably contained whatever personal belongings he had left. "Hey," she said quietly, suddenly nervous. How was she supposed to tell him about Lee?

Sam looked up in surprise. "Hey yourself." He gave her a small, but tentative smile. "I'm glad you're awake."

"Me too. And hey, thanks for saving us back there."

"No problem," he replied as he set the bag on the floor by his feet.

She wasn't sure what she should do, or say. For a few seconds they just stood there, looking at each other. It was Sam who broke the silence.

"So, who's Lee?" He asked in a saddened voice.

"What?" Kara asked, shocked by the question.

Sam sighed. "You were muttering his name when I carried you back here."

"Oh," she replied quietly. She felt her cheeks warm with embarrassment. "Sam, I'm sorry, but—"

"You love him," Sam said, finishing her sentence. It wasn't a question.

Kara nodded, still embarrassed, but not at all ashamed of the happiness she'd found. "Yeah, I do." Sam didn't seem angry or upset, and for that she was grateful.

"I just have one more question Kara. Were the two of you together when you were here the first time?"

She shook her head forcefully. "No."

Sam gave her a small smile. "Good." He reached behind his neck with both hands and tugged at something. A moment later he was holding out a leather string with a piece of metal hanging from it. "I think you gave this to the wrong person."

Kara extended her hand and Sam released his grasp. The dog tag dropped onto her palm, and the leather pooled around it. "Sam, I'm sorry." She was, more than anything. She'd never meant to hurt him.

After a second he asked, "Are you happy?"

She thought of Lee and a smile automatically surfaced on her face. "Yes." It was true, she'd never been happier.

"Then that's all that matters." He gave her a genuine smile. "Friends?" He asked, extending his hand.

She grinned back as she grasped his hand. "Friends."

After Sam pulled his hand away from hers, he leaned down and picked up the bag, slinging it over his shoulder. "As much as I'd love to stay here and discuss your… boyfriend, fiancé, husband?"

"It's complicated," Kara said after a second's thought. It felt weird to associate just one word with Lee.

"Yes, well as much as I'd love to stay and talk about that, I believe we have some heavy raiders to catch." Sam was grinning from ear to ear. "You have no idea how happy I am to be getting off this frakking planet."

"Actually," she replied, grinning just as enthusiastically. "I'm pretty sure I do."

* * *

Lee forced himself to walk out of the bunkroom and down Galactica's corridors. There had been a page over the comm system, requesting his presence in CIC. He'd ignored it the first three times, but by the fourth he decided he should go. He would do whatever he had to, and as soon as he was done he would go back to the bunkroom. Back to his bunk, the one that still smelled like her. 

As he walked, people stared. He noticed, but he didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore.

* * *

In the months since she'd last been to Caprica, the resistance had gotten better. Their movements seemed fluid, which suggested lots of practice and teamwork. Kara couldn't help but be proud of them. They had accomplished a lot. 

The trek to the raiders seemed almost effortless, even though they were traveling through the forest in the dark, on foot. They'd opted not to drive, because it increased their chances of being noticed by the cylons. Kara made sure that Sharon stayed nearby the entire time, unwilling to lose her when they were so close to being home free.

When they finally did see the first glimpse of the heavy raiders waiting for them, Kara felt excitement bubble up inside of her. She was going home, she was going to see Lee.

In what seemed like no time at all they had boarded the raiders and were ready for take-off. Kara was piloting one, Sharon another, and the third was being piloted by one of the resistance members who had some experience in the cockpit. Their escape went more smoothly than they could have ever hoped for. Within minutes they had broken out of Caprica's atmosphere and were spinning up the FTL drives. Before Kara knew it, they had made their first jump.

According to Sharon it would take multiple jumps to make it back to Galactica, and between each one they had to wait for the new intermediate coordinates to be calculated by the raider, and also for the FTL drives to spin up again.

Kara leaned back against the control console. She slipped her hands into her pockets, waiting. Her fingers touched crisp, folded paper and suddenly she heard the cylon's voice echoing in her mind.

"That bastard," she muttered under her breath as rage flowed through her veins.

* * *

"Sir," Lee said, addressing his father as he stepped up to the command console in the center of CIC. 

"Captain," Bill replied. Lee thought he saw a glimpse of sympathy in his father's eyes before he turned his attention back to the dradis screen above his head. "There's a refueling op in progress. I thought you might like to help out."

Lee knew what his dad was doing. He felt his throat closing up, suddenly overwhelmed by emotion. As much as he appreciated the gesture, it wasn't going to help. Nothing was going to help.

"Sir, I—"

Bill lowered his voice so that only Lee could hear him. "Please son, I hate seeing you in so much pain. I want to help, even if I can only take your mind off it for a while."

Lee nodded, suddenly unable to talk at all. He never thought he'd live to see the day when his father made that kind of gesture towards him. Maybe he'd stay, for a little while at least.

The op turned out to be boring and it went completely according to plan. But his father had been right, it had helped get his mind off of what happened, if only for a few minutes. Just as Lee was about to take his leave, a beeping sound emanated from the dradis console above their heads.

Simultaneously both he and Bill looked up. It took less than a second for Lee to identify three blinking dots that weren't part of the fleet.

"Three enemy contacts," Dee said from somewhere behind him.

His father nodded at Gaeta and the lieutenant picked up the nearest handset, sending the message out over the comm system of the ship, seconds before the claxons began to go off. "Action stations, action stations. Set condition one throughout the ship. This is not a drill."

Bill was just about to give the command to launch alert vipers when Dee piped up. "Sir, they're trying to make contact."

"What?!" His father asked loudly as he whipped around to stare at the petty officer.

"One of the cylon ships is trying to open a line of communication."

"Put it through over the speakers."

Lee saw Dee nod, and a second later a crackling sound filled CIC. The air was tense as everyone waited, they didn't know what to expect. When the voice came over the channel, Lee was sure his heart stopped beating.

"Galactica, Starbuck. Requesting permission to speak to Galactica Actual."

TBC


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Kara piloted the heavy raider toward Galactica's flight pod with a huge grin on her face. They'd made it back, safe and without any snags in their plan. After asking her a couple of questions that only she would know the answer to, the Old Man had welcomed Kara back and given her and the resistance permission to land.

The heavy raiders were surprisingly easy to fly, and within minutes all three had touched down, no problem. Not long after, mag locks secured and the ships began their descent into the hangar deck. The familiar scene of the busy hangar made her grin even wider.

"Good to be home?" Sam asked as he looked out of the window from behind her.

Kara immediately thought of Lee and how much she couldn't wait to see him. "You have no idea," she replied earnestly.

As soon as the movement of the raider stopped, she pressed the button on the console that released the rear hatch on the ship. It lowered slowly and the second it touched Galactica's deck, resistance members began filing out. Kara could hear Cally directing them once they had exited the ship. Kara followed at the rear of the group, having to force herself to stay back and not push through the crowd in her excitement.

After what seemed like forever, but was probably less than two minutes, she stepped off the raider. Her eyes immediately scanned the hangar deck. Off to her right she saw Helo rushing forward to embrace Sharon, looking as though he would have lifted her off the ground and spun her around had she not been pregnant. Almost directly in front of her stood the resistance. Cally was taking their names and making a list on a clipboard. But none of that kept her attention for very long. She was looking for something else, _someone_ else in particular, except he wasn't there.

Kara felt her hopes plummet. Why wasn't he there? Had something happened—? Her mind paused mid-thought as she saw him rush through the entrance to the hangar deck at full speed. Her heart immediately began to pound faster, and a smile of relief lit her face.

As their eyes locked, Lee came to an abrupt halt, almost like he couldn't quite believe that she was there. Emotion welled up and for a few seconds she had to force herself to keep breathing. Gods, she loved him so much.

Suddenly her stupor broke and she moved as fast as she could, pushing her way through the crowd of deckhands and pilots to get to Lee. He was doing the same. The next thing she knew he had wrapped her up in his arms so tightly that she thought he might crack a rib. But she didn't care, and hugged him back just as fiercely.

A few tears slid down her cheeks and she buried her head against the side of Lee's neck as relief flooded over her. She'd been so close to never seeing him again. She inhaled deeply, taking comfort in his familiar smell.

Lee tilted his head towards her ear. "I love you too," he whispered tenderly as he squeezed her even harder.

Abruptly Kara pulled back, her actions reminiscent of their reunion after her first return from Caprica. She briefly registered the confused look on Lee's face before she kissed him passionately. It took him a second to respond, but it wasn't long until he was kissing her back. Lee deepened the kiss, seeming like his intent was to devour her with his mouth, not that she minded. There was also desperation there, like he was afraid she would disappear at any moment.

Reluctantly she broke the kiss, but she wanted to reassure Lee that this was real, that she was there. Before she could get the words out she heard a voice whose false sincerity sent a shiver down her spine.

"Ah, Captain Thrace. I'm _so_ glad that you made it back safely, and Sharon as well."

In one smooth movement, Kara stepped away from Lee, drew her gun and pointed it at Baltar. Rage burned inside of her and she had to use all of her willpower to not pull the trigger.

"Don't you frakking move," she ordered as she steadied the gun with her other hand.

In one instant the mood in the hangar deck had gone from one of excitement and happiness, to one of apprehension. There was absolutely no noise and Kara could feel everyone staring at her.

"Kara, what's going on?" Lee asked in a wary voice as he looked back and forth between her and Baltar. The doctor looked like he was scared enough to wet himself, but he hadn't moved an inch since she'd drawn her weapon.

"It was him," she said in a surprisingly steady voice. "He was the one that allowed the initial cylon attack to happen."

Baltar paled, and started to object, but she kept talking.

"He let a cylon into the defense mainframe. He's the reason that billions of innocent people are dead."

Anyone else would have asked for proof, but not Lee. He grabbed a spare gun from the nearest marine and in a second he had it pointed at Baltar as well.

The doctor looked positively terrified. His face was whiter than a sheet of paper and he was opening and closing his mouth like a fish. "That's… that is a lie," he finally managed to say in shaky voice.

"'Cuff him," Kara ordered, addressing the nearest marine.

As the private moved to take a step forward, Baltar looked over his shoulder and stared, mouth partially open, but there was nothing there. He was murmuring hurriedly, but it was something that none of them could quite make out. Then suddenly, he bolted, practically tripping over his own feet in a dash for the nearest heavy raider.

Kara lunged forward, tackling him before he could get a head start. He fell to the deck hard, smashing his face against the ridging. Kara landed on top of him, causing all the breath to whoosh out of his lungs. She jammed her good knee into the small of his back and applied pressure, lots of pressure.

When he cried out in pain, she made sure to push just a little bit more.

"This isn't fair," he yelled hysterically against the deck. "I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Save it," Kara spat out from between clenched teeth.

A second later someone was holding a pair of handcuffs in front of her face. She looked up to find Lee staring down at her. She took the handcuffs and put them on Baltar. She felt a small surge of satisfaction when the bastard winced as she tightened them.

Kara stood up, and Lee moved in. Reaching down he hauled Baltar up by the chain of the handcuffs and forced him to his feet. "Let's go," Lee said harshly. "I'm sure the brig has a nice cell waiting for you."

Lee caught Kara's eye for a brief second. The last thing he wanted to do was leave, but duty called. Kara nodded once, conveying her understanding. They'd see each other soon, that was certain.

* * *

The next few hours were hectic. Within seconds of Lee leaving to take Baltar to the brig, she'd been ushered to Galactica's meeting room by a couple of marines. There she'd found Colonel Tigh, the President, and the Admiral waiting for her. 

Immediately after she'd walked in the hatch, the Old Man had wrapped her up in a hug that was unexpected and brought tears to her eyes. He kissed her forehead in a very rare show of affection and told her he was glad to have her back. She had to force her emotions to remain in check when she told him that she was happy to be back. He'd smiled at her knowingly before gesturing for her to take a seat so they could begin the debriefing.

She told them everything she remembered, starting from the moment the alarms had gone off, to when they'd arrived back at the fleet; though she did leave out the kiss she'd shared with Lee in the arms locker, that was private. When she had to explain her deal with Leoben, agreeing to go with him if he let Lee live, the Old Man raised his eyebrows in surprise. Kara realized that Lee must have never mentioned it. Her heart ached as she thought of how much pain he must have been in.

When they asked about Baltar, she explained the note from Cylon Zak in greater detail. She showed it to them, letting them read it themselves. The Old Man asked her whether or not she thought they could trust the cylon's word. She said yes, without reservation.

Once they'd questioned her to their satisfaction, the Admiral dismissed her, but not before informing her that she had to report to sickbay for a mandatory check up. She had after all been taken as a prisoner by the cylons. Kara had opened her mouth to protest, but the Old Man was firm in his decision, and before she knew it she was in sickbay. Kara just hoped that Cottle would be quick, because all she wanted to do was find Lee.

But it seemed that her luck had run out for the day. Kara groaned in frustration as she waited in a sickbay cubicle for Cottle to show up. The problem was, he also had to check out every member of the resistance who'd come back with her, and it was likely they needed the medical attention much more than she did. Checking her watch for what seemed like the millionth time since she sat down, she saw that she'd been waiting for over an hour.

"A little impatient, Starbuck?" came a cheerful voice.

Looking up she saw Helo walk into the cubicle. She couldn't help but smile. "Hey." After a second she added, "What are you doing here?"

"Sharon," he explained. "Cottle's with her right now, finishing up an ultrasound. Everything looks fine." Karl breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Kara. Thank you for bringing them back to me."

She nodded. "Of course."

Karl's serious look turned into a sly grin. "So… Apollo."

Kara felt her cheeks heat up but she met Karl's gaze. "Yeah." She wasn't embarrassed for people to know, but they had been making out in the middle hangar deck. She grinned at the memory, not that she would change their reunion if she could.

Helo smiled at her. "I'm happy for you 'Buck," he said sincerely. "But if he hurts you, I'll have to kick his ass."

"He won't," she said confidently.

Karl nodded. "I have a feeling you're right. He was here, by the way. But Cottle kicked him out, said he didn't need any more people in an overly crowded sickbay. Just thought you might want to know."

Kara smiled, sure that she had never felt so cared for in her entire life. She wasn't even hurt, barely banged up, but still, Lee was worried enough to come to sickbay and check on her. How did she get so lucky?

* * *

Lee paced the bunkroom, anxiously waiting for Kara to show up. He couldn't believe she was back. He'd held her, kissed her, told her he loved her, but it still seemed too good to be true. He wanted, no _needed_ to hold her again, to be sure that this was real. 

When the hatch finally did open, he felt his heart jump into his throat. Whirling around, he saw her, standing in the doorway.

"Hey," she said quietly. A soft smile lit up her face and she stepped in, closing and dogging the hatch behind her.

Lee could hardly hear her for the pounding of his heart against his ribcage. Suddenly he was nervous, more nervous than he could ever remember being in his life. His feet were glued to the deck and he couldn't move. This was all so new to them.

"Lee?"

The sound of her voice suddenly propelled him forward. In only a few strides he'd crossed the bunkroom. He pulled Kara into a hug, holding her against him tightly. Her arms automatically came up to wrap around his neck, and she rested her head on his shoulder. He loved the way she felt, fitting against him perfectly, like she belonged there.

He wasn't sure how long they stood there, just holding each other, but it was a considerable amount of time. He simply couldn't bring himself to let go.

"I missed you," Kara whispered against his neck.

Lee pulled her closer yet, until there wasn't an inch of air between them. "I missed you too. I thought…" He took a deep breath, fighting the emotion that tightened his throat. "I thought I was never going to see you again."

Somehow she knew exactly what his worries were, because she said, "I'm here, Lee. This is real."

He couldn't speak, but nodded against her shoulder. He just wanted to stay there with her, like this, forever. But there were questions burning in his mind that needed answers.

Slowly he released his hold on her and pulled back. Kara smiled up at him softly, and he had the uncontrollable urge to kiss her. He grinned as he realized his didn't have to fight those urges anymore. Leaning down, he kissed her gently. What started out as fairly innocent began to get heated quickly, as Kara opened her mouth, deepening the kiss. Her fingers moved up to twine themselves in the short hairs at the base of his neck, and soon his hands were cupping her face.

With great difficulty, he managed to pull back before things went further. He leaned his forehead against Kara's as he caught his breath. She smiled at him calmly. "You want to know what happened."

"Only if you want to tell me, Kara. If you don't, that's—"

"Of course I'll tell you," she replied, before angling her head to kiss him once, quickly.

Kara threaded the fingers of her right hand through his left and lead him over to his bunk. They sat down and Kara began to talk. She explained everything with just enough detail so that he knew what had happened, but not so much that it wasted an unnecessary amount of time. Their hands stayed interlocked the entire time.

The first question he asked when she'd finished was, "Are you okay?" The mention of her destiny had sent shivers down his spine and knowing that she'd had to face the cylon that had crushed her hopes of happiness… well, it had him worried.

She didn't reply immediately. She let out a deep breath and then looked him in the eye. "Yeah, I think I am."

He smiled, feeling so proud of her. She was unquestionably the strongest person he knew.

But there was one thing still floating around in the back of his mind. "Why?" He asked. "Why did you agree to go with Leoben?"

She looked at him like he'd grown two heads. "To save your life."

"You couldn't have known that Leoben would keep his end of the bargain."

"No, but I had to try. Lee, I _love_ you. I would do anything to save your life."

Lee opened his mouth to say something in response, but she shook her head and cut him off by saying, "Don't. I know you would have done the exact same thing for me."

"Of course I would have," he admitted as he realized her point. He supposed that knowing that she loved him that much would take some getting used to, not that he minded the idea. In fact, he didn't mind it at all.

* * *

Kara leaned forward, closing the small gap between them, and kissed Lee. He smiled against her lips before kissing her back. She could definitely get used to this. Her heart fluttered as she realized that she would be getting used to this, because neither her nor Lee were going anywhere. This wasn't some fling, she loved him, and he loved her just as much. 

One of Lee's hands came to rest gently at the back of her neck as his tongue sought entrance into her mouth. Kara parted her lips and reveled in the moist heat of the kiss. Lee worked his tongue gently but surely against hers, and she trembled as she let the bliss wash over her.

Lee placed his other hand on her waist and tugged her towards him. Not breaking the kiss, she maneuvered herself so that she was straddling his lap. Kara let her hands come up to rest on Lee's shoulders. Her fingers ran over the worn material of his tanks, slowly tracing the lines of muscle beneath.

There was a smoldering heat that fueled their actions, but nothing about their movements was rushed. They were both too fixed on savoring each moment.

The kiss continued for a delightful eternity, slow and achingly sweet. When both of Lee's hand started playing at the waistband of her pants, fingertips barely brushing the exposed skin of her back, Kara felt tears building in her eyes. His actions were so soft and gentle, nothing at all like she was used to. This was what it was like to be truly loved. For the first time ever she felt like she was the most important person in someone else's life, and even better, Lee's life. She'd never thought it was possible to be this happy.

Lee broke the kiss, pulling back to stare at her, concern lining his face. "Kara, what's wrong?"

It was only then she realized that a few tears had slid down her cheeks. She shook her head. "Nothing. Everything's perfect." She gave him a watery smile. "I love you."

He smiled back as he wiped her tears away with his thumb. "I love you too, Kara, more than anything."

She brushed her thumbs long his jaw line and leaned down to press her lips against his. "I know," she whispered.

Kara's lips moved across Lee's chin, along his jaw and down to his pulse point. She sucked lightly at the tender skin and Lee's breath hitched in his throat. He moaned her name and pulled her closer as she continued the ministrations on his neck. She could feel the hardness of his erection pressing against her and it caused a rush of arousal to surge through her. The intensity of it caught her off guard, she'd never wanted anyone this much before.

She found Lee's hands holding her hips gently and she covered them with her own before moving them upward, underneath the fabric of her tanks. Lee pulled back and caught her gaze, silently asking her if she was sure. She nodded and together they pulled the garments free of her body. They dropped from her hand as Lee's hands moved up to cup her breasts. His touch was gentle as he rubbed his thumbs over cloth-covered nipples. Kara's eyelids fluttered closed. It wasn't long before she felt the delicious contact of skin on skin as Lee slipped his hands underneath her sports bra. Kara could hear her breathing becoming labored as she became even more aroused.

As she felt him tug the fabric free, she raised her arms. Kara opened her eyes at the same moment Lee took one hardened peak in his mouth. He rolled it with his tongue and she didn't even try to lessen the moan of pure pleasure that escaped from deep in the back of her throat. "Oh gods, Lee."

He removed his mouth and grinned before turning his attention to the other breast. Small ripples of pleasure spread through Kara's body and her breath caught in her throat. This was insane, and it felt so right.

Just as Kara was on the verge of breaking, Lee moved his mouth. He pressed his lips between her breasts and moved downward, making a trail of kisses.

The knot of warm tension deep in her lower belly grew bigger as Lee leaned forward, lowering her down onto the bed. He waited until she was arranged comfortably on her back, with him kneeling between her legs before he continued. He kept kissing the soft skin of her abdomen, moving past her belly button, and stopping only when his lips reached the top of her pants.

She watched as he slowly unbuttoned her pants and pulled them free. His eyes lingered on her swollen knee, and he glanced up at her, worried.

"It's fine," she said quietly. In fact, she hadn't given her injury a second thought since she'd walked into the bunkroom.

He nodded, and reached for her grey underwear. Kara caught his hands in hers, stilling them. Sitting up, she reached for the hem of his tanks before he could say anything. She pulled them off and took a second to simply admire him. She couldn't resist running her hands down his chest and over his stomach.

He seemed to be just as much out of breath as her. Her hands dropped down to his belt buckle and undid it. Seconds later her fingers began work on the buttons of his dress pants, popping them open one at a time. He inhaled sharply when her fingers brushed against the bulge in his boxers.

Somewhat awkwardly Lee was able to kick off his pants without having to leave the bunk. Before she could reach for his boxers he gently took hold of her shoulders and pushed her back so that she was lying down on the bed again. This time she let him hook his thumbs into the sides of her underwear and pull them down her legs.

He stared down at her in admiration. "Gods, Kara, you're so beautiful."

A faint blush crept onto her cheeks. She had never considered herself to be a beautiful person, but in that moment she felt beautiful.

"Come here," she said quietly as she gestured for Lee to lean down.

He braced his hands on either side of her head and leaned down, kissing her sweetly. She hooked her good leg around his waist and used it to pull him down on top of her. His confined erection pressed against her damp core and more ripples of pleasure ran through her body.

Kara's hands wandered down Lee's back before slipping into the waistband of his boxers. She pushed the material down as far as she could reach and Lee removed them the rest of the way. When he settled his weight overtop of her again, both their breaths hitched. His hardness was pressed firmly against her entrance, teasing her.

"Lee, please," she pleaded, needing him.

He angled his hips and slid inside her slowly. Kara's walls clenched around him, and for a few moments they both remained motionless. Lee looked down, deep into her eyes. "Love you," he whispered hoarsely.

"Love you too."

She brought his head down for a kiss at the same time he began to move inside her. With each thrust, their dog tags clinked together, filling the air with a soft metallic chiming sound. His strokes were long and deep, slowly building up the tension and bringing her closer to the edge. When she moaned into his mouth, he swallowed the sound of his name. She was so close. Kara began to meet his thrusts with a rhythmic movement of her hips. The kiss intensified as they both sped closer toward release. Lee was moving more quickly inside her, and Kara matched the change in his movements.

Euphoric waves of pleasure rushed through her body as Lee found his release inside of her. Kara cried out his name and she was sure she heard hers in response.

Somewhere in the haze of bliss she felt Lee roll off of her. It took much longer for her body to come down from the high enough so that she could think, let alone move. Rolling onto her side, she faced Lee. He was gazing up at her lovingly.

She smiled down at him before reaching for the blanket at the foot of the bed. She pulled it over them as she formed herself against his side and rested her head on his chest. The apple of her cheek pressed against the chain of his dog tags, and as she reached to brush them to the side, she remembered something.

Sam had said she'd given her dog tag to the wrong person. He'd been right. Kara reached behind her neck and tugged on her chain until it came loose.

"What are you doing?" Lee asked curiously as he peered at her.

She held the chain in front of her and slid one dog tag off. "I gave this to the wrong person," she explained.

It was obvious that at first Lee didn't know what she was talking about. Then recognition dawned on his face. "You got it back."

She nodded. "But I want you to have it."

Reaching around his neck, she pulled free his set of dog tags as well. She slipped the small piece of metal onto Lee's, leaving him with three. She moved to put it back on him, but he stopped her. At first she thought he'd slipped her tag back off, but then she saw that he had removed one of his instead. He took her chain and threaded his tag onto it.

He reached around her neck and did the chain back up. He put his back on a second after, and then lay back down. Kara didn't know what to say so she kissed him tenderly. He smiled at her knowingly and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to his side. Breathing a sigh of contentment, she laid her head down on his chest and draped an arm over his naked torso.

He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed the crown of her head softly.

Surprising both of them, Kara let out a huge yawn. "Sorry," she said.

"It's okay," Lee replied, angling his head so he could look at her properly. "You must be exhausted."

Thinking about it, she realized that the last time she'd slept was when she'd been drugged, and she wasn't sure that counted. "Yeah," she admitted quietly as she made herself more comfortable.

"Get some sleep," Lee advised. He kissed her head again and wrapped his arm more securely around her shoulder.

It wasn't long until drowsiness hit her full force and within seconds she had drifted off.

* * *

When Kara woke, it was only a few hours later, but she'd slept so well that it felt like it should have been longer, though it didn't mean she was no longer tired. She yawned and nuzzled in closer to Lee. She heard him chuckle softly and she smiled against his chest. His fingers were tracing patterns on her shoulder. 

"Did you sleep okay?" he asked, so quietly that she could barely hear him.

She nodded against his chest. "Mm hmm, what about you?"

When he didn't answer she braced one hand on the mattress and propped herself up. There were dark bags under Lee's eyes and he looked exhausted.

"Did you sleep at all?"

Reluctantly he shook his head. He almost seemed ashamed.

"Why not?" She asked, worried that she may have missed something.

"Don't worry about it. It's stupid," he said, trying to brush it off as nothing.

She stared at him intensely. "Lee, you can tell me."

He sighed. "I just…" he ran one hand through his hair as he thought of how to word it. "I'm just worried that if I fall asleep, I'll wake up, and all of this will have been a dream. I'm scared that I'll wake up and you won't be here."

Emotion swelled in her chest. She still couldn't believe how lucky she was to have someone who loved her that much. "I'm not going anywhere," she said comfortingly.

He nodded, though she could still see the worry on his face.

Kara leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on his chest, directly beside where her dog tag lay over his heart. "Promise."

The End

* * *

**A/N:** I would just like to say thank you to everyone who has followed this story. Your reviews are what kept me motivated, stopped me from giving up and made me want to write more. I cannot thank you enough. :) 


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